Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Now THAT'S bedside manner

So I have to go to two doctors a month - high-risk and regular. Today I was at the high-risk (everything looks great - baby weighs almost 2 pounds!), and the doctor is just the nicest. He makes you feel like a total superstar, even when you have nothing to do with it. Examples:

"Your cervix is perfection." (thank you?)
"Amazing amount of amniotic fluid." (again, thank you?)
"Wonderful placenta." (alrighty)
"All around A+." (YES)

I mean. A girl could get used to this.

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

My Emmys fashion breakdown

Yay Handmaid's Tale! Boo Sean Spicer! And now for the most important part - the dresses.

I loved Thandi Newton (doesn't hurt that I think she may be the most beautiful woman alive):

Gina Rodriguez brought it:

As did the ever-age appropriate Millie Bobby Brown:

I was not impressed by Sofia Vergara, however. I feel like she looks the same every time. We get it - you have a Jessica Rabbit body. Sheesh.

Monday, September 18, 2017

Better than lipstick, I guess

Sometimes living with my mom is excellent practice for living with a kid. Twice in a row now she has done laundry and forgotten to check her pockets. Which apparently always have Kleenex in them. And yesterday, a grocery list. Shredded tissue paper makes for a very festive, if messy, load of laundry. I speak from experience. And I guess will now be checking all pockets before I start a load.

Friday, September 15, 2017

Praise be.

Time to start thinking about Halloween costumes. Can't really go as "pregnant Beyoncé" at work, so I think I will opt for this instead:


Thursday, September 14, 2017

No my first name ain't Baby. It's Janet. Miss Jackson if you're nasty.

Janet tonight!! Debating if I should wear my "Nasty Woman" t-shirt, since it didn't get much wear post-election...

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

This post brought to you by the letter J

WHY am I still watching Counting On? I had actually stopped watching last year because it got so annoying, but now that two more Duggars have married I had to see this trainwreck for myself. The thing that kills me the most is how they court for a few months, get engaged and are married within a year (although more like 6 months). I think it's because they really want to have sex. Which is why they all get pregnant immediately. (Well, that and they don't believe in birth control.) I also feel bad for the oldest daughter (Jana, yes I know her name) - she must feel like a spinster. Get in line behind me, sweetie.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Bachelor in Paradise recap: the grand finale

Finally a wrap on this season in paradise. And of course ABC had to milk it for all it was worth, complete with a live hour with the cast and yet another appearance by Corinne and DeMario (yet this time, together). Ugh.

It's the last day in paradise, which means the couples need to piss or get off the pot. (Break up or bust out the fantasy suite, in more Bachelor terms.) And a lot of breaking up ensues: Christen dumps Jack Stone and goes off swimming in the ocean, likely to find more scallops. Tickle Monster and Jasmine decide just to be friends. Diggy dumps Dominique, then promptly gets dumped by Jamie. Robbie is shocked that Amanda doesn't think it will work in the real world. And Dean tells D-Lo he wants to try again with Kristina. Ouch.

So after all the break-ups and shake-ups, we're left with the final three couples: Lacey and Canadaniel, Adam and Raven and Derek and Taylor. Lacey tells Daniel she's fallen for him (and tells the camera she would say yes if he proposed - WHY), and he says he is falling for her. Cue the "privacy please" door tag. Taylor needs to have sex with Derek to make sure she's in love with him (alrighty) - cue the "privacy please" door tag. But Raven doesn't want to mess things up by spending the night with Adam too early. Cue the live show.

Corinne and DeMario are one big happy family (after lots of therapy). Can we PLEASE move on. There's no love lost between Christen and Jasmine, who was apparently "bullying" Christen on social media. Dean takes the hot seat and reveals he still loves Kristina. This is news to D-Lo, who says they have gotten together since filming. And apparently he and Kristina tried to patch things up as well. But now both ladies are like peace out, dude. Thank god. The twins, needing more air time, call Robbie out for cheating on Amanda after they started dating post-Paradise. Robbie denies this, saying the photo sent to Amanda just showed he was "close" to another girl. NOT making out. Sure.

Finally, it's time to catch up with the final three. Lacey says Canadaniel fessed up after the cameras were off that he was NOT in fact falling for her. And camera footage showed him talking to producers the next morning saying no way would he change his FB status to say "in a relationship with Lacey." Oooooh burn. So Lacey is dunzo with this chach. Adam and Raven are amazingly still together, and she had him meet her family LIVE ON TV. Nice. But has she met Adam Jr.????
Taylor and Derek are in love and grateful to have met on the show. Which they make official by Derek getting down on one knee and popping the question. Ah, young love. Good luck crazy kids.