Friday, March 30, 2012

Rock and Roll!

This is Bobby Bawlz.
He plays guitar in the awesome 80s hair metal cover band Poison Cherry.
We are friends on Facebook.
He and his band are playing at a crawfish boil for cancer tomorrow.
I am so there.
Rock on, Bobby Bawlz. Rock on.

(Not sure why this blog post was written a la Dick, Jane and Spot, but whatev.)

Luby Tuesdays

Bought a bag of Super Bubble yesterday. Semi-pointless, as the stuff loses flavor after like two chews, but the smell is awesome and it brings back memories of eating at Luby's Cafeteria with my grandparents growing up. (They used to have a bowl of gum at the cash register and I was always sticking my grubby mitts in there to grab a handful.)

Ah, Luby's. Home of the early bird special. I seriously think we would go at like 5pm for dinner. I usually opted for the chicken-fried steak (yes, this was back in the day when I ate meat. And fried stuff.), and Grandad would opt for the liver and onions. Which terrified me back then, and still does to this day. And oh the desserts. Chocolate cream pie, anyone? (At 5:15pm? Don't mind if I do.)

Couple that with a glass of milk and a side order of fried okra (and potentially green Jello - because there's always room), and you had yourself a pleasant little evening. Or afternoon.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Does it include the hokey pokey?

Got a Groupon yesterday for a roller skating package. (Do these advertisers know me, or WHAT?)

I opened up the offer and was rather amused by this descriptive blurb:

Westlake Skate Center’s expansive indoor rink twinkles under a hanging canopy of lights as four-wheeled feet soar across the sleek floor. Music and black lights crank up the energy as guests lace up traditional skates or rollerblades and blast off after friends. The rink hosts birthday parties complete with drinks and ice cream, and provides lessons that introduce students to quick stops, graceful turns, and Vlad, the talking roller skate.

Ohhhh how I want to meet "Vlad." (And what the hell kind of name is that for a talking roller skate? Not that I can think of anything better off the top of my head...) Might have to sign up for that reason alone.

Plus of course for the chance to couple skate. Which for some reason always reminds me of the Chicago song "Look Away." Ah, memories.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

As IF.

Um, ew. Apparently Alicia Silverstone chews her baby's food and then feeds it to him, mouth-to-mouth? What is she, a bird? Although her son's name is Bear, so you never know.

In additional Clueless news, I read that Jeremy Sisto ("Elton") named his kid Bastian Kick. Yes, the Kick is weird, but I semi-heart Bastian because it immediately makes me think of The Neverending Story ("Bastian, say my name!") - good times. Our dog Barney looked EXACTLY like Falcor, the flying dog-dragon. But I digress.

Sounds like Stacey Dash ("Dionne") is crazytown. She got fired from her vh1 show, and apparently just got fired from a movie as well. Oh, Dee. What would Murray say?!

Of course RIP Brittany Murphy ("Tai")...

Thank god Paul Rudd ("Josh") is still rocking it out. Although Wanderlust was a little bizarro. But I still love him. Rollin' with the homies, indeed.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

ebay: my nightmare continues

So apparently I spoke too soon when I said I sold the shoes. I DID sell them, but I didn't factor in that the buyer might RETURN them. Good lord, ebay. I surrender.

Brunch of champions

When you start working at 3am (thanks, Europe!), you're ready for lunch around 7:30. And then of course dinner around 1pm. (Hell - even the early-bird special seems like a midnight snack.)

This is going to be a long-ass day.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Mooning over the Heels

Watching UNC lose to Kansas last night ended my hopes of going to the Final Four in New Orleans this weekend. And it also brought to mind the 2008 Final Four in San Antonio - another loss to KU (40-12! 40-12!) - but that wasn't the most embarrassing thing that happened that weekend.

After the game, we walked dejectedly (?) to the Riverwalk to drink away our sorrows (ironically winding up in the official Kansas bar). But as we walked down the steps from the street level, a gust of what had to be Jayhawk wind blew up my dress. And I flashed everyone behind me. (Or, more accurately, mooned - thanks to my thong underwear.) But that wasn't even the worst part - no, in my terror I let out a scream, which of course drew even more attention my way. Kill me. Kill me now.

Say it with me, people: OH THE HUMANITY.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Stupid brackets.

I have officially taken my bracket down in my office. (And I may have crumpled it up and set it on fire. What.) But who cares - what is the freaking point. So far I have 0 of the elite 8 correct. 0! For someone who lives and breathes college basketball, this is somewhat concerning. Now, I could still have the correct two final teams, but with poor UNC being plagued by injuries I just don't see that happening anymore. Maybe I should find a new hobby. Anyone know what else goes on in March??

Thursday, March 22, 2012


How old am I???

Well, folks, I drank til I puked last night. No special occasion. Just your typical Wednesday. And so help me this is going to be a loooong day at the office.

My mom would be so proud.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Pin this to "creepy"

On the exhausting yet awesome timesuck that is Pinterest, someone pinned a list of suggested questions to ask on a first date:

1) What’s your favorite domestic animal? Give me three reasons why?
2) What’s your favorite wild animal? Give me three reasons why?
3) If you were deserted on a beach, give me three emotions you’d feel.
4) If you were in a forest, what are three emotions you’d feel?
5) If you were in a white room surrounded by people dressed in white, give me three emotions you’d feel.
6) What’s your favorite food? Give me three reasons why?

Wow. A FIRST date?! These are a little out there. Particularly the "emotions" portion. I think if a guy asked me these questions (particularly if he hit me with all six in a row), I would be a little weirded out. But could easily come up with three reasons why.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Where's a good storm cellar when you really need one.

Was working "late" last night (6pm! Way to burn the midnight oil!), and a co-worker came up to me and told me to go home. I laughed it off, thinking about how hard-working I must have looked, but he got dead serious and said "a storm's a-comin'." (Okay, he didn't say "a-comin'," but how awesome would it have been if he did.)

So I checked the latest Dopler radar, and although it wasn't as ridiculous as the above, it was close. Lots of red. And purple. And black. And white. (What the hell is white?! "Weather's so bad you're dead and gone to heaven?!") That can't be good.

I hauled ass home, but started to wonder - if I get pulled over for speeding, can I use "trying to outrun a tornado" as an excuse? I mean, the cop probably doesn't want to be caught in one, either - so maybe they just let people speed to safety? (Note: right after this thought crossed my mind I saw a guy get pulled over. So apparently Mother Nature shouldn't screw with the Dallas Police Department.)

Poor "little" thing.

Good god, man. Jessica Simpson is humongous. I truly hope for her sake she is having quadruplets, but sadly I think it's just one massive (I'm guessing 16-lb) baby. Who very well might walk out of there on its own. (Holy C-section.) And she DID sign on with Weight Watchers to lose the weight after giving birth, so maybe she figures she better eat those 8 Twinkies now while she has the chance...

And one more (semi-rude) sidebar: how LONG has she been pregnant. Maybe she's having a baby elephant - 22 month gestation period, anyone? (thanks, Wikipedia)

Monday, March 19, 2012

Hasn't aged well

On today's daily ideeli email blast, the "hot" items for sale included Members Only jackets. Really? Did I get into a DeLorean and go back to the 80s? I mean, I knew these jackets had made something of a comeback, but...they really weren't all that stylish in 1985 (not to mention in 2012). Although come to think of it, what WAS? The 80s weren't exactly fashionable. Maybe it's time to push up the elastic sleeves and get a membership.

Counterintuitive, much?

After the last disastrous attempt, I finally sold one of my pricier pairs of shoes on ebay. And what am I going to do with the money? Buy two new pairs of shoes I've been eyeing. Sigh. (But also, yay.)

Friday, March 16, 2012

Spring Break: wish you were here. (or I was there.)

You can tell it's spring break because there's less traffic, the gym is empty, and ahhhh no 20-mph school zones. And I'm jealous. I could really use a spring break. The beach sounds damn good right about now. I never really had the "spring break WOOHOO!" that everyone else gets, although there were some memorable attempts.

Junior year of high school, my mom and grandmother took me and my friend on college visits for spring break. How very mature of us. And we couldn't even have snuck out of the Hampton Inn to party college-style because most of the schools were on spring break, too. Curses.

Senior year, everyone was going to Cancun. And so was I, until I decided to have a party when my parents were out of town. I proceeded to get busted and grounded. (But totally worth it - that party was legen-wait for it-dary.)

In college, I stupidly graduated early so only had three spring break opportunities, the first of which was spent touring a sorority sister around Dallas. Which sadly included country dancing at Red River. Yeehaw, indeed.

Sophomore year I was studying abroad in Spain, which totally didn't suck. I think for "spring break" we went to Italy, which also didn't suck. But it wasn't exactly the wet t-shirt contest woohoo-fest that one thinks of when one thinks of spring break.

The best attempt to capture the woohoo was junior year, when we drove from Chapel Hill to Daytona Beach. (woohoo!) It was fairly chilly and very cheesy, but certainly got close to that elusive spring break that everyone hopes for (?). Plus I came back uber tan, which really is the whole point.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Madness, I tell you

(March Madness, that is.) My favorite time of year is upon us. The time of year when America learns who the Hilltoppers are. When sports bars are full at 11am on a Friday. When inappropriate crushes are developed on certain college basketball coaches. When friends become enemies once you realize you are in the same bracket pool and SOMEONE has to lose. When the CBS sports theme song is ringing in your ears. And hopefully the time of year that my team brings home the national championship. (Hey - it's my blog. I can say stuff like that.)

Best of luck to you and your bracket.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

I don't LUV it.

This Luvs diaper commercial is so gross. The first time I saw it my jaw dropped. (And I may have even gagged a little bit.) Shockingly, it's a freaking CARTOON. About DIAPERS.

The Bachelor finale: also known as the Rise of the Harry Potter Cape

No big surprise that Ben picked Courtney, but I AM surprised that they are still together. Methinks the end is near. After three wasted hours, here's my summation:

Good lord Switzerland is beautiful. I want to go to there. (And this blog is NOT brought to you by Zermatt, as the show was last night.)

Holy zip-up sweaters, Ben. (But not holey. I don't think.) Also holy fancy gondola.

You just knew that as much as Ben's sister was saying she would hate Courtney that she would end up "loving" her. Barf.

Thank god we got a helicopter ride around the one-hour mark - you know you were waiting for one, too.

Why were both ladies wearing capes. Seriously - Gwyneth's looked cool at the Oscars, but these were way too Hogwarts for me. Odd.

Was kind of hoping that we would also get the very first rejection helicopter (as opposed to the rejection limo) after Lindzi got the boot, but no. She gave her goodbyes before heading down the mountain. Dangit.

I think Courtney is the first girl to wear black (and long black gloves?!?!) to Engagement Point (and nice touch with the Matterhorn in the background). Very fitting.

Did like the ring, though - well done, sir. And thanks ABC for freaking flying Neil Lane himself into Switzerland. They don't have a jeweler there??

After the Rose - again, was hoping for much more dirt/yelling/possibly a bitch-slap. Loved Courtney's dress. Agree that she was abandoned by Ben. Whose hair still looks redonk. Odd time-filler using Ashley and JP. And where was Lindzi? Probably thanking her lucky stars she made it out scot-free.

I'm thanking MY lucky stars this season is over - but what in the world will I do on Monday nights now??

And finally: Please. Will someone I know apply for Bachelor Pad. Yessssss.

Monday, March 12, 2012


Saw Boyz II Men last night - and no, it wasn't in a 1993 flashback sequence. They put on an amazing show, and I'm not even a big fan. Seriously - sweet dance moves, some Motown classics, and tossing roses at the crowd during "I'll Make Love to You." (swoon)

There were only 3 "men," though - wonder what happened to the other Boyz II Man? The place was packed - and it was nice that everyone was around the same age and could belt out "The End of the Road" like they were back at a high school slow dance. Sigh.

Good deed for the day

When I was walking into work this morning, I saw the girl in front of me drop an entire box of golf pencils. Which proceeded to roll everywhere. Knowing I would certainly be in her position one day (if I haven't been already), I totally helped collect the errant pencils. (Slippery little bastards.) You're welcome, random stranger.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Fun with the internets

Who doesn't love a good name generator?

Found a ridiculous site with a ton of ridiculous ones. For example...

Stripper name: Princess SpankLusty (hmmm)
Grey's Anatomy: McSmelly (dang)
Top Gun name: Dutch (awesome)
Pimp name: Silicon Slick J. Shizzle (yessss)
High School nickname: Gossip Girl Gabby (xoxo)
Michael Jackson theme song (love that this is an option!): "Dirty Diana"
And, most randomly, Dumb Blonde name: Amy. (???)

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Blackberry fields forever

I have been a tried and true Blackberry user for quite a few years, and always vowed I would never go to the "dark side" and get a touch-screen phone. (Mainly because my fingers are too fat to be able to text properly.)

But I keep hearing that Blackberry will eventually go under, and I was eligible for a free phone upgrade, so I sucked it up and got an LG MyTouch. (Was NOT eligible for a free iPhone. Bastards.)

The problem: the phone is still sitting in the box. I am having trouble taking the Sim card out of my Blackberry - it's like I'm pulling the plug on a family member! (Yes, I am aware of how weird that sounds.) But I guess if I hate the new phone and my texting is completely illegible, I can always resuscitate the old BB. I took CPR. I know what I'm doing. ("Annie! Annie! Are you okay?!")

Wish me luck.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

No way, eBay.

I tried to sell shoes on eBay earlier this year. Only sold one out of seven pairs. And I also somehow got involved in a major dispute that went all the way to the eBay "authorities." (Not sure how they determine that - badges? Certifications? Special parking spaces?) But I digress.

One of my more expensive pairs of shoes was starting at $200, but they could "Buy Now" for $300. On the very last day of the sale, I got a buyer willing to pay the $300. I was so excited, I practically boxed them up that afternoon. But then the next day I got an email from eBay saying it was a fraudulent user, and NOT to send the shoes. Sigh. I got paid for the one pair I DID sell, sent them off and put eBay out of my mind.

Until two weeks ago, when I got a notification that the fraudulent buyer had filed a complaint with eBay, saying they never received the shoes and demanded a $300 refund. Um, what? I will send you the damn shoes when you pay me, crazytown! So I replied back something a little less irate, and thought I had talked some sense into her.

Wrong. Last week I got an email from eBay, saying the case had now been brought to the authorities, and they would let me know their decision. Starting to feel like I'm on People's Court here - all I wanted to do was make a little extra cash! Sheeeeesh.

Yesterday I learned that eBay ruled in my favor (sweet victory!), and I was free to go buy and sell as I pleased. But I'm totally gun-shy - what if crazy lady hunts me down or spreads nasty eBay rumors that I'm a terrible seller! Biyotch. This is actually quite a con she has going - I'm sure someone out there actually DID pay her, and now she goes around looking for another sucker. Look elsewhere, sweets.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

You can't make this stuff up

This, sadly, is a real job posting:

Title: Need Humble Woman Book Editor/Proofreader -

Description: I, Need Humble Woman Book Editor/Proofreader that can do a professional job on my urban novel book.

"Novel book?" Sounds like a best-seller, dude. (Ooh - that wasn't very humble of me, was it.)


(That's "Women Tell All: What The F@*#" for you non-Bachelor watching, non-abbreviators.)

Some good stuff last night - I would SO like to be in the audience for one of these.
Blakely took some (well-deserved) heat, but everything else was kind of a love-fest. (Why didn't they ask Casey S about her boyfriend? Or blogger Jenna about her breakdown? Or Monica about her lesbian tendencies? So many missed opportunities, Chris Harrison.) And man, that Samantha chick WAS a chihuahua. Muzzle. Now.

Was proud of Shawntel (who, side note, was wearing a dress that I own - although I wear it as a SHIRT. With PANTS.) for standing up for herself and calling those bitches out for being, well, bitches. And of course sweet lil southern belles Kacie B and Nikki were adorable and tugged at your heartstrings, y'all.

And then there was Courtney. In the Most Dramatic Women Tell All Ever, they allowed one of the final two to come back and address the firing squad. And fire away they did. I noticed a few things about Courtney's demeanor that were interesting: her voice seemed lower and softer. She didn't do the weirdo lip thing. And she actually cried. And apologized. Now, this could all just be for TV, but I'm not sure she's that great of an actress (or model, for that matter). I almost believed her. And I think she gave away the (not-so-secret) ending: that she and Ben are no longer together. She said something like "I didn't mean to hurt Ben. I really cared for him. Still DO care for him." Um, oops. Guess we'll have to wait for next week's After the Final Rose to learn the truth.

Ben came on at the end, but I am so over him I barely paid attention. Even the usually awesome bloopers were pretty lame - he has some ridiculous dance moves.

But how excited am I about Bachelor Pad 3?!?!?! Reid?! A barely-recognizable Frank?! Erica Rose (again)?! And ED. Please let Ed bring his little green short shorts. Please.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Hardest thing I have ever done.

Putting THIS together.

Seriously - it took three people 15 minutes and gathered a crowd in the office. (Sometimes I really feel bad for all the IT developers that sit in my area. They must be equally amused and annoyed every day.)

So the first tube didn't turn out so well, but I am happy to report that I am now crazy good at this. Mailing posters to everyone!

(Please don't tell my brother how much I struggled - he works for FedEx and can probably put this crap together in his sleep.)

Mum's the word

At the movies yesterday, saw a preview for 21 Jump Street. Which actually looks pretty funny. Although let's not kid ourselves: Channing Tatum is no Johnny Depp. And neither is Jonah Hill. Hell - Jonah's not even Richard Grieco. But it did get me thinking - there are so many TV shows turned into movies...I'm still waiting for Punky Brewster and My So-Called Life to hit the big screen.

And speaking of going back to high school (21 Jump Street's premise...follow me here), I also watched another ridiculous episode of Big Rich Texas and the moms were putting mums together for Homecoming. Had a flashback to senior year, one of the two years I was invited to Homecoming (cue pity party). For some reason I didn't get a mum, so at the football game I happened to find a discarded one in the parking lot that had obviously been run over by a car, and pinned it to my shirt. Classy. And probably why I didn't get invited more than twice.

Friday, March 2, 2012

I'm such a March Madness snob.

As the NCAA tournament looms, I've been obsessing about what seed UNC will get. 1? (doubtful.) 2? (probable.) And no matter how much I try to prepare myself, it will still make me cringe if/when we don't get the 1-seed. But then yesterday, a co-worker told me that he was so excited, as his alma mater has a chance to play in their conference final next weekend for an automatic bid for the first time in a LONG time. And that's all I needed to snap out of my "we're #2" pity party. Um, a 2-seed is still amazeballs. Especially when you think about the cutie patoot teams who are just so excited to go to the Big Dance at all. (And no, they probably don't like being called "cutie patoots," but whatever.)

Thursday, March 1, 2012

From totally geek to totally chic. And then back to geek.

Moving back to Dallas after grad school was kind a low point for me. Couldn't find a job to save my life, was living in a one-bedroom garage apartment with my mom (which was in Highland Park, it's only saving grace), and driving the most disastrous automobile ever. It was a black Nissan Sentra that I bought from a Nigerian guy who placed an ad in the paper. (If that's not a good idea, I don't know what is.) The clincher: he didn't have the title, so for the entire year and a half that I owned that thing, I had to keep whiting out the date on the paper temporary license plate and blackening in a new date. WHITE TRASH.

I finally found a (very sad) job working as a receptionist at a Mercedes dealership. Had to wear a uniform and a nametag, which was a bummer after wearing a uniform for 8 years in middle/high school. Plus the fact that my high school friends were all doing really well and would come in to BUY a Mercedes. As I cowered behind the front desk. Oh the humanity.

So one weekend I had a hot date and the Sentra died. No big shocker there. But I had to get to the guy's house, so my manager told me I could borrow a car from the dealership. I said "um, okay." He told me to just pick one. I said, "um, OKAY. I'll take the white SLK convertible please." And what followed was the best 48 hours of my life. I drove that thing all around town, my mom and I paraded it around the grocery store parking lot, etc. etc. And then on Monday I had to turn in the pretty little key. I think I cried a little bit.

But at least I had that one shining weekend to see how the other half lives. And then got a bitch-slap back into reality.

Someone with too much time on his hands? Or evil genius? You be the judge.

I give you Suri's Burn Book. Sad that I didn't know about it until this week.