Friday, December 30, 2011
Mind you, he's not all that attractive. His teeth are kind of jacked up. And he's totally gone gray. And he's kind of an a**hole. And I like it.
I loved the show Kitchen Confidential based on his life (plus it starred a pre-Sexiest Man Alive Bradley Cooper), but never really got the Bourdain-ness aside from brief douchebag appearances on Top Chef. Consider me converted, motherf*&#ers.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
*I made TWO casserole dishes, both of which were crowd-pleasers and only one of which almost caught the oven on fire. (Mini-marshmallows: who knew they were so flammable?!)
*Played in the snow - even did a cartwheel. Although I think I pulled something.
*Helped Nana with her iPad. Showed her how to pull up Youtube videos - Whitney Houston videos, in particular - and then the next time my uncle opened it up, PORN. So everyone thought I had been looking at it. Thanks a lot, Youtube.
*Grew a "magic Christmas tree" that my brother and his wife got me - and whatever the hell was in that water ate through my grandmother's marble table. Impressive.
*Got hit on by the guy cooking on the hibachi at Genghis Grill in Denver. His "move"? Flipping one of my pieces of broccoli behind his back and catching it on the plate. What a stud.
*And officially fell in love with Denver. Just sayin'.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
To backtrack, I have run the marathon before. Back before the dawn of time, er, iPods - just to give you an idea of how long ago this was. Yep, I ran 26.2 miles with a damn fanny pack on, holding four mixed tapes I made to run to. And immediately after I started running, the tapes unwound and I was stuck listening to the damn radio for four and a half hours. So I completed the race, checked "marathon" off my bucket list, and promptly hung up my running shoes. No runner's high for this gal. Planned never to run again unless I was being chased.
Until late 2009. I had been fired and was pretty bored and bummed out. Watched the adorable American (well, technically born in Africa, but now an American citizen) win the NYC Marathon, and decided to run it again. Mind you, this was November 1. I had 6 weeks to train. Sure. So I started running (at least, on the weekends. I really hate running!). 9 miles. 12 miles. 18 miles. And then my hip got all jacked up. Yep, early 30s. Hip problems. Sigh. So I decided to just run the half. Which still wasn't exactly a cakewalk. But I think my body was like UM NO on the 26 miles. Ain't happening.
And here we are again. Got inspired to run the half again. Ran 6 last week and didn't want to die. Upped it to 9 yesteday. Didn't want to die. Until about an hour afterwards when my hip started to ache. And now I'm limping. Just not sure it's worth it. But I do like the medals for finishers...I know, I know - "my precious." So not sure what I'm going to do. Have until March to decide...it's all fun and games until I need a hip replacement at age 35. Stay tuned.
Friday, December 16, 2011
I found the elusive John Denver and the Muppets video clips on YouTube (thanks Chris) and sent her the 12 Days of Christmas link. Her comments were classic:
"Who is the guy singing?" (embarrassing side note: used to name John Denver as my favorite singer, circa 1984.)
"Who is the one with the snout?" Alarmingly, I thought she couldn't identify Miss Piggy - but equally alarming, she didn't know who Gonzo was.
"Is that Kermit's baby?" Um, no. Nephew Robin. What is WRONG with this generation.
And finally, "Are they all frogs?" Dear god. I'm buying her the complete set of Muppet movies for Christmas. If I can change one life...
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
- A Charlie Brown Christmas is still such greatness. Particularly watching how bizarro each of the Peanuts gang dances.
- Can't really watch anything claymation anymore (sorry, Rudolph and the Island of Misfit Toys) - it's honestly a bit creepy.
- Am I a horrible person to admit that I've never seen It's A Wonderful Life? I mean, I know it's on every year. But so is the Jerry Lewis telethon, and I don't watch that, either.
- Of course A Christmas Story. And my favorite movie of all time, Christmas Vacation.
- Does Elf count? Who cares. It's fantastic. As is Bad Santa. Four Christmases is NOT.
- The South Park episode featuring Stan singing about being a lonely Jew on Christmas.
- Most of the new specials don't really do it for me. Probably because I'm not six. But there's also the risk of overkill. A Scooby-Doo Christmas! A Flintstone Christmas! (yes, I flipped past the Cartoon Network the other day)
- Plus the one million Lifetime TV Christmas movies. We get it.
- Christmas Eve on Sesame Street is a tear-jerker. At least it is for me. Big Bird gets lost and almost freezes to death trying to wait up for Santa. When I was four, that was slightly traumatizing. (And yes, it still makes me cry. Because I have it on VHS. Which is sad for many reasons.)
- There used to be a John Denver and the Muppets Christmas special. Not the CD - we own about 8 copies of that as a family - but a TV show. And dammit to hell if I have never been able to find it. Assuming the copy we had on Betamax back in the day is unusable at this point.
Here's hoping you have your own "a very special Christmas episode" which will air in reruns for years to come. We'll be right back after these messages.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
I guess it was inevitable. Last week, a close family member asked if I was gay. (Well technically, they asked if I liked kissing boys, but that's a slippery slope right there.) Stunned, I vented to friends about it, and a few other single girls have had similar experiences with their families. WTF - I guess older generations figure there's no other possible reason ladies in their 30s are still single. Well, here's one: I refuse to settle. (And there are obviously a myriad of other reasons, but I don't have the energy or enough alcohol to get into them here.)
So in closing: I am not gay. Just picky. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)
Monday, December 12, 2011
But also, ew, LL. I remember in college when Playboy was recruiting on campus for their "Girls of the ACC" edition. A girl I worked with at Macaroni Grill was in it, and of course she brought in a copy for all to see. And I have to say...meh. Not all that impressive. And no, I'm not just jealous. Really.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
I heard on the news last week that the Mavericks haven't received their championship rings yet because Mark Cuban wants to consult with them on the design and he couldn't talk to them due to the lock-out, blah blah.
Well, the lock-out is now over, and may I suggest that the Mavs order something similar to the above, that covers multiple fingers like brass knuckles? Picture it: instead of "Bad," it says "MAVS," all blinged out in diamonds and rubies. Just sayin'. This could start an NBA trend.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
I guess it could have been worse, though - she could have responded with "Well that's just sad" or something.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
I thought about this phrase the other day - it really doesn't make any sense. How is a jaybird any more "naked" than any other species of bird, or any other animal in general?
One that makes more sense but thinking about it as an adult is slightly jarring: "skin the cat!" My grandmother used to say this when we would raise our arms and she would pull off our clothes to get into the tub or get ready for bed. (Seriously. We weren't nudists. These are just two unrelated stories involving a lack of clothing.) I did as I was told back then, but ew - skinning a cat is gross and not exactly PETA-friendly.
Maybe I can just blame it on the South. They do all kinds of things down here that don't really make sense. Except for sweet tea. Now THAT is genius.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
(And yes, one would think upon feeling a sneeze coming on, I would put down the mascara wand. But one would be wrong.)
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
I used to not be able to swallow pills. Not even the nice gel-coated ones. I would gag and either have to opt for chewables (does anyone else think Baby Tylenol is delicious? Just me?), or suck it up and hope the pain/illness would go away on its own. Actually, in a last-ditch effort my dad DID buy me the Pill Masher (as seen on TV). That bad boy would crush up just about anything, and then my parents would hide the remnants in a spoonful of yogurt or peanut butter or something. (Um, isn't that how you get DOGS to take pills. Whatever. It worked.)
It also might come as no surprise that I still went to my pediatrician until like age 24. (Shout-out, Dr. Sue Hubbard.) So embarrassing, sitting in the waiting room over a college break and having to pretend like my CHILD was in the bathroom, since that would be the only logical reason for someone in their 20s to be in that office...not sure who to blame this on. We'll go with my mother. :)
But I am now proud to say that I can swallow pills and see an adult doctor. What a big girl.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
So apparently my love life is so pathetic that my poor 87-year-old grandmother has had to resort to creating a FICTIONAL man for me. But it doesn't stop there - she has put a lot of thought into this. Some highlights of "Steve Make-believe":
He went to UNC. But he was a senior when I was a freshman, so I didn't know him in school. (Convenient, Nana.)
He is a pediatrician, specializing in asthma. (?)
We will eventually marry and have twin boys. (This could actually happen, since I will be so old I'll be all hopped up on fertility drugs and will probably pop out multiples.)
So there you have it, folks. If anyone knows this guy, let me know. Nana wants me to meet him.
Monday, November 21, 2011
It's people posting what they will do for $5. Everything from pretending to be an ex on social media sites for a week (?) to making a tough decision for you to my personal favorite, having someone dance for two minutes to a song of my choice while wearing a hot dog costume. For $5.
Thank you, Nincy, for bringing this into my life. I'll pay you $5 for it.
And side bar: I'm forcing my mom and grandmother to watch Tough Love tonight so they can see what I'm walking into. Should be interesting. Or tragic.
(And yes, I bought the gifts for my fam as well. It was a win-win.)
Friday, November 18, 2011
And P.S. - spraying 409 on spilled sugar doesn't really help. Instead it creates a hardened, sticky substance that honestly took 30 minutes to clean. And this is why I don't bake. Period.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
1. Free food, bowling and games at Main Event. This was back in September and the fact that they had their Christmas decorations out and carols playing was a little trippy, but fun.
2. Free tour of the Arboretum.
3. Today, free food, margaritas and possible chair massages (although that sounds a little sketchy) at Love and War in Texas.
4. And tomorrow, free food at House of Blues.
A girl could get used to this. Of course, I have to actually PLAN something here eventually, but we've got until January...until then, more free drinks please!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
But that all changed a few weeks ago, when I wore the one pair of knock-off Spanx that I own under a dress to an event - um, yes please. Amazeballs. And now I'm semi-obsessed. I want the reversible tights. I want the leggings. Maybe they make jeggings?
Guilt be gone. I'll have an extra helping of dressing at Thanksgiving - because I'll be giving thanks for Spanx.
Monday, November 14, 2011
These deal-breaker ditties include:
"Smooth" by Santana/Rob Thomas. Uggggggh.
"Yeah" by Usher/Lil John/Ludacris. Seriously? The lyrics are basically "yeah. yeah. yeah. yeah. yeah." Even I could come up with that.
(Or maybe it's more that I hate collaborations?)
Pretty much anything by J.Lo. Or the Biebs. Sorry.
"Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus. "Nodding my head like yeah" is not a thing.
That's it for now. I'm sure there are many, many more.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Hot dude with bedhead and plaid pj pants, leading one of his two adorable dogs down the stairs. (Accompanied by his live-in girlfriend, leading the other dog, in a t-shirt, shorts, and - this was the interesting part to me - patent leather wedge heels. Perhaps they were closest to the door?)
Older lady in a nice pj pants ensemble complete with silk robe.
Couple in jeans with a pizza that had just been delivered - who obviously had just gotten home.
Bunch of drunk groomsmen in matching vests and suits.
And then of course moi, in a sad little blue t-shirt with Cookie Monster's face on it and blue sweatpants. Oh, and tennis shoes. STYLIN'.
UPDATE: Fire alarm went off again at 2:45 am this morning. I think I upped the ante by wearing BLACK sweatpants and a "Frankie Says Relax" t-shirt. Yep, that happened.
Friday, November 11, 2011
And yes, the more I think about it, the more nervous this whole idea sounds. But I won't hear anything until mid-January anyway, so no need to freak myself out just yet. Plenty of time for that when the cameras are rolling.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
And side bar: why is it that whenever I'm at a live auction (which, let's be honest again, isn't that often), I get an overwhelming desire to scratch my head. But I'm terrified to move my arms for fear that they'll think I'm bidding for something. So I just sit on my damn hands until the auction is over. Everyone is safer that way.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
It's about the awesomeness that is the Carrier Classic: UNC v Michigan State, on Friday, Veteran's Day, on the deck of a freaking aircraft carrier, airing on ESPN. Set your DVRs.
We even have these sweet camo uniforms to wear:
(Side bar: he BETTER be a Tar Heel fan.) My only fear is that in the heat of (basketball) battle, someone will shove someone else right over the side of the ship, but then I think about all the hot military men who will be in the audience, and I settle back down.Don't think it's a coincidence that USA and UNC have the same number of letters and both start with the letter "U." And now I sound like I'm on Sesame Street. So be it. And GO HEELS.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
Regardless, I have to give everyone props for finding something to do to break the boredom. :)
Thursday, November 3, 2011
I seriously have no one. Obviously not dating anyone, and I refuse to ask someone I barely know, simply because I don't even know these work people very well and that would just lead to awkward silences and probably too many free drinks. Which then leads to Sarah losing her job. (I feel the same way about inviting a random dude to a wedding, which explains the sad yet impressive statistic that in my 34 years on earth I have never taken a date to a wedding. Not ever. )
Wouldn't even really want to make a guy friend have to go, either - although it's an awesome band and the top 25 chefs in Dallas are doing the food, so I'm sure it will be semi-fun...So that of course leaves the trusty "gal pal." Which is STILL weird because technically we'll be sitting with and hanging out with work folks and therefore I probably shouldn't bust out my best robot on the dance floor. So after asking around, I have opted for my sweet co-worker. At least she knows these people too...
Of course, I bitch about trying to find the elusive "plus one" - but it's equally painful when you're NOT "and guested" - I mean, WHAT. You don't think I could FIND a date?? (I mean, I couldn't. But you shouldn't assume. :) )
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
And yes, totally copying my bro's mo below, yo. (I like to rhyme.)
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
But thank god their wedding was free - that would be an unfortunate waste of $10 million. And three wedding dresses. And four hours of my time, watching the damn spectacle on TV. Here's hoping E! will put together a five-hour special documenting the divorce. Ooh - and a Lifetime TV Movie! I can see it now: "Krazytown: The Kim and Kris Story."
Monday, October 31, 2011
Growing up, we had a big trampoline in the backyard. Hours and hours were spent double-bouncing friends off the side, doing seat drops, working up to front and back handsprings and flips. Friends and I even made up routines to music - thank you, little lavender boombox from 1986. Then in high school at one of my infamous parties, I heard rumors that people were making out on the tramp(oline - ha). And a couple drunk dudes even spent the night out there. (Sorry, mom)
I do miss the trampoline era - which is why this Jump Street place sounds amazeballs. Although I will most likely stick to seat drops. If I tried a back handspring I would most definitely wind up hospitalized.
Friday, October 28, 2011
I give you...
Costume #1 (at work): Super Mario Brothers. I am Luigi, apparently. (And yes, my obsession with fake mustaches continues)
Costume #2: Run DMC. Illin'.
And costume #3: Black Swan. Although I don't think I'm going to commit to the crazytown make-up. (So will sadly just look like a black-clad ballerina. Sigh.)
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
With that said, GO RANGERS. Because in all honesty, the sooner baseball is over, the sooner college basketball is here. And that is all that really matters to me. Sorry sports fans.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
HOWEVER. Now they are on Daylight Savings Time and have freaking sprung forward, so it's a 16 hour difference. And as of November 6 when we go on Daylight Savings and fall back, it will be 17 hours. For the love of Pete. How in the hell am I supposed to remember this crap. Thank god for those time zone converter websites. Freaking other side of the world - literally.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
But these markers made me think of something ELSE awesome from the 80s...
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Unfortunately, the surveys are anonymous and all we had to go on was an IP address. But one girl I work with is a super-sleuth, and we soon came to the sobering discovery that the love note came from none other than our Shanghai office. Where they probably didn't even understand the question.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
"Why am I Still Single?" Perhaps the better question is, Why am I Still Watching??
Monday, October 17, 2011
Florida - Thanksgiving
Colorado - Christmas
Vegas - girls' weekend
Colorado - girls' ski trip
New Orleans - FINAL FOUR, BITCHES
And then possibly a trip to NC to see a game (conveniently scheduled around a work conference to get the airfare paid for) and another trip with a friend in the coming weeks. Mama needs a day off. Or five.
Only I could give myself food poisoning. Pretty impressive stuff, I have to say. Can't blame it on bad sushi or uncooked meat from the hole-in-the-wall Mexican place...nope, I get sick from a bag of freaking lettuce. Sigh. Maybe this healthy eating thing has got to go. Although I would probably get a whole OTHER kind of sick from eating chili cheese fries. Ew.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
So I'm working my little bake sale shift, and noticed the table with pies/cakes up for auction. One of them was a tiramisu, made by the Office Crush. Fancy. No one had bid anything yet, so I decided to take one for the team (who are we kidding here - it was for MYSELF. Screw the team) and placed the opening bid on his tiramisu. $20. And had to include my name and phone number. Right after I did it, I realized how embarrassing this could be. I was basically PAYING him (ok, via charitable donation) to notice me. Plus- would I have to return the lovely dish it came in and strike up some random and likely embarrassing convo? Oh the humanity.
Thank god someone bid $25 and took home the tiramisu. My head doesn't need the stress, and my waistline doesn't need the calories. So it's a win-win.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Host: Ben Affleck. Pre-veneers and tanning.
Special guest: his girlfriend, Gwyneth Paltrow (!).
Weekend Update: Colin Quinn (!!).
Sample sketch: Mango.
I guess 1998 was longer ago than I thought. Sure makes me miss the SNL cast I grew up with - Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, David Spade...
"I left 'em in my other pants."
"You don't GOT no other pants."
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
My thoughts thus far:
Kris Humphries is a complete douchebag. What an immature moron. Plus he looks like a neanderthal. (I know, why don't I tell you what I really think, right??)
Bruce Jenner needs to get rid of the earring, stat.
Hermes dishes? Seriously???
And finally, Rob Kardashian is a total waste of space. The only thing they have him doing is binge eating? Get a job, my man.
Alright. Now my palate is klean (see what I did there?) and I'm ready for round two. Sigh.
Friday, October 7, 2011
You can't make this stuff up! (Sometimes I wish you could.)
Thursday, October 6, 2011
But Zappos has a Chief Happiness Officer! I could sooo do that job.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
HARRY ELEFANTE (please tell me someone has heard of Harry Belefonte. If not, please disregard.)
COW BELLA (as opposed to "ciao, bella"...)
...and my personal favorite, STING RAY CHARLES. (You know, like Ray Charles? But it's a sting ray?!)
Monday, October 3, 2011
Bad news. The car isn't that smart. It's freakishly small and I'm sure eco-friendly, but it cannot solve calculus equations (neither can I), nor can it actually drive for you. I speak from experience, having almost had a head-on collision with one yesterday. Pardon me, sir - do you think because your Smart car is so small, no one else can SEE you? It's not an invisible car. You're not Wonder Woman. (I know, it was an invisible jet - but I'm on a roll.)
So you in that teensy tiny car - it may say "Smart" on the engine (or maybe not - I do not know anything about auto mechanics. BUSTED.), but you still have to actually abide by the laws of the road.
Ironically, my smart PHONE is truly smarter than me. Although after reading this blog post, that's not saying much.
And now I'm craving Smarties. Thank goodness it's Halloween candy season.
And sadly, this was the most exciting thing that happened to me this weekend. Oink.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Wonder which scenario they would want me to start with: the fact that both dates I had this week cancelled at the last minute? Or that the guy I had gone on 5 (sober and make-out free, yet still fun) dates with fell off the face of the earth? Or there's always the creepy older dude who emailed me about coming over to his place while he cooked me spaghetti and I could lie in his tanning bed...
Now THAT'S an infomercial I would stay up to watch. :)
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
But that all changed last night, when I got my first "thanks, but no thanks" response from a guy. Match tries to make it less humiliating by saying "they don't know what they're missing!" which is debatable, but the fact remains that I much prefer never hearing a word back. Take a note, future dumpers. That way I can just pretend they never got my email. Ignorance is bliss. Especially on the dating scene.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to make macaroni. You know, by sticking a feather in my cap or something.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Did NOT like Whitney, Free Agents or The Playboy Club. Which also made me feel fat.
Hopefully this will save you some space on your DVR. :)
Friday, September 23, 2011
Getting down from my soapbox now. Sorry.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Recently my phone hasn't been letting me upload photos onto Facebook. (A real tragedy, I assure you.) So on Saturday at the SMU tailgate (er, boulevard) I decided to rely on a tried-and-true manuever that has worked for me since the days of the Atari computer - take the battery out and blow on it, then restart the damn thing. So I did, and voila! The photo quickly uploaded.
Feeling pretty confident in my technical skills, I was then asked to take another photo for a friend. Imagine my surprise to find that the lens was completely black. I could literally see nothing. I fiddled with it for about an hour and then came to the unfortunate conclusion that I was a total moron. When I put the phone back together, I put the new-ish cover back on - upside down - and it was completely covering the camera lens.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen! I'll be here all week!
Monday, September 19, 2011
Emmy sidebar: Does Rob Lowe age AT ALL. What in the world.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Had a similar experience yesterday - all of a sudden, I could access Match.com at work. (It is usually banned, forcing me to actually do work.) I had a feeling it was a fleeting achievement, and I was right - I tried to get on later and got the all-too-familiar "DENIED" screen.
Ah, well - fun while it lasted.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
I semi-pulled it together (got out of the grocery store right before their "moment of silence," which I'm sure would have brought out the waterworks), and was doing okay for most of the afternoon, but then started watching the re-broadcast of A Concert for New York on vH1, and totally lost it. And then lost it again watching a Dateline special while lying in bed last night. Which meant I couldn't sleep. Thank god for seemingly constant reruns of Friends on Nick at Nite.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Slight poster-ish tangent: while shopping for the supplies, I saw colored paint pens which write on car windows. I know this is not exactly a new invention, since I always see cars in Highland Park boasting about "Seniors 2027!", but growing up we used white SHOE POLISH, people. (Which of course we already owned to shine up the saddle shoes...) I haven't shoe polished anyone's car since then - oh, except for my mom's 50th birthday. ("Honk! I'm 50!" She was not amused.)
And now that I'm talking about it, I would really like to shoe polish someone's car here in the next month or so. Just a heads up.
There were four photos highlighted, suggesting they lived in Dallas. All four were ridiculously hot and I was like, "hmmm - haven't seen THESE guys before!" And so...yes. I am officially the girl who logged onto Match and typed in all four screen names. And no, they are not real profiles. Actually, two ARE real, but they both live in Hollywood. So we can assume they are actors. Sigh. Sounds about right. Fooled again. Match, 1. Sarah, 0.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Um. Form letter, much? I'm assuming he sent this to a bunch of girls, and if anyone writes back, he will in fact be moving to their town. Those Germans - ballsy.
Also got an email from a guy telling me he had briefly looked over my pictures, and had married (and divorced!) me in his mind. And thanked me for the imaginary memories. He is letting me keep our home in Hawaii, which is thoughtful - but why did we get divorced?!
I know you are all sooooo jealous that this is how I spend my time. :)
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
Why you want to move so fast
We don't have to take our clothes off
To have a good time
We could dance and party
And drink some cherry wine
Ah, Jermaine Stewart. Singing the (unofficial) purity pledge anthem.
That's how they getcha: tear you down and make you pay to build yourself back up. Genius, really.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
All the girls there (waitresses included) were wearing the shortest, tightest "dresses" (probably shirts) I have ever seen. And sky-high stripper heels. (I'm sure any guys that read this are running over there right now...)
You couldn't sit down anywhere because every booth in the place was "reserved," although it was 10:30 and empty...
There was no sign on the bathroom doors indicating which was guys and which was girls. I was praying that it wasn't an Ally McBeal unisex situation, but luckily we guessed correctly and found the ladies room.
Glasses of wine were $14, but oddly the specialty drinks were a "steal" at $10, so we settled on a random Skinny Berry Guava something-or-other that I sipped on all night because hell if I was going to drop more than $20 on drinks. No ma'am. Not this cheapskate.
We attempted to make conversation with a few dudes, but nothing came of it, so we did what all girls do in that situation: hit the dance floor. Oddly I did know a few of the songs - kind of assumed it would be all house/techno with no words - but after that, we felt we had done all we could do, and got the hell out of there. (Of course, had to check myself in on Facebook beforehand. Because that's what I do.)
But long story short(ish), I think the cast of Most Eligible Dallas would be uber comfortable at Glass. It's their kind of people. Not mine. You're welcome, Bravo producers.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Just playing the numbers game. Hopefully ONE of these dudes will stick...because I don't think I can go 4 for 4. Mama needs a nap.
Melissa is so crazytown that she really might never get a date again in real life, and Erica is just...Erica. Her oily rubdown of Blake was another fast-forward inducer for me. Vom.
And what was up with Michael's "I Heart Water" t-shirt? Is he getting royalties for some sort of water company? Or is that just how he truly feels? I'm sure we'll find out soon enough, as he tends to express his feelings often. (Shame on you, Holly. Shame on you for making snow angels with Blake and being all "woe is me - two guys are in love with me!" Must be nice.)
What I truly don't understand about this show (and perhaps one reason I'm not picked to participate) is why. They. Don't. Just. Vote. Off. Kasey. No one can understand him anyway...would just make communication a lot easier around there, if you ask me. Not that you did.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Spell your own name correctly. Seriously. Just got an email from someone with the screen name "Chrisitopher." Now, unless this is some new hip spelling for Christopher, run a quick spell-check, buddy. I know, my standards are just unreachably high. Sigh.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Last week I was tasked with testing out the webcam capabilities at work in order to record a presentation by our CEO. He would stand in front of a screen with PowerPoint slides, which we tested on the camera, but I of course wanted something more. So I asked our IT wiz to download a roaring fire to create a fireside chat. And he did. So the above is what we came up with. Sadly, the CEO ended up using the slides anyway. But how great would it have been for him to rock some sort of cardigan sweater in front of the "fire," remove a pipe from his mouth, and delve into the meeting.
(Note: this is why I'm not a CEO.)
Someone asked him what restaurant he went to. He said he couldn't remember.
(I wonder why.)
Thanks - I'll be here all week! Try the veal!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Cringe-worthy Moment #1: When nutty Erica Rose kept pawing at Jake and I knew a serious mug-down was about to happen (and I was right. Ew.)
Cringe-worthy Moment #2: When Kasey serenaded Vienna. WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS. I seriously can't deal.
Stand-out Moment #1: Bret f-ing Michaels. What the hell he was doing there, I have no idea - are they giving him a new show where he's a relationship coach? - but damn I heart him. And damn I miss Rock of Love.
Stand-out Moment #2: Synchronized swimming, people. SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING. I heard an interview with Chris Harrison on the radio and he said the guys' Speedos were quite...revealing. HA. And the whole thing made me think of the best SNL sketch in history, featuring Martin Short in a life vest because he's "not a strong swimmer." Greatness.