Wednesday, December 31, 2014


Ah, New Year's Eve. The night that single people dread, and the night I usually spend midnight in the bathroom to avoid watching everyone else get kissed (that is, when I actually make it to midnight). I swear NYE is worse than Valentine's Day, because on V-Day you can just stay in. But on NYE you feel obligated to put on something sparkly and go out. This year I actually have a date. I haven't had a date on New Year's since like 2007 (very sad and very true). So here's hoping the only reason I would be in the bathroom at midnight is if I had too much champagne. (Actually, let's not hope for that.)

Happy 2015 everyone!!

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

The "Subway" makes me nervous, however.

Going to Cabo for a wedding next weekend, and I kind of love the airport map that the hotel shuttle sent me:

Of particular interest: the "Do Not Acknowledge" in the Time Share Area (and having been to Cabo, this is an excellent tip), and of course the Bar located just outside. Viva Mexico, indeed.

Is there a Walgreens Anonymous program I could join?

I think I have a problem. I go to the drugstore almost every day. It's on the way to work, and somehow every morning I remember that I need something else. Went yesterday, and stopped by again today. And now that I know they carry wine, I might start making an additional stop in the evening. Two-a-days. It's getting worse.

Monday, December 29, 2014

Ghosts of Christmas music past

Four days after Christmas, and Sirius XM is still playing holiday music. (The local radio station was up until today, too.) And sadly, I'm still listening to it. #whygodwhy

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Oh the humiliation

My mom is here for the holidays, and I've been trying to keep her busy (aka tire her out). We've gone shopping, eaten souffles, did one of those painting/wine classes, went grocery shopping and hit the Perot Museum. All within 48 hours. And each time we go out, we clock how many times she embarrasses me. I won't divulge the total, but let's just say it's a significant number. Yes, I embarrass easily, but is there a need to dance in the grocery store? (Note: when the store employee started laughing and asked if she was my mother, I said I didn't have any idea who she was. So maybe that one doesn't count? Yes it does.) Even just throwing out an unwarranted "Merry Christmas!" to anyone who helps us makes me blush. Good thing I have a lot of wine at home. #cheers

Friday, December 19, 2014

Dogs, man.

Sometimes I think my dog isn't kissing me because she loves me - she just loves the taste of my Lip Smackers lipgloss. Gross but true.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

To quote 2 Live Crew, "Banned in the USA"

This whole Sony Pictures/The Interview stuff seems unreal, no? Ironically, like a movie. I actually saw The Interview a few months ago at an advanced screening (and by putting that in print have probably put a target on my back...), and honestly, it's not that good. Aside from a hilarious cameo by Eminem in the first five minutes, I remember thinking the entire time that this was going to be an international incident. (ForeshI was offended FOR North Korea. But the fact that it isn't being released at all isn't fair - you should all be able to decide for yourselves if the movie sucks or not. But it pretty much does. Take that, North Korea.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Rated M for Mature

Played three hours of Cards Against Humanity last night, and apparently there are certain answers that win each time, no matter WHAT the subject matter is:

"Two midgets shitting into a bucket"

"Three dicks at the same time"

And occasionally "Fire a rifle into the air while balls deep inside a squealing pig"

So there's that.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Blackhawk down

Last night I heard a really loud rumbling noise outside my apartment, so I went to the window to check it out. (And no, it wasn't Santa Claus.) Saw five (!) completely blacked-out helicopters taking off in succession from the rooftop of the Mansion. No lights, completely dark, and they were flying really low. I initially thought it was the President or something (there were helicopters when all three presidents were here for the Bush Library dedication), but turns out it was much more Zero Dark Thirty:

So cool!!

Monday, December 15, 2014


Do Tinder and Facebook have some sort of renewed partnership? Because all of a sudden, the "People You May Know" on FB are guys I went out with on Tinder. INCLUDING the dude with the "yacht." What the hell, Facebook. I don't need to know these guys' last names, nor do they need to know mine! And online dating rears its ugly head. Privacy be damned.

Friday, December 12, 2014

Back to the Future

This list of Christmas gifts that 80s girls wanted really brought me back. It's sad/awesome how many of these I actually owned:

Girl Talk - I specifically remember there were little red dot stickers that were "zits" - nice
Fashion Plates - LOVED these
Barbie and the Rockers - not only did I own them all, but I believe I had the cassette tape as well
Get in Shape, Girl - completely useless, but amazing. Particularly the ribbon for "rhythmic gymnastics?"
She-ra - although I don't think I had the castle. Dammit.
Strawberry Shortcake dolls
Cabbage Patch Kids - duh. I had like 10 of these, including twin preemies
Pound Puppies - had a bunch of these as well
Glitter batons
My Little Pony
Rainbow Brite
Charm Necklaces - so third grade, I can't even.
Barbie Dream House - not sure I had the Corvette, though. Dammit.
Care Bears - complete with Care Bear Stare
Sharp Boombox - HELL YES. I had a lavender one that I carried around like a total idiot.
Jem - might be her for Halloween 2015. Outrageous.
See-through phone - I didn't have this, but man I wanted it. Dammit.

Summary: the 80s had way better toys then we have now. And I don't care that it makes sound older than dirt.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Get out of my nightmare, get into my car

Babysitting this weekend, and it will involve installing a car seat into the Mustang (is this even possible?!) and driving a kiddo like 45 minutes down the highway. Needless to say, I am TERRIFIED. And will probably drive about 30 mph with my hazard lights on. And sidebar: do three-year-olds like 80s music? Because I don't own the Frozen soundtrack. And don't really want to.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Devil's in the details

Feliz Navidad has been popping up on (the admittedly holiday station of) Sirius XM lately. But here's how it appears on the screen:

At first I thought it was a typo, but it comes up like this every time. I mean they can't add one tiny e after his name to make it Jose? This isn't Jos. A Bank, people. #irat #yesileftofftheeinirateonpurpose #makingapointhere

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

All I need now is to meet a Matty and a Mateo and I'll be all set.

You know you've been dating too much when you try to send "Matt" a text and realize there are three Matt's in your phone, plus a Matthew - and you have no idea who is who. (Seriously - no clue I knew that many Matts.) #littleblackbook

Monday, December 8, 2014

Spoiled, party of one

My "free" elliptical finally arrived on Saturday, and with a little help (how the hell is one person, particularly a female person, supposed to lift the machine and at the same time stick the wheels on?!), it's finally up and running. And it. Is. Awesome. It's like a Cadillac. And clearly the one I had before is a Subaru. Not that there's anything wrong with Subarus - it's just once you go Cadillac, you don't go back.

It has a built-in fan, outlets for USB and MP3, a color video screen with sound, PLUS it can connect to the internet via wifi so I can freaking check email and check-in on Facebook from my elliptical.

And I just might.

Friday, December 5, 2014


I hate when you want to buy a song from iTunes and they make you buy the whole album. And I don't want the whole album! So in protest, I will refrain from getting anything at all. Take that, iTunes. (as if they would even notice/care)

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Pleather, party of one

Is it inappropriate to wear a leather dress to a wedding shower? Considering it's a couples shower and I will be attending solo, I think any sort of dress code goes out the window. If anyone asks, leather is my date.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

My gigantic closet is finally coming in handy

Ran into a lady who lives in my building last night as we were both walking our dogs. She asked me if I was in fashion. I said no...she said I always looked "immaculate" and she assumed I worked in the industry. Let it be noted that I was wearing a somewhat ridiculous outfit at the time - neon pink jeans, brown boots and my furry leopard coat - but I'll take it!

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Feeling blue in a red state

As a Democrat in a traditionally Republican state, I have learned that I'm in the minority, and simply not to talk politics. As long as you don't push your views on me, we can all coexist peacefully. No biggie. Guess that's not how everyone feels, though - got an email from a guy on Match over the weekend who said he thought I had a nice smile, but he was concerned that I had selected "Liberal" on the political leanings question. He asked how liberal I was, since he was very conservative, adding "if you think Obama is doing a good job, we shouldn't talk again." I responded that I guess we shouldn't talk again, including a smiley face so he wouldn't take things too seriously. He wrote back "good luck in your search then," so clearly he DID take it seriously. Personally, I think HE needs the luck. Sheesh.

Monday, December 1, 2014

Oh my aching back. And neck. And quads...

In an effort to not gain a ton of weight over Thanksgiving, I utilized my super-fit father and added some new activities to the routine: 6-mile run, tennis, golf and the Stairmaster. (Yes, they still have a Stairmaster.) I stupidly crammed all of this into three days, and am now so sore I can barely move. Probably sore from all of them, so the combination is quite painful. But I did lose a pound, so I guess the old adage "no pain, no gain" is literally true. #ow