Played on the work softball team last night and got two really solid base hits - both went over the infielders' heads into the outfield. (My throwing could use quite a bit of work, however.) The shortstop on the other team was cute and complimented me on the first hit, which almost knocked his glove off. Then when giving the "good game" high fives to the other team at the end of the game, he said, "Good game, Rod Carew!" I said thank you, but honestly have no idea who that is. Actually, the only reason I have even heard the name is from Adam Sandler's Hanukkah Song ("Hall of Famer Rod Carew - he converted"). I assume being compared to a major leaguer is nice, but compliments are better when you understand them. Then later the guy took off his baseball glove and of course he's married. FML, Rod Carew. Whoever you are.
That time you get off your apartment building elevator into the parking garage, and realize you never noticed that the walls of the garage were painted red. Then you walk to your parking space, and although your car is red and the car in the space is red, it is not your car. At first you think you are having a mini stroke, but then realize you got off one floor too soon. YOUR floor is painted green, and YOUR car is in YOUR spot. You then realize it's going to be a very long day.
Holy crap - that was literally the Most Dramatic After the Rose Ceremony ever. But first we have to weed through the two-hour finale.
Nick and Josh get to meet Andi's parents (I love that her dad is named Hy. I can't help but giggle every time), her sister and her brother-in-law, all of whom have trekked to the Dominican Republic to help Andi find "great love." Nick tells Andi's mom repeatedly that he loves her - almost to a creepy level, and Josh, who has one too many buttons undone on his shirt, says repeatedly how nervous he is - almost to a sad level. Hy (heehee) gives them both his blessing to ask for Andi's hand, although he seems a bit more skeptical of Josh to me. Pro athletes - can't trust 'em.
Andi gets one more date with each guy - sailing on a boat with Josh and riding in a Jeep with Nick. Couldn't help but think it was foreshadowing that Josh's date was so beautiful and scenic and Nick's was literally a dirt road full of gigantic mud puddles. During the evening portions, Nick tells the camera that there will be no proposal unless he knows she loves him, which never becomes clear to the audience but he clearly "sensed it" and felt confident about the end result. He even gave her a necklace with a little trinket full of sand from the beach where he first told her he loved her. Sigh. (and a little gag.) Josh (wearing this season's signature red pants) tells Andi he has no doubts or questions and can't wait to marry her. He gives her a sweet note and presents her with an "Andi Murray" baseball card complete with photo and stats. Very adorable. (As a journalist, I kept peering at the screen to make sure he didn't accidentally spell her name ANDY. Because that would have made my night.)
The next day, Josh gets a visit from Neil Lane to pick out a ring and Nick gets a visit from...Andi. (dun dun DUN) She breaks it off gently but isn't super clear on the reasons - it just didn't "feel right" and she didn't want to spend her life overanalyzing things when she could be having fun and wearing tiny shorts! Nick is confused and devastated, admitting he feels like an idiot and feels Andi went "too far" in a lot of ways, giving him mixed messages. Mmm-hmmm. We will hear more about how far she went in a bit.
But nothing can damper a good engagement, and Josh arrives (in an ill-fitting suit - man that jacket barely buttoned!) and tells Andi how much he loves her and her smile and how he lives every minute to see the next one. Sweet but sort of gag-worthy. Andi keeps her cool, and it seems like she might be giving him the brush-off as well, until she admits that she has loved him since the moment she saw him and omg yay! Josh proposes with a gigantic rock which Andi seems more excited about than the actual fact that she is getting married, Josh accepts the final rose and they embrace. Back to the good stuff.
At the After the Rose Ceremony, we learn that Nick has tried to contact Andi twice - once while she was vacationing in Mexico and again at the Men Tell All. Andi refused to see him on both occasions, but he was able to pass her a note via Chris Harrison. Who by the way had a LOT of blue shirts in his dressing room:
Nick is nervous to finally see Andi, telling the audience he doesn't even know what he will say or how it will go. You didn't have time to prepare for this with your other two practice runs? Andi comes out in a wedding-y white lace dress and tries to explain that nothing was wrong with Nick or their relationship; it was just better with Josh. Makes sense to me. But not to Nick - he is not okay with the fact that he loved her and she didn't love him back. Then says, with enough pauses that you know some doozy is about to come out, "If you knew how I felt, why did you make love to me?" (crickets)
The room sort of gasped, as did I - no he di'nt! Andi once again kept her cool - I would have slapped him or stormed out - and says that was below the belt and private, but she DID know how he felt and that's why she let him go without having to propose and get rejected. The audience applauds this explanation, but steam is coming out of Andi's ears and Chris Harrison quickly bids Nick adieu. You can just see the producer yelling into his earpiece "CUT! Get him out of there!" Ha.
Andi dusts herself off and is finally joined by her fiance Josh, who talks about sneaking around in blonde wigs (hers) and sunglasses (his), and although she is not pregnant Josh is trying, dammit! Ah, young love.
We never do hear an announcement about the next Bachelor, but I still predict Farmer Chris. And NEVER Nick. #belowthebelt #redpants #thatsawrap
Butters is six and is genuinely happy to be here. Where? Anywhere. She loves everyone and everything, especially pillows.
This is my dog Charlie.
Charlie is almost three and has serious trust issues with almost everyone. She does NOT love everyone. Especially Butters. Which we learned when Charlie and I stayed with them this weekend. Needless to say, these two will never be kissing cousins.
I arrived to work this morning and a guy in the elevator asked if my heel was alright. I looked back and had apparently cut myself shaving, because there was a huge patch of dried blood on my ankle. And that's not embarrassing at all. HOW OLD AM I. Been shaving for over 25 years and I still cut myself?! Thank god I'm not a guy - for many reasons, but mainly that if I had to shave my face and neck every day I would end up hospitalized for blood loss.
I know the Lionel obsession has to stop, but please humor me with one more post. Thinking back on We Are the World, I know there were randoms - like Dan Akroyd - in the crowd. I wondered who else I had overlooked, plus who all was involved in the misguided remake in 2010 for Haiti. Behold:
I think we can all agree WTF on Tyrese Gibson and Vin Diesel. What, no Paul Walker (RIP)?!
Also kind of saddens me that Harry Connick and Heart were only in the chorus. No one puts Heart in the corner. #team1985
If you have not yet watched last night's episode, let me give you a tip: you can just fast-forward through the first 30 minutes. Unless of course you WANT to see a bizarre live sonogram of a very pregnant Ashley and JP's baby. What in the world kind of dress was she wearing where she could show belly skin all of a sudden? Is this some new maternity fashion I'm not aware of?
So good news everyone - it's a boy. Moving on.
The next 10 minutes was wasted with previews from Bachelor in Paradise. Which I will of course be watching (and blogging about), but I don't need to see all the dramz beforehand...
Finally it's time to talk to Andi's exes. Who were all wearing scarves, in a nod to the fact that there was a prevalence of neckwear this season. Oh, the sense of humor on these lads! While we're talking attire, I also noticed two guys were wearing mustard yellow pants, and at least three wore red:
Ames did it first, and really did it best - although Marquel is a close second. I also enjoyed the cookie on his lapel, in homage to his "cookie monster" nickname:
Chris Harrison dives right in, asking Marquel about Andrew's alleged racist comment. Andrew still denies he said anything, and it's affecting his personal and professional life! Dude - being on this show will do that to you anyway. No matter HOW much of an idiot you make of yourself. Marquel keeps his cool, JJ comes off a bit desperate, and Farmer Chris just seems hot awesome.
Marquel takes the hot seat, and claims had he known all the other guys were smooching on Andi, he would have made a move himself! Then he passes out black and white cookies to the ladies in the audience, following a plug about Bachelor in Paradise.
Marcus also takes the hot seat, says he doesn't regret falling in love with Andi, and also receives the BIP plug. We get it, Chris Harrison. August 4. We'll be watching. Sheesh.
Farmer Chris takes the hot seat. Emphasis on hot. (Okay, I'm done.) He wishes he had more time with Andi to show her what he's willing to do for the one he loves (intriguing!), and is then accosted by some woman in the crowd who says she has a question (can she meet Chris?) and comes on stage and plops down next to him. Props, lady. She then gets the commercial break to have a "speed date" with the farmer, and gives him her digits. On a Post-it. (All I could think of was the Sex and the City when Carrie got broken up with. On a Post-it. But that's neither here nor there.)
Finally it's time for Andi to come out and face the music. She has a few tough questions, including from some guys I don't remember, with a common theme of "what happened? why not me?" And she used the pat response of "I didn't want to hurt you, so once I knew we had no future, I let you go." Ah, thanks for clearing that up.
We watch some bloopers (more footage of the guys' dance party, please!) and Chris surprises Andi with the lie detector results that she ripped up before. Three guys (Brian, JJ and Chris) told the truth, and three guys (Marcus, Dylan - looking MUCH better with a haircut - and Josh) lied at least once. Andi wants to hear more. Marcus lied about sleeping with less than 20 women. Nice! Dylan lied about washing his hands in the bathroom, although apparently because he carries hand sanitizer in his pocket, that makes it okay, being attracted to brunettes and being ready for marriage. CLASSIC. But Andi doesn't want to know what Josh lied about. Interesting. Maybe it's that he's annoyed when she says "Stop." Because I know I am. No lie.
Chris Harrison also teases Andi about the pregnancy rumors - but she is not preggo, everyone. Which she cleared up later by posting an Instagram picture of herself drinking champagne. Alrighty then.
Next week is the big finale - Nick or Josh. Fingers crossed we learn that Farmer Chris is the next Bachelor. I might dust off my application for that one. #bringitiowa