So Frozen became the highest-grossing animated movie over the weekend, passing the billion dollar mark. Clearly it's a phenomenon - maybe I should see it? I have soft spots for the Disney movies that came out when I was growing up - Little Mermaid, Lion King, Beauty and the Beast - but can appreciate Pixar movies like Finding Nemo, Toy Story, Monsters Inc., etc. as well - especially when you see how far animation has come since back in the day. Kind of makes me wish I could draw more than stick figures. #dangit
We're now offering bi-weekly yoga classes at work, and I really enjoy the names of the moves. Last night, for example: Flamingo. Pigeon. Cow. Cat. Tree. Moose. Cactus. (Those last two I just made up, but it's very possible those are actual yoga moves.)
Some women are won over with jewelry. Some with flowers. Some with chocolates. But me? I prefer tickets to major sporting events. Went on a first date with a guy on Tuesday night, and mid-way through the evening he asked me to go to Rangers opening day with him. Not entirely sure there's a romantic spark, but I am willing to sit at a baseball game for 5 hours to find out...
My team is out (boo), so now I can stop being super-fan and go back to the girlie commentary I've been holding in all weekend:
1. That guy on the Nebraska team has really shiny, pretty hair!
2. The Iowa State coach is HOT.
3. The Harvard cheerleaders are NOT.
4. "Axe 'em, Jacks" might be the best thing I've heard in a while (for the SFW Lumberjacks).
5. Hoping for a Kentucky appearance in the Final Four because odds are Ashley Judd will come to Dallas! Yay celeb sightings!
6. People in the stands need to stop crying when their team loses. There's no crying in baseball, but there's no crying in college basketball, either.
Yay March Madness is here! Regardless of how good UNC plays, it's still my favorite time of year. (Though if I could get a small break and they could get to the Final Four this year when it's here in Dallas, that would be great. Thanks.)
Filled out three brackets, and found some of these thoughts to be quite accurate:
First of all, the title of this blog post is also the name of a fantastic Beastie Boys cover band I saw over the weekend. Seriously - greatness.
Secondly, it brings to mind a conversation I recently had with a guy on a date. He asked if I had ever stolen anything before. I said no. He said, "even when you were little?" I said no. I asked if he had ever stolen anything. He said, "little things like bubble gum and baseball cards. And I also embezzled some money from a former company I worked for." Ummmm what now? The best/worst part: I don't think he was kidding.
Every morning when I let the dog out, we walk through a gate to get out to the street. This morning, there was a homeless man sleeping right on the other side of the gate. Instead of alerting the front desk of my building, I opted to convince Charlie to pee elsewhere and let the man sleep. You're welcome, sir.
Jealous of everyone's amazing hair buns, I finally bit the bullet and bought a "bun-maker" (first sad point of this post: it requires a bun-maker for me to even attempt this). Decided to give it a whirl this morning, and although it looks semi-decent and I somehow mastered the use of hairpins (a HUGE achievement, I assure you), my hair is really too fine to work. And therefore you can see the bun-maker through my hair. Embarrassing, but not enough for me to take it down. I present exhibit A:
I have noticed that I am an extremely jumpy person. People walk up to my desk without my knowing and I literally jump out of my seat. Have even fallen on the floor a few times. Yesterday a car of co-workers pulled up next to me at a stoplight, and when they rolled down their window and yelled, I jumped. Causing them to laugh hysterically. I might need to make everyone I know wear a bell around their wrist so I can hear them coming. Or maybe just go to therapy.
JP has solidified himself as The Most Dramatic Heinous Bachelor in the history of the franchise. And looking back over past bachelors, that's saying something.
Chris Harrison hosts a live audience to watch the finale and lead into the After the Rose Ceremony, and they of course include Bachelorette rejects, Sean and Catherine, and Des and Chris. Because what else do they have going on.
But back to the dramz at hand: we're still in St Lucia (this must be like day 8 by now), and Nikki and Clare both get to meet JP's familia and little Camila (although technically Nikki has already met them, but whatever). Up first is Clare, who impresses everyone and gets a seal of approval from JP's dad and gets this eye-opening tidbit from JP's mom: "he is hyperactive." Mmmm-kay. Poor Clare confesses that even though her family is Mexican, she doesn't speak Spanish, which causes everyone to launch into rapid espanol in which they are probably making fun of her rectangle necklace.
Nikki is next, and complains to his family about how hot it is (c'mon, bitch). Perhaps that's why she chose to wear a tattoo-revealing dress when meeting his parents? Because it's so dang hot? More on Nikki's heat issues later. She didn't seem to get the glowing referral from JP's dad that Clare did, but it's kind of hard to understand these people, so I may have missed something.
Clare then gets a one-on-one date, but in typical JP fashion, when the cameras are away, the mice will play, and he says something lewd that offends her to her very core, PLUS tells her (on their very last date, no less) that he doesn't know her very well. Sure. But clearly she's not too upset because she holds his hand as they hike up a hill. Odd. But wait - she finds her backbone (temporarily) later in the evening when he comes over to her bungalow. He goes in for a besito but she backs away and tells him "we need to talk." Oh boy. She asks how he could say whatever it was he said, and he pretends not to remember what that was. Then confuses both Clare and the general audience with JP-isms about being honest and "it's okay" and other circular logic that makes absolutely no sense. The part that particularly got me was when he said he introduced her to his family and to his daughter - I would have yelled out "then why would you say you don't KNOW me?!" But not Clare. Clare is wooed back under his spell with thoughts of having twins in a year and two months. Oof.
Nikki's date goes much better, but she somehow still ends up in tears. She really wants him to say "I love you," but he doesn't. This is some excellent foreshadowing, people.
Somehow it's now the final day - will he propose? Will she say yes? But where is our pal Neil Lane? JP has the ring, but maybe ABC couldn't afford to fly Neil to St Lucia, since all of JP's cousins and nieces and mailmen were already there? The ladies are nervous, but they are dressed in shades of the sea (as is JP, it should be noted), so we're good to go. However the ABC intern clearly did not tell them they would be walking through sand because they're both in heels. And have to lean heavily on Chris Harrison.
Clare is first - we know what THAT means, audience! - and she's super happy and ready to say yes, but JP says he has to say goodbye to her. He goes to hug her and she pushes him away.YES. She is angry and tells him he lied to her and she wouldn't want her children to have him as a father anyway!! #TeamClare
The live audience loves this, and everyone claps. And then when Juan Pablo says he's SO GLAD he didn't pick her, the audience boos and hisses. This is great television, people.
So now it's Nikki's turn, and it's getting warm. And you can tell because she is sweating profusely. Close-ups plus sweating equals no bueno. Poor Nikki. And poor Nikki again because JP is not 100% sure he wants to propose. But he also doesn't want to let her go. So how about a rose because he likes her a LOT?! (Sidebar: Are you freaking kidding me here.) Stupid Nikki is clearly overcome with heatstroke because she nods and says she'll take it. Bad call, Nikki.
Cut to the After the Rose Special: the live audience is clearly stunned, as is Chris Harrison. So the best option is to call in Clare. She struts in wearing a black leather dress (and was it just me or was there no rectangle necklace?!), and says she is over it. She realized he wasn't the man she thought he was, and got closure when she walked away so doesn't need to talk to him again, thankyouverymuch. #TeamClareagain
JP comes out, and the audience looks like they might riot. He still has no regrets about what he said to Clare - he's just honest, folks! - and is clearly confused about what the big hoopla is all about. He and Nikki address their "relationship" - and poor Chris Harrison about has a conniption trying to figure out what's going on - "I don't even know what I'm looking at!!" JP will not say he loves Nikki, although she is in love with him. She's apparently cool with this, saying his actions show he cares, and has no timeline for how long she plans on waiting for this "te quiero" business to happen (or not). JP is adamant on being private and keeping their relationship private - which leads Sean Lowe to say "hate to burst your bubble, buddy, but it's not going to stay private."
Plus, JP has been promising a big surprise, so obviously people think he's going to say I love you - but no, his surprise is that he's happy with Nikki! FAIL. Sean and Catherine (and pretty much the rest of America) are very confused about what JP and Nikki have, and Chris Harrison ends up just giving up on the whole thing. And I love him for that.
The new Bachelorette is annouced: ANDI, ladies and gentlemen! No big surprise there, although I would still love to see Sharleen give things a go.
I really find Juan Pablo to be horrible, and I think ABC is going to have to do some back-pedaling on this one. (He apparently didn't get a spot on Dancing with the Stars because of all of his offensive comments. Ay yay yay, indeed.)
It's Spring Break week here, and seeing everyone's glorious beach and ski vacation photos on Facebook is about more than I can handle. (Albeit I did enjoy driving to work today with no school zones...)
It got me thinking about past spring breaks, and how much I miss the old school MTV Spring Breaks. For example:
Two Real World San Diego (2004) alums are back in a big way - actress Jamie Chung (Hangover, Once Upon a Time), and southern belle Cameran , now appearing on the Bravo show "Southern Charm." I haven't watched the show in a few years, but man I used to be obsessed. Both with The Real World and Road Rules. (and don't get me started on the competitions between the two.)
Got me thinking about some of my favorite castmates from days of yore:
Eric Nies (NYC)
Evil Beth S (LA)
Mike "The Miz" (NYC)
Puck (San Fran) Julie the mormon (New Orleans)
Johnny Bananas (Key West)
Rachel (San Fran) who married Sean (Boston)
Pam (San Fran) who married Judd (San Fran)
Man I would love to get my hands on the box set and start re-watching from the beginning...
Let's get honest,people. JP is an idiot. And also honest. Because clearly honesty is his best policy, okay? (It's okay.)
Clearly they didn't have enough to fill time, so we open with Sean and Catherine in an awkward recap of their honeymoon and wedding night. I'm fairly bored with these two. Good thing the next couple was Kermit and Miss Piggy, in a promo for the new Muppet movie. I did enjoy evil Kermit making fun of JP's accent. #teamkermie
On to the main event: 23 of the 25 booted ladies are back (plus one dog - shout-out, Molly), and I only recognized half of them. A few of the girls kicked off night one even got to speak, which is fairly unheard of. But I guess when all 23 think JP is a douche, you gotta give them all a chance to talk. Even host Chris Harrison admitted no Women Tell All had ever been like that - with everyone groaning about how JP wasn't in it to find a wife, never got below surface-level conversations, and wasn't "fair" (for having "special ones" aka the single moms) even though he kept wanting to be "fair."
Surprisingly, it was Sharleen and Andi who kind of came to his defense. Both girls who had voluntarily left the show because he wasn't the one for them. I thought they both really came off well, seeming very well-educated (and therefore too smart for JP, hey-oh) and non-psycho like some of the other ladies (I'm looking at you, Dog Lover).
Then it was JP's turn in the hot seat, and I felt a little bad for him because the ladies just went OFF. He could barely get a word in edge-wise. But the fact that he had no regrets and was just being honest and would rather be honest and hated than dishonest just kind of made it worse for him. Poor dumb idiot. Take your shirt off. Dog Lover came in from out of nowhere blasting him for his homophobic remarks, and another chick whose name escapes me said he couldn't use the ESL excuse anymore (thankyoujesus). Dumb as he may be, JP took it all like a man, kept his calm (and his shirt, damnit) and said he would like to explain after the show.
Cue the blooper reel to break the tension. Of course, most of that was him saying "it's okay," which didn't really help his case. I am so over this guy and his pink boxer-briefs. One more week to go. Ay yay yay.
And PS did y'all see that Renee is engaged?? That's the "situation" she was referring to. Atta girl, single mom and your spider lashes.