Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Ha! and Huh? all rolled into one

These Duluth Trading commercials are at once disturbing and amazing.

I warned you.

Ghost of chew toys past

Figured Halloween was as good a day as any to post a picture of a dead body.

Little orange stuffed dog toy
Sept 21-Oct 30, 2012

RIP, little guy. RIP.

Monday, October 29, 2012

Maybe I should feed her more.

Good lord my dog eats weird things.

At last count: acorns. Tulle skirt of my black swan costume from last Halloween. Trivial Pursuit box. One of my socks.

And these are just what I have SEEN her eat. Lord know what she chews while I'm at work...

Batten down the hatches. Sandy's a-comin'.

(Side bar: What are "hatches," and what does "batten" even mean?  But I digress.)

So Hurricane Sandy is headed for landfall, and I watched like 3 hours of coverage this morning. I know it's an "epic" storm, but the meteorologists on the Weather Channel are so geeked out about how cool and exciting it all is, It's hilarious to watch.

Also hilarious? This.

But I know, I know - it's very serious and I shouldn't joke. Thinking about everyone on the East Coast - stay safe peeps!!

Friday, October 26, 2012


Not going to lie, the fact that my men's one-size-fits-all costume fits me just fine is a little disconcerting. I'm sure this bag of candy corn will make me feel better.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

My grandfather fought in WWII, so I've heard of FUBAR before and knew what it stood for (F*&#ed Up Beyond All Recognition). But why did I just learn what SNAFU stood for? I actually just thought snafu meant, well, snafu. But no: Situation Normal, All F*#$ed Up. Who knew. I guess one thing's for sure - they like the word F*@#. Can't say I blame them.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Costume reveal

You already saw outfit #1:

Outfit #2:

Complete with saddle shoes, which I wore for 8 years but haven't had any desire to wear since high school.

And unfortunately, outfit #3:

My team is going as Betty and Veronica at work, so naturally that makes me...Archie. Sigh. (The hairpiece is PARTICULARLY unfortunate.)

I'll just get all hopped up on candy and get through it. Happy Halloween!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

All dressed up (in costume) and no place to go

Somehow I have three Halloween costumes this year. I will do my damndest to wear them all, even just around the house. Reminds me of some of the better costumes I've worn over the years - and of course the best ones were homemade:

  • Winnie the Pooh, age 5: Halloween night, refused to wear the red "Pooh" shirt, so technically I was just a bear. With a giant bandage on my chin - while practicing for the Halloween parade at school, I tripped over a speed bump and had to get 9 stiches. Lovely.

  • Scorpion biker gang, age 9: My mom, brother and I all wore jean jackets with giant glittery scorpions on the back. We drew on tattoos (before the dawn of the press-on tat), wore sunglasses and gold chains, and my brother (age 4) greased his hair back. Fairly awesome.

  • Kermit the frog, age 17: We couldn't dress up in high school until senior year, so it was kind of a big deal. I rocked a green unitard, wore actual flippers (which were ridiculously hard to walk in), and a green skull cap that my mom sewed ping pong ball halves on for the eyes. Good times.

  • Although I try to avoid the "slutty" costumes, once I was a "slutty" referee. I only knew the touchdown and facemask hand signs, and kept throwing yellow flags at people.

  • And then one year I went as Tom Cruise in Risky Business. Lots of younger girls thought I was a one-night stand (sigh), and wearing socks (no shoes) to a bar proved rather disgusting.
Here's hoping at least one of the three this year will go over well - if nothing else, blog fodder. There's always blog fodder. :)

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Oof. and woof.

Why do dogs eat something until they throw up, and then do it all over again? (and yes, I'm speaking from personal experience.)

Buh-bye. Bye! Bye now!

Defriended my first Facebook friend due to incessant political status updates last night. And it felt good. (It's possible I have hid other political vomiters, but this was my first real defriending.) And when I say "incessant," I mean 50 posts during the debate. Literally, 50. As if they meant to be on Twitter. But even then - I would probably unfollow on Twitter. So funny that verbs "defriend" and "unfollow" are now part of the lexicon. Then again - if "bootylicious" is in the dictionary, why shouldn't they be.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Such a crybaby.

Why does this commercial make me tear up?

Nailed it.

You know how some car washes offer to re-wash your car if it rains within 24 hours? I think nail salons should offer something like that - if you screw up your manicure within 24 hours, they will fix it for free. (Thought of this yesterday when I managed to mess up three nails within hours of getting them done.) Then again, it could become a vicious cycle -I could see myself having to go back to the salon every day...

Friday, October 19, 2012

Psy-CHO is more like it.

I may be the only one who just doesn't get "Gangnam Style." When it comes on the radio, I change the station. Can't understand what Psy is saying, and it's just all around weird. Now, his dance moves are somewhat stellar, but that's not enough for me to listen for three minutes.

Scariest part about Halloween this year will be how many people are dressed as Psy. I'll stick to the safety of this, thankyouverymuch.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Putting the "chew" in chew toy

I have bought a ton of little doggie toys for Charlie. And all she wants to do is eat them. Exhibit A:

This poor guy lost an ear last night. Man down.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

I approve this message.

I swear to god, if I wasn't so addicted to Facebook,  I would take a leave of absence until after the election. I just don't understand the need to air your political viewpoint/berate the other candidate in front of hundreds of acquaintances. That's what blogs are for. (Ha. I would never do that to you people.)

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

A philosophical quandary

Similar to "if a tree falls in the forest and there's no one around to hear it, does it make a sound," I present:

If, on an early morning walk, my dog poops in the park and it's so dark I can't see where she did it so I can't pick it up, does that make me a terrible person?

I say no.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Not the sharpest tool in the shed.

So I had to get a new voter registration card since I've moved since the last election. It's possible that when it arrived, I signed it and came thisclose to putting a stamp on it and mailing it back. (Back where, I'm not sure.) Thankfully the little 23-year-old at work (who has voted all of once) knew better and told me to hang onto it. I am such an embarrassment to democracy.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Done, done and done.

So the above was written in a co-worker's cube. I'm thinking it originally said "shift attitude?" Or maybe not. Still - I like the message here. Particularly followed by an exclamation mark.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Beep. Beep. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Watched Flatliners last night. Reminded me how hot Billy Baldwin was (is?), how much I also love 90s films, and of course how Kevin Bacon is truly in every movie. Oh- and the odd brief romantic coupling of Kiefer Sutherland and Julia Roberts. Awesomeness. Not sure if it's a Kiefer marathon, but Lost Boys is on in the next day or so as well. MORE awesomeness.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

God forbid this happened in the wine section

I have a serious road rage problem. And it's growing. I now apparently have supermarket cart rage as well. Went to Kroger on a very busy Saturday afternoon last weekend (bad idea #1) and was completely blocked in by a gentleman browsing the soups. I said "excuse me..." four times, getting a little louder each time, but to no avail. He didn't even look up. And apparently four tries is my limit, because the next thing that came out of my mouth was "CAN YOU PLEASE MOVE?!?!?" Yes, I definitely shouted. Yes, there were a bunch of people around. And yes, he finally got the hint. Sheesh. I need a spa day.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Doctor? Doctor. (Spies Like Us - anyone?)

I had some bizarro symptoms last night, so did the only thing I know to do - go on WebMD and diagnose myself. (I either have anemia, a panic attack or whatever the hell Cryptococcosis is. No need to panic, people.) But I was most amused/mortified by some of the possible symptoms you can select. For example, for the scalp...

I'm sorry, COMA? If I was in a coma, would I be on WebMD? Is a coma even considered a "symptom?" I would say that's the main issue here. (Also intrigued by "craving to eat ice, dirt or paper.")

Fascinating stuff.

And if you really didn't get the title of this post, click here. Stat.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Coulda shoulda woulda

Watched Peggy Sue Got Married over the weekend with my mom (awesome), and we started talking about what we would do differently if we could go back and do it again. What could have been a deep, thought-provoking look back into my life....wasn't. The only thing I could think of was in 6th grade when a guy named Brandon asked me to "go out" with him (whatever the hell that meant at the time: barely seeing each other, maybe a group movie at the Big UA, etc.), and I said no. He quickly moved on to another girl who from then on was very popular with the boys (ahem) and I...wasn't. And still am not. I really do blame the way my life has turned out on that fateful phone call which lasted all of two minutes. Freaking pre-teen doofus. Alas. Still have it better than Peggy Sue, though - she wound up with a very blonde Nic Cage. So there's that.

Friday, October 5, 2012

My thoughts exactly.

Ever have one of those weeks? Oof.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

I kind of blame Screech for this.,,20635697,00.html

That'll be burned into my brain all day.

Driving to work this morning, had to merge into one lane because of a work convoy. There were some workers on the road, working (obviously) - including one gentleman who was squatting down to look at something. Hellooooooo butt crack. A little early for all that - then again, it WAS the crack of dawn...

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

I love sleeping. Sleeping's my favorite. (with apologies to Elf)

Not saying I went to bed early last night. But when I woke up to go to the bathroom, I assumed it was time to get up - I was that refreshed. And I checked the clock - 9:25. Assuming the clock had stopped, I checked another clock. 9:25. And then I went back to bed. Yay.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

The Great Pumpkin

This time of year is pumpkin-tastic. From pumpkin spice lattes at Starbucks to pumpkin displays at the Arboretum, it's practically omnipresent. And then I saw this:

Thank you, Pumpkin Gods. I grew up with this cinnamon raisin swirl bread, which was heaven on a plate, but now it's pumpkin flavored? Can I get an amen.

Monday, October 1, 2012

I dream of JEAN-nie

How is it October already?? This weekend actually felt like fall - well, enough that I pulled out the jeans. It's always terrifying for me to put jeans on for the first time since the spring (I do not wear jeans when it's over 80 degrees, which in Texas is the majority of the year). But thank god, they fit. Might be a different story after I polish off a few bags of candy corn, however.