Friday, October 31, 2014

A Halloween horror story

Somehow last night I managed to shave off half of an eyebrow. No idea how, but it's gone. Now, my eyebrows are white, so it's not that noticeable - until I darken them for work/being out in public. It'll grow back, right? RIGHT?! Might need to rethink my Halloween costume.

Sidebar: google "no eyebrows." Why are there 1000 images of celebrities without eyebrows?!

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Warning: Shameless Hotel Monaco plug

There is really nothing better than staying at a nice hotel. Black-out curtains. Ridiculously comfortable bed. HBO. Fluffy robe. Keurig in the room. Free wine by the fire. #caniextendmystay #noseriously

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Now that's what I call old.

Now That's What I Call Music 52 was released today. 52?! I swear to god I remember when volume 1 came out. And just out of curiosity, I looked it up. Released in 1998 and included the following:

1."Together Again" Janet Jackson5:01
2."As Long as You Love Me" Backstreet Boys3:32
3."The Way" Fastball4:16
4."Flagpole Sitta" Harvey Danger3:35
5."Say You'll Be There" Spice Girls3:56
6."All My Life" K-Ci & JoJo5:31
7."Never Ever" (Single Edit)All Saints4:46
8."If You Could Only See" Tonic4:21
9."Mmmbop" Hanson4:27
10."Zoot Suit Riot" Cherry Poppin' Daddies3:53
11."Shorty (You Keep Playin' with My Mind)" Imajin4:54
12."Anytime" Brian McKnight4:31
13."Barbie Girl" Aqua3:16
14."Karma Police" Radiohead4:30
15."I Will Buy You a New Life" Everclear3:58
16."Fly Away" Lenny Kravitz3:41
17."Sex & Candy" Marcy Playground2:52

Ohhhh Barbie Girl. That was my JAM in college. And K-Ci and JoJo? YES. Wonder if anyone out there has all 52 of these. That would be equally impressive and sad.

PS Headed to Seattle for a conference, so will blog again Friday!

Monday, October 27, 2014

The Cosby Trifecta

Yesterday I was watching a Cosby marathon, and within an hour span, I saw three of my all-time favorite moments:

1. Peter
2. "O-B-K-B" (the way Cliff talks after going to the dentist)
3. Zerberts

With a special honorable mention for Cockroach, the second-best named best friend on 80s TV (after Boner, of course.)

Friday, October 24, 2014

1989 WAS a good year...

Just when I think I'm done with Taylor Swift, she busts out with another catchy song that I have to have. Shake it Off? YES. Not as familiar with Out of the Woods, but I still downloaded it. #respect
And the latest, Welcome to New York? Well it might just be the catchiest thing I have ever heard. Can't. Stop. Playing. It.

Add that to the fact that her cats are named Meredith Grey and Olivia Benson, and I might be a little obsessed.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Heel no

Got so many texts last night about UNC's fraud scandal. My poor Tar Heels. At least Duke still sucks.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

I fear this could be a slippery slope.

I eat fairly healthy (50 Starburst daily aside), but apparently going on dates brings out the junk food demon in me. I don't want to be "that girl" (which I so clearly am), so I try to be polite and try something if the guy asks me to. Over the years, I have had a few bites of peanut butter pie (which was RIDICULOUSLY good), a french fry or two, and possibly even lamb (which I still tell myself was chicken). Over the weekend, I went to an event at a local museum, and they were doing demonstrations with liquid nitrogen: freezing gummy worms, Cheetos, graham crackers and Oreos. I would have preferred a graham cracker, but my date grabbed an Oreo so I went for it. Don't think I've eaten an Oreo since like 1989. It was good. And made better by the fact that smoke came out of my mouth like a damn dragon. As they say, be yourself. Unless you can be a dragon. Then be a dragon.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

My kind of warranty

I've had my elliptical machine since like 2009, and it's gone through lots of repairs. (Most likely due to the fact that I use it more than anyone ever should.) I just renewed my extended warranty, and sure am glad I did: two parts have been on backorder since August, and when I called to check up on them last week, the service tech told me under my warranty if parts don't arrive in 60 days, I get a Brand. New. Machine. Um, what? That thing cost like $1200. So one more day to wait, and then Merry Early Christmas to me! The big question: what the hell do I do with the old one. And how the hell am I supposed to get it out of my apartment. #singlegirlproblems

Monday, October 20, 2014

As if I need more shopping addictions.

Semi-obsessed with You sign up online, then follow the account on Instagram. If you like what someone is wearing, just literally "like" it and you receive an email telling you where to buy it. So far I have bought three things I "liked," but what I would really LIKE to KNOW is how do you get to be one of the lucky girls featured on LIKEtoKNOW. (see what I did there?) #dreambigpeople

Friday, October 17, 2014

Home, home on the range

A co-worker suggested I try a new dating site, Farmers Only. All you need to do it watch the commercial to understand why I started giggling uncontrollably. I actually did go on the site to browse, and that set off another fit of giggles. Like 1 out of 100 lived in Dallas (no big surprise, given the site's motto), and most were over 60. Soooo probably not a fit for this city slicker.

Which of course then reminds me of Norman:

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Ebola virus, part III

I know Ebola isn't funny, but this kind of is.

On another note, have a dr's appt at the Ebola hospital today. Because that's a great idea.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014


It all started with the Staples "That was easy" button. I got it for Christmas a few years ago and it still comes in handy almost every day at work. But I wanted more. More loud buttons. I now have "That's what she said" and "WTF," both of which ALSO get used almost daily. I really want to collect them all ("No!" "BS Detector" "STFU" etc.), with the eventual goal of never having to actually speak again. Just hit various buttons. #whenwilltheymakeanamazeballsone

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Dog days

I wish anything would make me as excited as my dog gets when she realizes that she gets to ride in the car. Not sure why, since 90% of the time those car rides lead to a bath or the vet, but I guess she's so excited that I'm not leaving without her, she doesn't care.

I also have become that person who turns away when she poops, to give her some semblance of privacy. Is that weird? (I know, yes.) Next thing you know, I'll be buying her Halloween costumes. Oh, wait...

Monday, October 13, 2014

Safety first

Went to the batting cages on a date on Saturday. And felt the need to wear this:

That's right, folks - I wore a helmet. For slo-pitch softball. And then after hitting, I noticed that no one else out there was wearing one (except for a five-year-old kid). What the hell, people - I'm the last one to wear a helmet skiing (and went into that kicking and screaming), but the only jackass wearing a helmet when huge balls are flying around? (that's what she said, I know.)

So I begrudgingly took it over and went helmet-free the rest of the time. I'm sure my date was happy.

Friday, October 10, 2014

Walk this way

We're doing a 10,000 step challenge at work, complete with pedometers, and I was pretty proud to have walked 81,000 steps this week. Until I looked up the conversion rate, and learned that it takes 2,000 steps to walk a mile - so I've only gone 40 freaking miles?? That would barely get me to work and back! #fitnessfail

Thursday, October 9, 2014


I admit it: I am guilty of watching Blossom reruns on TV. They've been on lately, and I got curious. Didn't remember much about it from the early 90s. What I learned? Aside from the ridiculous amount of hats and Joey "whoa's," there isn't much there. (Shocking, I know.) Most episodes are "A Very Special Blossom," which really doesn't happen anymore. Maybe because there aren't that many sitcoms taped in front a live audience anymore. But seriously. Must we deal with eating disorders/drunk driving/theft/addiction in a 23-minute show that somehow wraps up nicely by the end credits? Bizarre. If we're going to go there, give me 90210 any day of the week. #whoa

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Spanx for nothing

This made the news yesterday. (And by "news," I mean US Weekly.)

Jennifer Garner's dress came up, accidentally revealing that (gasp!) she wears Spanx. I don't understand the big deal here - personally I find it refreshing that beautiful, seemingly perfect women wear them. It's the ultimate "Stars are just like us" feature. Hell - If I didn't find them so damn hot and uncomfortable, I'd be rocking them too! (I also try to steer clear of super tight clothes in which Spanx would be a near-necessity. Take a note, celebs.)

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

You can't sit with us.

Referencing Mean Girls here because I dealt with a Mean Girl yesterday at work. (it was actually a Mean GUY, but it just sounds better.) I'm captaining a team for our work bowling tournament, and have decided on the team name "Bowlerinas." Unfortunately for the team, it's all dudes. And me. And I will be buying pink tutus for all (and possibly getting to re-wear my black swan costume!). One tradition is to make posters promoting your team and stick them all over the office. I am no graphic designer and really can't even use Photoshop, but I managed to whip up this beaut yesterday:

 Clever, no? I thought so - until another captain came into my office telling me how horrible the posters were, and how little time did I spend on them?! WTMF, dude. It's a stupid bowling tournament. Who CARES about the posters. (Plus, I think they're cute!)

Just for that, I'm sticking him and his team way off by themselves in no man's land - the private lane area of the bowling alley. Because not only am I a team captain, I'm in charge of the Whole. Damn. Tournament. (That was very Hair Club for Men, wasn't it? "I'm not just the president - I'm also a client.")

#dontmesswiththebull #youllgetthehorns


Monday, October 6, 2014

Mane attraction

Women have emulated the hairstyles seen on big and small screens for decades. I give you:

The Farrah:

The Demi:
The Rachel:

And, I predict, the Gone Girl:

Saw this movie yesterday and I am semi-obsessed with Rosamund Pike's hair. That plus the brief Ben Affleck full-frontal, and this movie gets two thumbs up from me. #easilyamused

Friday, October 3, 2014

Baba Wawa I am not.

We're hiring a new position on my team, which means I'm having to give like three phone interviews a day. Even though I went to school for broadcast freaking journalism, I would not say I'm the best interviewer - they usually only last about 15 minutes, and I'm afraid I even ask what their biggest strengths and weaknesses are. #clichemuch

At least I don't ask "If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?" But I might start.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Ebola virus, day 2

So my 90-year-old grandmother is concerned about Ebola being in Texas, and has apparently come up with a plan: I am to grab 15 dresses and my dog and drive to Oklahoma before they "close the border" (?!), and my brother and his wife (who live in Austin) are to drive down to Mexico. I am then to continue on to Colorado to stay with my grandmother, and I guess my poor brother is just supposed to fend for himself south of the border. Buena suerte. #nanaFTW

Wednesday, October 1, 2014


So Dallas has Ebola. Or more accurately, one person in Dallas has Ebola. But from the reaction, you would think everyone had caught it.  Methinks people need to calm the eff down and get a flu shot.