Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Jesus I better get a book deal out of this.

This house buying thing is for the birds. Houses are going for $20K-$40K over asking price and being taken off the market in ONE DAY. I can't even get in to see most of them because they're already sold by the time I get an appt. Good lord. I'm going to be the best-dressed homeless person around.

If I somehow DO manage to buy a house, I'm going to write a book. "The Single Girl's Guide to Buying a Home." Hell, I could already write "The Single Girl's Guide to Buying a Car" and "The Single Girl's Guide to Traveling Alone in Europe"... #milliondollaridea

Monday, March 30, 2015

I do. Not.

The Southwest Airlines commercial with the girl dancing at all the weddings cracks me up. We saw it a few times over the weekend, and my mom asked if I still dance at weddings. I told her of course I do (though not to couples-skate songs, obviously), but there is one thing I no longer do at weddings: when they ask for all the single ladies to come out on the floor to catch the bouquet, I remain seated. Mostly because I am the only single lady left, and the bride might as well just hand me the bouquet in a private corner somewhere. Would make it a lot less awkward for me, that's for sure. And isn't her wedding all about me, anyway?? haha

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

How many points for "G"?

Okay, one more post. I finally started playing Words With Friends (I know, I know - welcome to 2011), and it is soooo addictive. Also: I am terrible at it. An embarrassment to journalism degree-holders, in fact. Perhaps with time I will improve? Or at least fall into a deep depression about why I'm so obsessed with Scrabble, basically.

No business like snow business

Off to Steamboat today for a ski weekend (hence the last blog post of the week). Although it's been like 60 there lately, so not sure how much actual skiing will be had. (Damn you, global warming!)

Hopefully it won't be THIS warm, however...

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Taking one for the team, literally

I get really into watching UNC games. My hands are chapped from clapping, my throat is hoarse from cheering/yelling obscenities and I even get a little sweaty. An attractive look all around. But lately I've apparently been taking things to a new level - I perch on the corner of the bar stool (aka on the edge of my seat!) so tightly that I leave the bar with huge bruises on the backs of both thighs.

Exhibit A:

So I am truly putting blood, sweat and tears into being a fan. You're welcome, Tar Heels. Feel free to thank me by winning the national championship.

Monday, March 23, 2015

You win some, you lose some. In both Chutes and Ladders and life.

("Life" as in life, not as in the board game.)

Didn't get the house - had to walk away because the seller wouldn't make the changes that arose in the inspection - but I feel like I have a ton more knowledge now and can make an educated decision on the next house. Hopefully there will BE a next house, since I told my landlord I'm officially moving out and being homeless with the amount of clothes I own would be tricky.

Friday, March 20, 2015

There's no crying in baseball. But there IS bruising.

Played softball last night for my company team. I am technically on the team, but I never go because the games are in Plano at night and well, I'm lazy. But last night they didn't have enough girls and were going to have to forfeit, so I sucked it up and headed back out to Plano at 9pm. I made the mistake of actually being good - two base hits that I clocked into the outfield - and now they want me to come back every week. Not sure that will be happening, but I did manage to get a heinous bruise/softball-sized lump from playing catcher when the ball bounced off the plate and smacked into my ankle. So at least I can walk hobble away with pride.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Descent into madness

Every year, right before March Madness, at least one guy I know gets in touch to ask my advice on filling out his NCAA bracket. I guess having gone to a "basketball school," they assume I know what I'm talking about, but truth be told, I don't. I have never won a bracket pool (although I may technically have the first time I filled it out, but failed to put in the tiebreaker score for the final game and therefore lost out). I have learned better than to put UNC winning the whole thing every year, but this year I randomly decided "what the hell" and put them in my final four (!). So please, guys - don't take my advice. I'm a homer with a hatred for Duke and Kansas, and I let my hate make my picks. So be it.

#marchmadness #gottaloveit

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Step 2. (there's so much we can do) - again, NKOTB shout-out

Offer on the house approved? Check.
Home inspection? Check.
A bazillion steps in this process? Check.
Learning words that I never thought I would need to know, about both the home buying process and home maintenance/repair? Check.
Applied for a Home Depot credit card? You bet your ass, check.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Hate is such a strong word. And yet...

Can we talk about the greatness that is the 30 for 30 documentary "I Hate Christian Laettner?" My favorite things:

  • All the great interviewees, some of whom still kind of hate Laettner
  • The fact that Coach K's hair has remained exactly the same since the 80s
  • Christian Laetter being interviewed wearing a "Christian Laettner" t-shirt
  • The amazing photo of Grant Hill and his father from the 80s, wearing Cosby sweaters
  • The voiceover narration by Rob Lowe (also executive producer)
  • Learning that Laettner called Bobby Hurley "Bart" because he looked like a Simpson (#truth)
All that said, I still hate Christian Laettner. Maybe even more now. And he probably likes it that way.

Monday, March 16, 2015

Blinded by love. Literally.

Got sucked in to a "Married at First Sight" marathon yesterday. The name says it all: couples get married, sight unseen, to a mate they have been matched with by professionals. Then they go on a honeymoon and move in together for a five-week "experiment," at the end of which they decide to stay married or get divorced. It was exactly the trainwreck  it sounds like, which is why I watched for like six hours. Not proud of it, but there it is.

Friday, March 13, 2015

Step 1. We can have lots of fun. (shout out, NKOTB)

So I did it - I put an offer on a home. It's insane to me how fast this process goes. The biggest thing I'll ever buy, and I have to make a decision within a few hours. Here's hoping I get it. And then don't get buyer's remorse...

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Play that funky music, white girl

Sweet Child o' Mine was on the radio last night, and it got me thinking about the best guitar riffs ever. 

My (somewhat sheltered and probably very limited) list:

  • Sweet Child o' Mine - Guns N Roses
  • Around the Bend - CCR
  • Let's Hang On - Four Seasons
  • You Shook Me All Night Long - AC/DC
  • Anything by Jimi Hendrix (but I prefer the Star Spangled Banner)
  • Beat It - Michael Jackson/Eddie Van Halen
  • (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction - Rolling Stones
  • Black or White - Michael Jackson/Slash

What am I missing? This could be one helluva mega-mix. Just saying.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Making me rethink what shows I'm actually watching.

Kind of makes it hard to concentrate on what anyone is saying on a reality TV show when THIS is in the shot:

Seriously. Who wears a Fart hat. Not to mention it was a girl. #bettheydontdothisondowntonabbey

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Bachelor recap: Holy cow, we have a winner. And the show jumps the shark.

Three hours of Bachelor-related programming last night. Lucky for you, I will provide a brief synopsis so you can get back to your normal lives.

It's time for Chris to make his final decision - Becca or Whitney? Prepare for lots of plaid and puffy vests (on men AND women), folks - because we're back in Iowa! Whitney has the first date, and comes over to meet the Soules clan. Where she does most of the talking. Seriously - her toast was like a soliloquy. (In fact, I found that much of the episode involved Whitney talking, but maybe that's just me.) She even teared up a bit and had to cut herself off. Sheesh. We get it. You're in love and want to call his parents "mom" and "dad." But overconfidence can be unattractive. While Whitney is off sweet-talking his sisters, explaining how ready she is to move to Arlington and have babies, Chris tells his parents how much he likes...Becca. I found this odd - shouldn't he be thinking about the woman in the next room? Whitney wins over his family, but not sure she has won over Prince Farming.

Brother-in-law Jason is the voice of reason (in plaid and a puffy vest, of course), and explains that Becca seems like the girl guys want, since she's more close-to-the-(puffy)vest, while Whitney is the girl guys need, since she's more open about her feelings. Oh, Jason. So wise.

Becca arrives with big shoes to follow, and although she starts out fairly strong, starts to lose ground when she tells his sisters she's not ready to move to Iowa and she's not sure she's in love. The Soules clan feels she is a risky pick, but Chris still wants to see if he can win her over. Later on in their hotel, he interrogates her: why don't you love me? what steps do you need to take to get there? All she can do is shrug and say "I don't know" over and over again. Not a great sign, bud.

Chris perks up for a tractor date with Whitney, who gets more excited about being on the farm than anyone ever has in the history of time. Chris' adorable dad joins in the fun, and when she gets to head over to Casa de Soules, she admits she feels completely secure in their relationship.

It's game day, and the ladies don the first long-sleeved long gowns in the history of the show to head to an adorably decorated (and surprisingly romantic) barn, where Chris will either dump them or propose to them with a lovely Neil Lane ring. (I couldn't help picturing Neil Lane going "you guys want me to fly WHERE?!") Chris tells Becca that she's not really ready and he isn't the guy to take her virginity give her what she needs. Becca doesn't even bat an eye or cry a tear. In fact, Chris looks so much more upset than she does, it seemed like she was the one who did the dumping. And in the exit limo, she was completely calm and collected - perhaps a little relieved? (As Jimmy Kimmel later put it, she just wasn't that into him. #sotrue)

And now it's Whitney's turn. She of course does most of the talking - do you want to get engaged or not, woman? Shut it! - and after a few "holy cows" and typical Chris Soules mumbles, he gets down on one knee and she says yes. They have a cute makeout sesh sitting on top of the barn, when Chris' parents arrive and are equally thrilled about their new "daughter." Aw.

At the After the Rose/extra hour of nonsense, Becca again feels nothing and Whitney almost bares her ass. She and Chris can finally be out in the open and show it by smooching a lot. She oddly admits that she hasn't watched one episode of the show, so we wonder how much denial she's really in, and I also wonder if she has packed up and moved to Arlington yet (soon to be population of 401!). Chris Harrison once again asks Ashley S to be on Bachelor in Paradise, and she sort of agrees this time. Maybe Chris H likes Ashley S. He IS single after all...#nextseason #noseriously

But the weirdest part of the evening came at the very end, with the announcement of not one, but TWO bachelorettes! That's right folks - both Britt and Kaitlyn are the lucky ladies, and the 25 guys will get to decide on night one which girl they prefer. (Clearly it will be Britt, but whatever. Good luck with the suspense, ABC.) Kaitlyn admits that this scenario isn't ideal (ya think?!), but what are you going to do. I forgot that they did something similar with Byron's season of the Bachelor over 10 years ago, so maybe it's time to bump up the ratings and try again. #threesome

Monday, March 9, 2015

Putting the "cougar" in John Cougar Mellencamp

Saw Mellencamp this weekend, and he was pretty great. That guy is just Americana personified, you know? Was thrilled he played Jack & Diane, but was a little sad that he didn't play Hurts So Good. So I played it in the car on the way home instead. Opted out of the ladies tee that said "Little Pink Houses," though. Gotta draw the line somewhere.

Friday, March 6, 2015

Here comes the sun (doo do doo do)

It's been so long since I've driven to work with the sun out, I forgot where my sunglasses were. Hello, sun. I've missed you. (But please don't be too rough on us come July and August. Kthanksbye.) Also, thanks for melting the snow penis I saw (and posted a photo of) yesterday.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

And then this happened.

Right across from my apartment. Nice.

Oh, hey March.

Another snow day in Dallas. Apparently the most snow here in a long time (7" in some spots!), which I realize is an embarrassment compared to places up north, but come on. This is Texas. We don't know what to do with the white stuff. Except watch it fall and try not to drive anywhere. I have to admit, I was just as mesmerized by the "snow" falling on my iPhone weather app last night as I was with the actual snow falling. (But that was pretty cool too.) Here's to another day of binge-watching TV and "working from home."

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Milli Vanilli would be proud. (Well, the surviving member would anyway)

We're having a lip sync battle at work tomorrow (it was actually supposed to be last week but we had to reschedule due to Texas' inability to cope with a half inch of ice). I feel like we are really on the cusp here, what with the huge success of Jimmy Fallon's lip sync battles (Paul Rudd! Emma Stone! Will Ferrell!) and the fact that Lip Sync Battle is actually a TV show coming soon and hosted by LL Cool J!

I have gone back and forth on what songs to perform, and have decided on Hangin' Tough by the New Kids on the Block, and We Didn't Start the Fire by Billy Joel. The former because it's awesome and the latter because I'm hoping it will impress the judges that I know all the words. It's possible I may have found my calling. #toosoon?

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Bachelor recap: The Women Tell All. Crazy is as crazy does.

Ah, the infamous Women Tell All episode. What we learned, in a nutshell:

Make sure and get super drunk when throwing a Bachelor-watching party, because you never know when Chris and Chris will surprise you and show up. (Hint: drinking games help, particularly if you drink every time Soules makes out with someone and you can then blame your drunkenness on him.) Bonus points if you run up and smooch the Bachelor.

Wear waterproof mascara when you're one of the cast-outs looking for redemption/apologies/America's sympathy. I'm talking to you, Britt/Carly/Jade. (Surprising to all, Ashley I didn't cry. For maybe the first time ever.)

Britt was the first called to the hot seat, and looked stunning as always in a little gold dress and her signature red lip. She went for the jugular right away, calling out Carly for not being her friend. Newsflash: this show is not the Golden Girls. It's not sho friends, it's sho business. And honestly, although Britt looked super apologetic and said she was in love with Chris and felt she would still be there if not for Carly's back-stabbing, I couldn't help but feel like the whole thing was an audition to be the next Bachelorette and was nothing but an act. (See her reaction to going in a hot air balloon versus actually being in a hot air balloon on the show. Girl can act.) She decided Carly was just jealous - how very mean girls. Carly defended herself to the teeth, but still came across as kind of the villain in this scenario. Whether well-deserved or not.

Up next, Kelsey. Still lobbing the big words (amassed! misrepresented!), she is calm and collected as a robot, although does let a few tears slip (and snags Chris Harrison's pocket square, which I hope she puts up for sale on ebay). She apologizes to the girls, but they aren't having it. Juelia, the fellow widow, calls Kelsey out for being the most calculated person she's ever known, and accuses Kelsey of using her "amazing story" to win a pity rose. Ouch. Kelsey then has to explain what she meant by "amazing story," and claims to be ready for love once again. Look out, people.

Ashley S brings Chris Harrison an onion on stage - his best (and only) gift ever. Aw. (and ew) And god bless her, she remains as looney tunes as ever. A few empty stares, a complete dismissal of Chris asking her to be on Bachelor in Paradise (please god), and ended with "it's so weird that we're on TV." Mmmm-kay. Stay crazy, Ash.

Jade is up next, and is clearly still upset by the way she was let go. Can't really say I blame her - Chris (or more accurately his ghost writer) wrote in a People Magazine blog that he found it disturbing how she seemed so quiet and shy and her family said she was a "wild mustang." And he said he felt very awkward looking at her Playboy pictures/videos. Um, no shit sherlock. It IS awkward. Jade looks forward to addressing these concerns with him later on. Good luck sir.

Finally, it's Kaitlyn's turn, and she's rocking the crop top/pencil skirt like nobody's business. She says she still thinks about getting kicked off in Bali every single day, and wants an explanation, dammit. She opened up to him, he opened up to her (probably sexually, who are we kidding), and then he dumped her. Men. Am I right ladies??

Chris Soules takes the hot seat, and he looks sweaty so I guess the seat really WAS hot. Britt hops up on stage with him to give him an uncomfortably long hug, and once again blames Carly for everything bad that has happened. Chris finally speaks some sense, saying he would never end a relationship based on something he heard from someone else, so there were other things that bothered him (perhaps her lack of showering, which sadly wasn't discussed last night). Kaitlyn tries to get closure and asks why he made her sit through a rose ceremony just to get dumped. As usual, Chris has little to say for himself (so boring. seriously.) and we move on to Jade, who also rushes the stage to confront Chris about her dumping. He continues to sweat and decides the wrong words were used in the blog, but that's about it. Thanks, man.

The bloopers aren't that funny, except the montage of Chris laughing like a dolphin. It is seriously the most annoying laugh ever. And the unfortunate shot of a girl (Kaitlyn?) photobombing Chris' interview only to hear him say "You just walked through my fart." Your Prince Farming, ladies and gentlemen!

We end with Chris Harrison plugging his book and I wonder if that was the whole point of the show. Personally I would rather get through the lull between the Bachelor and the Bachelorette with Bachelor Pad, but that's just me.

Monday, March 2, 2015

Phone home. Emphasis on the HOME

Officially starting the process of buying a house, and it is incredibly overwhelming. So many fees and additional steps - how do people do it?? But it's exciting, and if all goes well I could be a homeowner (eeeeek!) by May. Of course, I won't have any furniture in said home, but I guess I have the rest of my life to take care of that. Ramen forever!