Thursday, December 31, 2015

May the Force be with you

Finally saw StarWars. Not being a diehard fan, I didn't feel the need to see it right away - in fact, wasn't going to be super upset if I didn't see it at all. I of course saw the original three movies back in the day (but it's probably been 25 years since I've seen them), and I saw the first prequel with Jar-Jar Binks,which turned me off from seeing any additional films. But I have to say - this one was AWESOME. I laughed, I cried (okay, not really) - and I'm looking forward to seeing the next one.

And I really, really want my very own BB-8. We are giving one away at our company holiday party raffle next weekend, and I'm putting all my raffle tickets in that bag. #fingerscrossed #bringonthegeeks

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Holy crap. Emphasis on the "holy."

Sooooo. That Christmas Eve date didn't go so well. It didn't go at all, actually. I thought he would be picking me up and we would go to church together. Instead, he wanted to meet there, 15 minutes before the service was to start. Now, I don't go to church anymore, but I know enough to know that on Christmas and Easter, you get there early. Regardless, I agreed. When I was five minutes away,he texted that he was running 15 minutes late (which would put him arriving at the time the service started). Not being a member of the church (or Catholic, for that matter), I decided to stay in the car until he arrived. I waited. And waited. The parking lot filled up. The service started. After 30 minutes, I gave up. I texted to let him know that the service had started, there would not be anywhere to sit, and - oh yeah!- I was leaving. He responded that he was 3 minutes away, but I had already left. He later texted that he had to work late, but he chose the time of the service, so I really don't feel bad for him at all. Wonder if it counts as going to church on Christmas if I just sat in the parking lot? I'm going to assume that it does.

Thursday, December 24, 2015

It's a Christmas miracle.

You guys. I just sewed on a button. And so far, it's still there.
Plus the fact that I'm actually going to Christmas Eve service at church this year...

Merry merry!! xoxo

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Set your DVRs

So I'm already watching the trainwreck that is Married at First Sight, where the people see each other for the first time at the altar, and now there's Married by Mom and Dad, where parents pick out the future spouse for their child. There's also a show called Arranged, about arranged marriages, but I tried watching one episode and the bride was like 18 and I couldn't handle it. (And yes, I realize I have way too much free time to be watching any of the above, but whatever.)

What's next - a show based on Screw-Marry-Kill? Sadly, I wouldn't put it past producers.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Funny, she doesn't look Druish

OMG!! Mel Brooks confirmed that a sequel to Spaceballs is a possibility! And of course it would be called "Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money" as mentioned in the first movie. Which I love. He also added that he wouldn't make the movie without Rick Moranis as Dark Helmet. Thank you, god. And may the Scwartz be with you.

Monday, December 21, 2015

Check please

Another amazing yet true interaction:

Got an email from a guy over the weekend that said "I noticed you looked at my profile but didn't respond, so I will be the alpha male and take charge. What questions or concerns do you have for me?"

I looked at his profile, and had never seen it before, so not sure where this was coming from. But he seemed normal (key word being "seemed"), so I took the bait and responded, asking where he was from. And this was the response that I got back:

"At times my analytical mind interferes with routine questions like 'Where are you from originally?'. As a result a simple question gets to be a long answer because I want to be honest and complete. 1. I was born in Ohio. 2. From ages 2-4 lived in Corning, NY. Yes, the place that make Corning cooking ware. 3. We moved to Minnesota so my father could help my injured Grandfather on his Dairy farm. I lived in Minnesota from age 5 to 18. 4. I went to undergrad in Wisconsin. 5. I lived in Missouri from 1997 until 2013. 6. The last two years have been here in Texas. Thus, I am from Ohio. However, I think of myself as a Minnesotan but I have spent the most number of years in the state of Missouri."


Good grief, man. #blessyourheart

At least he works out, I guess

Another unfortunate and possibly ill-advised Tinder profile picture:

This is his main profile picture. And I just ask why. A selfie in the gym mirror is bad enough, but a selfie on an elliptical that is super far away from the mirror? Apologies if anyone knows this guy, but I think it's so hard to see him you wouldn't recognize him anyway. Guys. Ask a friend to snap a pic. Or at least show them this pic and ask their thoughts on using it to meet women.

#rantover #swipeleft

Friday, December 18, 2015

A blast from Xmas past.

I watched this series on the History Channel this week about Christmas through the years - 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s. I of course enjoyed the 70s and 80s episodes the most, since those were my formative Christmases, with the following memorable highlights:

  • Sesame Street Christmas
  • Cabbage Patch Kids
  • Nintendo/Atari
  • Christmas Vacation/A Christmas Story
  • Sears catalog
  • Easy Bake Oven
  • Walkman
Seems like toys/toy commercials were so much more popular in the 80s - I guess because we didn't all have computers. Although I distinctly remember getting a Gameboy for Christmas, and that was awesome. (Especially since I never got a Nintendo. Humph.)

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Don't poke the bear

Ah, Facebook. A place for humble-brags, baby photos, viral videos and, during election (or in this case NON election) years, political views. I try to stay out of it, I really do - feel like politics and religion have no place on social media. But every once in a while, someone posts something that just eats away at me until I finally have to say something. Once, I did and the OP (original poster, for you mom) got all mad and it became the dreaded debate that I was so hoping to avoid. And I just did it again. I get nervous while typing, but feel so empowered after hitting "send." And I'm sure this will launch another heated argument. But truthfully, if you're allowed to spew hate, I'm allowed to contradict you. #godblesstheusa #dontaskwhoimvotingfor #trustme

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Would you like to start with some fried cheese or chips and queso?

We have our HR team holiday party today, and we're all supposed to wear these navy polo shirts that we had made. It's weird to see everyone in the same clothes - I feel like I'm back at Chili's. And not in a good way. But bring on the team photo.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Something in the water - and I'm thirsty, dammit!

Four people I know got engaged over the weekend. FOUR. At least we know the guys have been paying attention - a Christmas engagement doesn't count as the present, boys. A few weeks early is preferable. Although hell - I'd take a Dec. 25. Or 24. Or 26...

Monday, December 14, 2015

Alright, alright, alright

Why am I just now hearing about the Dazed and Confused sequel?? Set in the 80s, called "Everybody Wants Some" and directed by Richard Linklater?? I mean it certainly won't be as good as the first, but hell yes I'll go see it...#fataffleckcameoplease

Friday, December 11, 2015

A thing that makes me go hmmm

When I put on a button-down shirt, I button from the bottom to the top. So why aren't they called "button-up" shirts?


Thursday, December 10, 2015


I relate to this more than I probably should.

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

The UN of holiday songs

While in Austria, I was inspired to learn a tiny bit of German - so I can proudly say that now I know Silent Night in German (Stille Nacht). Add this to Adeste Fideles and Feliz Navidad, and I am a veritable encyclopedia of international carols. (Mind you, I only know the first verses, but that counts, right?)

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Learning something new every day. Literally.

Life lesson #47857: always mow the lawn BEFORE raking the leaves. I learned this the hard way over the weekend, when I reversed the order and my two hours of raking leaves became virtually imperceptible. Stupid mower blew leaves all over the yard again. But I guess it was fewer leaves? Whatever.

Monday, December 7, 2015

25,000 imported Italian twinkle lights. Per house.

I will try to back up this statement with photographic evidence this week, but let me state for the record: my neighborhood is putting up Christmas lights. And I no longer need to be concerned that my Griswold tree outside is an eye sore. In fact, people probably wouldn't even notice it at all if my lights weren't the only ones that stayed on all night. (Seriously - why are people turning them off at 10pm? Is this a new burglar-repellent tactic I'm not aware of? Just electricity-conscious neighbors? Guess it's all fun and games until I get my electric bill.

But seriously y'all. These lights are bad. I am very curious to see who wins lawn of the month for December. Because surely Christmas lights will be involved. Stay tuned.

Friday, December 4, 2015


Is it weird to get invited to someone's office holiday party when you aren't dating them? I mean, obviously I said yes, but still. Odd.

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Still gobbling

As I mentioned, I successfully cooked several Thanksgiving dishes: a sweet potato/apple casserole, cornbread dressing, a cranberry cake and of course the turkey. But it was not without typical Sarah mishaps: apparently I bought a turkey breast, instead of a whole turkey. (All white meat!) I ask you: how in the hell was I supposed to know? It was in the frozen section, it was a turkey...

Actually, it turned out perfectly - we don't eat the dark meat anyway. Just means I have a crapload of leftover turkey. #lessonlearned #sortof

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Love or basketball. Clearly not both.

Chatting with a guy online on Monday, and he seemed nice and normal. Then all of a sudden I guess he revisited my profile page and said "You're a Tar Heel? Oh nooooooo." I knew where this was going. "Duke fan?" I wrote back. "Oh noooooo." Luckily he didn't actually go there, but has family that did and is clearly not afraid to throw out a "Go Duke!" Sigh. Of all the guys enrolled in online dating websites, the Dook fan has to email me. #thestruggleisreal

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Celeb news: the good, the bad and the ugly

The good:

How amazing does Amy Schumer look in the Pirelli calendar?? LOVE. #yougogirl

The bad:

Kylie Jenner's "Lip Kit" sold out in 30 seconds yesterday. People do realize that you can't get lips like hers with makeup, right? It's fillers, obviously. Which is way more than $29...

The ugly:

Mary-Kate Olsen married Olivier Sarkozy over the weekend, and the decor included cigarettes. Bowls and bowls of cigarettes. I get that he's French, but Jesus.