Wednesday, November 27, 2013

I mean, it's no Hah-vahd

Met a couple of guys out, and we started talking about colleges. One guy went to Duke (the horror!) and his buddy said he went to Yale. And the conversation just stopped. I don't know what to say to that - congratulations? On being rich and smart? So he picked up his cigar and walked away. Maybe I'm still bitter because I got rejected from Yale. Elitist bastards. (I kid, I kid.)

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

This wouldn't have happened to Pigpen

I love A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. Especially the fact that they eat toast, popcorn, pretzels and jelly beans for Thanksgiving dinner - sounds like something you could find on my table. But I do have a slight issue with this:

Why is poor Franklin sitting all by himself? Is the Peanuts gang racist?? There are four people (well, three and a dog) across from him - Peppermint Patty couldn't have taken one for the team and moved?  She could still sit by Marcy...

Team Franklin.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Burnt umber Monday?

Happy Thanksgiving week! My beef - er, turkey - of the day: so many stores are opening on Thursday evening these days, it shouldn't even be called Black Friday anymore. Should we start going with Black Thursday? I used to love going to the mall on Black Friday, but now avoid it like the Black Plague. This Black Friday I'll be laying low, maybe see a movie, but refusing to buy anything. Until Cyber Monday, that is.

Friday, November 22, 2013

My dog might be a nudist

...All of a sudden, she refuses to wear sweaters. She literally bounces around the apartment, so excited to go out, and when I shove on her sweater, she does this:

Just stands perfectly still and stares at me. I had to pick her up and carry her onto the elevator this morning. So I'm thinking either she's a fashionista and knows how hideous these sweaters are (this particular one was a gift from the dog-walker), or else she prefers au naturel. But I'm sorry - it's 30-something degrees outside! Weirdo.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Thumbs the word

I'm a (not very) simple girl with (not very) simple pleasures. And if all my shirts and sweaters had this feature, I would be simply giddy:

I love a good thumb-hole. (That's what she said?) Keeps the sleeves down and looks damn good in my humble opinion. I would go around punching holes in all my shirts if I didn't think they would unravel and rip...

Thumbs up on the thumb-hole.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Whoa, mama (literally)

This is what new mom Kim Kardashian wore yesterday:

Good lord, woman. Put those things away. I beg you. (although I'm sure your baby is SUPER happy.)

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Sirious panic attack

Lately when I turn to one certain radio station in my car, the screen says FUEL HEMMORHAGE. Now upon first seeing this, I thought my car was trying to tell me something - like I had a gas leak. But it turns out it's a song. By Fuel. Weirdly this was two days ago and it still says FUEL HEMMORHAGE, so fingers crossed I don't stall out on the highway this afternoon.

Friday, November 15, 2013

Not sure what is sadder.

The fact that I went to Walmart this week and bought a flask, or the fact that I had to explain to three different Walmart employees what a flask was.

Thursday, November 14, 2013


It's begun - all holidays, all the time. There are two Sirius stations that are playing all holiday music, and the Hallmark channel has gone 100% holiday movies. I've tried to watch a handful of them, and make it about 20 minutes in until I have to change the channel. Not sure if it's the sappiness or the B list (C list?) actors, but it's too much. And this coming from a person who may have already put up her Christmas tree.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Damn you, 1970s

Most kids learn songs like "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" or "Ring Around the Rosey" as toddlers. I did, too - but my dad's tennis buddies also taught me a little ditty that was very popular in the late 1970s: "Macho Man." By none other than The Village People. They would get me to sing it (at least the chorus), and still to this day ask my dad about it. Great. Although I guess it's better than YMCA?

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Holy blonde moment

I've been seeing adds for this Nomorerack deal on Facebook and on TV - and I gotta be honest, until Sunday I seriously thought it was "nomo rerack." Which clearly doesn't mean anything or make any sense, but that didn't seem to bother me. And then I actually looked at the logo and realized it's "No More Rack." Ohhhhhh. Personally I like "nomo" better.

Friday, November 8, 2013

The dreaded plus one

Got "and guested" to a wedding in January. As a single person, it's an honor to get the plus one. And that honor is quickly replaced by stress when you realize you have no one to take as your guest. Damn you,  RSVP.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Humble brag. Or just brag.

Big week - I won a $1000 award at work, plus a $50 gift card, plus a $25 gift card. And my shirt today says "FAMOUS." Too much? Probably.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Most annoying sound in the world?

The voice of the announcer on TMZ. Seriously. The WORST.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

There should be a Hallmark card

...for that magical time when what you thought might be skin cancer turns out to be a dry patch. I envision something like:

"Cancer-free, lots of emotion - next time, apply some lotion."

Thanks - I'll be here all week!

Monday, November 4, 2013

Possibly my favorite blog post ever

Just wanted to share one of the Tinder matches I received  last night...might be my favorite online dating profile picture of all time.

Because nothing says "I'm single" like a guy touching a pregnant girl's stomach.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Just bein Miley

Miley Cyrus bugs the crap out of me. Always has, in fact. But I kind of have to give it to her - her Halloween costume was fairly amazeballs. I would/could never pull it off, but...

And considering how terrible Lil Kim looks now, I'm sure she thinks this was pretty rockin', too. Such a (train)wrecking ball.