Bachelor in Paradise recap: Grace under fire

At this point, you would think they were done bringing in new people to Paradise - it's the last week, after all. But noooo - in walks Tiara, the "chicken enthusiast." (At first I heard "Tierra" and was hoping for THAT trainwreck, but apparently she's engaged or something. Dang.) With protein enthusiast Chad being long gone, Tiara is pretty much SOL. Nick convinces her to give him her date card - he and Jen need to figure out where they're at. (Well, mostly Nick needs to - Jen knows she is falling for him but wants him to come clean about his feelings.)


They see a fortune teller, who turns over a card that eerily resembles Nick  - and has one foot in and one foot out. Nick admits he has walls up - this is not his first (or second) rodeo - but he does see a future with her. (NOTE: clearly not a long future, as he is the new Bachelor.)


Brett (lamp guy)  decides he has a better connection with Lauren H than Izzy, and tells her he won't be giving her his rose. Izzy decides to try again with Vinny, who she rejected when Brett arrived, but thankfully Vinny (who has to ask who is calling - ouch) doesn't want to be the rebound guy and is not "Vin it to win it." Izzy then pukes out of the exit SUV window. Ah, young love.


Also dealing with feelings of vomit is Wells, who is in a love quadrangle with Shushanna, Ashley I and Jami. He's comfortable with Jami, a bit afraid of Ashley and her potential to have an emotional breakdown, and doesn't know Shu that well although he tells her he'd like to get to know her better. The Russian isn't having this - Shu waits for no man! - and gives him a "nyet" as she marches to the exit SUV.


At the rose ceremony, the "steady" couples remain:
Grant and Lace (Grace)
Amanda and Josh
Evan and Carly
Nick and Jen


Brett decides not to give out a rose after all - sorry Lauren! And in a bold move, Wells decides to give his rose to Ashley I. Sorry Jami!


The next day, Chris Harrison meets with the 5 couples left, reminding them how "everything changes" and they need to be ready to commit in the real world or get the eff out of Paradise. Carly is a bundle of nerves, since this was the exact moment a year ago when Kirk dumped her, but she is fairly confident Evan wouldn't do that to her. (And if he does, she's going to cut off his balls. So there's that.) And the guys start teasing Wells about taking Ashley's v-card. She is ready for all things fantasy suite (and even hopes to get engaged - to a guy she's been on ONE DATE with!) All of this freaks Wells out too much, and he bails. Leaving Ashley to do what she does best - cry.


And then there were four (couples). Each embark on their final dates, complete with fantasy suites, and prepare to maybe get engaged. Grant and Lace get "Grace" tattoos, and she is the most annoying, whiny person EVER. She calms down a bit when hearing that the tattoo artist and his wife got engaged after 12 days, which is about as long as she and Grant have known each other. She finally tells him she loves him, and neither one regrets getting that tat. Yet.


Nick and Jen try paddle boarding, and are both fairly terrible (shout-out to the dog on the board, who looks terrified but manages to keep it together better than either of these two). Nick says he is willing to try a long-distance relationship (he is in California; she in in Florida); Jen doesn't see this as the declaration of love she was hoping for. (Foreshadowing, methinks)


Evan and Carly are weird, and of course their date is weird too. A large woman invites them to strip down to their skivvies (although she herself takes off her top altogether) and slather each other with paint and paint something with their bodies. Kinky, but then again the guy handles erectile dysfunction for a living. Evan admits to being in love with her, and she feels the same. She is NOT getting "Kirked" again, dammit!


Amanda and Josh find some kids playing soccer and join in the game. Amanda likes seeing him with kids - she has two (how quickly we forget), and wants to make sure she doesn't get "Benned" and introduce a man to her daughters just to get dumped. Josh keeps moaning when kissing her, and it seriously makes me ill. I can't even watch this anymore. Just one...more...episode...