Hola, Barcelona! Seeing them all in Spain made me want to go back. Probably not with any of THESE idiots, but still. The first one-on-one date goes to Drew, who is clearly gay. And proves this by going in for no less than seven kisses on their date. Oh, Drew. So sweet, but so gay. He of course divulges his sob story (what IS it with these guys?!): his dad was an alcoholic, but got sober and then got cancer. (NOTE: this IS a sad story; I'm just kind of over it.) Over dinner (and after another smooch in a dark alley), Drew tells Des that he overheard thick-neck James say he just wanted to make the top 4 so he could be the next Bachelor. In what may be the worst bleep-out of all time, Des calls him a "f@&%ing a**hole."
And gives Drew the rose.
The soccer-themed group date is next, and it's all Juan Pablo, all the time. The guys face off against the Spanish women's team, who proceed to kick their butts 10-2 (James=horrible guy and horrible goalie, apparently.). Afterwards, #Kasey reiterates the James conversation to Des, and then confronts James about it. The thick-neck seems to expand as James tries to come up with a logical explanation. And can't. He doesn't see anything wrong with thinking about being the Bachelor, while all the guys try to explain that if he wants to be with Des, he shouldn't be thinking about other scenarios. Sheesh. Meanwhile, upstairs, Des gives Chris a bunch of compliments ("you're soooo athletic!") and proceeds to read him a poem she wrote about him. Cringing. Cue the makeout sesh. Another one follows with Brooks. She finally tears her lips away long enough to send all the guys (except for James) home without a rose, and confronts James about "the convo on the bus." So much dramatic music! He starts to cry, saying she's a "beautiful person" (ew) and that his comments were basically taken out of context and most of them came from Mikey (conveniently not there to defend himself) anyway. Des also starts to cry, and I realize she's going to keep him around. Pathetic.
Finally, naked Zak gets the last one-on-one date. And it's...an art class! After unsuccessfully trying to sketch each other (what WAS that he drew?!), they of course have to sketch a nude (male) model. I knew this was coming, but Zak's expression when the dude dropped his robe was so priceless, I laughed out loud. He brushed off the awkward and proceeded to re-emerge in a robe of his own and started modeling for her (in tighty whities, thank god). Kind of hilarious. Over dinner, they finally kissed, he professed his love for her (on camera, not to her - also thank god), and got the rose.
Before the rose ceremony, there's yet another confrontation of dudes versus James. Who once again stands behind what he said. Oh, thick-neck. As predicted, he does NOT get a rose. Also going home? #Kasey and, bestill my heart, Juan Pablo. When JP talked to the camera and said, "I just want to get married. I just want to have children. I just want a mother for my daughter." it's possible I yelled out "me! me! me!" each time. Just saying.
So all the evil guys (Ben, James) are gone. Finally. Now if we can just do something about the seemingly gay ones. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)
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