Bachelorette recap: The Men Tell All. Also, marry me Juan Pablo.

It's Men Tell All time! For some reason I prefer the Men Tell All to the Women Tell All, but that's just me. We begin with Chris Harrison, Des and other Bachelor alums crashing watching parties. I'm sorry - who watches this show with 50 of their closest friends?? Well, starting next season, I do - in the hopes of getting on TV.

Des debriefs former Bachelorettes about the "bad boys" of her season (seriously - do these former contestants have nothing better to do?!), and then it's finally time for the men.

We really don't learn all that much, except that I like hashtagging:

#Kasey makes some valid points about thick-neck James and Mikey. #hashtag

Jonathan (who tried to lure Des into the fantasy suite and got the boot night one) is sincerely sorry and kind of precious. #hickoryncinthehouse!

Ben has a rough time - who the hell is Dan and why is he in the mix all of a sudden with Ben's baby mama?? I still think this guy is douchey, but I do feel a little bad for him. #stillnotgoingtothetrophyroom

I do NOT feel bad for James, who even when confronted by Des fails to see what was wrong with having a "plan B." If he and Mikey are the typical Chicago dudes, I think I'll pass on moving there anytime soon. #dialbackthesteroids

Juan Pablo for the next Bachelor. Hell - Juan Pablo for Presidente. Team Juan Pablo. #diosmio

Zak W - back to a delicious shade of orange, and clearly still heartbroken. I had to fast-forward through most of his country song - although his voice ain't bad. #texastwang

The bloopers are rolled, Des bids the boys adieu, and now we wait for her final answer. Anyone else hoping it's no one??