Navy may not be the new black, but it IS the new purple.

Dear guy in the elevator who complimented me on my purple dress and then proceeded to explain how purple means a lot because you went to TCU...that's all well and good, but as I was too nice to tell you, my dress is navy.

#colorblind

Here's hoping navy is the new black

...that moment when you realize the black and white dress you bought for a wedding this weekend might in fact be navy and white. Hopefully it will be so dark no one else will notice...

Steamed. (and pressed.)

On Saturday, I had a blind date. He suggested we go to lunch, he suggested the time, he suggested the place. Perfect. I arrived early (shocking), and after 15 minutes he called, saying something about needing to pick up his dry cleaning but would "stop by." Mmmm-kay...he finally showed up all frazzled (and not cute) saying he was going out of town the next day so had to pick up his dry cleaning and could I hang out at the restaurant for another 15-20 minutes. I said no. I mean what the hell, dude - YOU picked the time. Go get your laundry later.

My complete lack of sympathy or flexibility is why I'm single, I'm sure - but sometimes I think it's better that way!

Way-back Wednesday

God this commercial takes me back. And how come whenever a gust of wind blows my hat off, my hair never stays in place and cute twins never retrieve it for me??

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7hwvWIK1eM

Welcome to the Jungle of motherhood

Fergie and Josh Duhamel just named their baby Axl. After Axl Rose. 

 

 

 

Will Ferrell also has a son named Axel, although it's spelled differently. Which has me thinking about naming my future son after this guy:

Why the hell not. Slash Stockton has a nice ring to it.

Houston, we may have a problem. A denim hoarding problem.

It's not normal to have 42 pairs of jeans, right? I decided to go through my jeans yesterday and toss ones that I don't wear anymore. (Okay, I only wear like three pair, but some of them I MIGHT wear...someday...) I did manage to pitch 7 pairs, but that still leaves over 30. Which can't be good.

But maybe the first step is admitting the problem? Anyone need to borrow some jeans?

It should go without saying...

...that red-headed sluts are bad news. Both the actual women and the shots. Oof.  #gettingtoooldforthisshiz

Tik Tok

As if I wasn't already needing a fast-track wedding due to the old biological clock - now I really, legitimately need to get married in the next two years. Because that's how long Britney Spears is in residency in Vegas. And I can think of no better Bachelorette party than that. #nopressure

Way-back Wednesday

Remember these pencils?

They had like 10 little lead toppers inside, so you would just put the old one in at the bottom and a new one would pop out? Man I was OBSESSED with these circa 1986. I don't know if the old-school ones had erasers, though. Probably because we were so much smarter then, we didn't need erasers. Ha.

Mornin. Mournin. Same diff.

It's great working for a global company - except for the emails you get before you even arrive at the office. Both from late last night (Asia-Pacific) and early this morning (Europe). Upon opening my email this morning, I had 35 emails waiting for me. How do you say "oy vey" in Britain?

Love.

http://www.frequency.com/video/snl-waynes-world-aerosmith-tom-hanks/13371119

"Sibilance, sibilance." Which, btw, I had to look up:

Of, characterized by, or producing a hissing sound like that of (s) or (sh).

 

Good to know.

Kissing cousins?

A familiar face popped up while scrolling through Tinder this weekend - my cousin, George Eads. (Best known for his role as Nick Stokes on CSI.)

However, George is married, does not live within 3 miles of me, and would not be on Tinder in the first place. So I felt obligated to message "Harold" and give him the bad news - his gig was up; I know this guy. Harold responded that George was his celebrity doppelganger. Sure. Always a good way to start a relationship.

XM Radio killed the radio star

Sirius XM might be the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life.  Sad but true. I actually look forward to driving home during rush hour traffic now. Again, sad but true.

Teenage Wasteland

Waking my dog up in the morning is a fairly lengthy process. I let her lounge in bed while I get my workout gear on, brush my teeth, put in my contacts, etc. - and then try to rouse her to go out and pee. But it takes a good 10-15 more minutes of coaxing, belly rubbing, face-licking (mine, not hers), etc. to finally get her on her feet so I can pick her up and get her on the floor (the bed is too high for her to just jump down). It's like waking up a damn teenager. But then again, she just turned two, which is 14 in people years, right? Sounds fairly accurate then.

U-S-A!

That is all.

Boo! Amen.

No offense to the Christians out there, but these are weird.

http://www.orientaltrading.com/christian-pumpkin-bags-a2-13604594.fltr?prodCatId=551313+1237

Maybe it's to counter-balance the "All Hallow's Eve" factor? Still - a little odd to me.

Giddy up, 1991

Flipping the channels last night, I caught Annie Get Your Gun. Which was our 8th grade musical. I have to admit, I watched for a while, and remembered a bunch of the songs. Was a little sad that my one line as Boy #7 didn't make it in ("The weather, oh the weather - you wouldn't BELIEVE the weather!"), but what can you do. The best part? The song "You Can't Get a Man With a Gun," in which Annie sings, "A man may be hot, but he's not when he's shot!" A valid point there, ladies.

What's it gonna take to get you into this car today??

(that's my best used car sales pitch.) And it basically happened on Saturday when I went to the car dealership. They called me while I was in Europe, asking if they could buy my car from me. (Random.) I loved my Jeep - even though it was 7 years old, I wasn't thinking about getting a new car - but I looked at their preowned stock and said I would come in just for the hell of it. (NOTE: Never go to a car dealership "just for the hell of it." It IS hell.)

 I found a 2012 red Mustang that was super cute, but told them up front I wasn't paying a dime more than I pay now. They took my Jeep to get appraised (and kept the key - a classic dealer ploy. YOU CAN'T LEAVE!), and came back with a number that was $150 higher than what I said I wanted to pay, and didn't even include a warranty. I said no, they said they would bring me my keys. Then a bigger man came out with a new number on the piece of paper. Still $100 more. No dice. "We'll bring you your keys." Nope - an even bigger man came out. (Thank goodness this scary giant tactic didn't phase me.) Now they were $7 over my number, but I started to panic and said I needed to go home and think about it. This is the first time I have bought a car by myself, and felt like I needed to talk to parents and friends to see if I was looney for wanting to do this. "We'll bring you your keys." Andre the Giant appeared (okay, not really - but this guy was at least 7' tall), with the exact number I asked for. Exhausted, I signed on the dotted line and agreed to buy the car. Dear lord.

The sad part? I felt so proud of myself, like I accomplished something and beat the system. But in reality, they just ended up giving me the number I asked for. No amazing deal, no bells and whistles - a 4-hour nightmarish system that in the end beat me. Whatevs - the car is super cute.

Vicious cycle

I'm back on eHarmony (go ahead - someone slap me in the face. I am begging you.), and it's fairly tragic (per usual). Every "match" comes with a disclaimer - "This person is a great match who just happens to be slightly outside of your settings." Which means NOT what I'm looking for. Which means shorter than me. Or older than 47. Or living more than 30 miles away (which is honestly even too far - I prefer a 10-mile radius, but they won't let you go that low, dangit.). Awesome. Trying to be open-minded here, but I'm not holding my breath for a love connection. But so help me - if I fall for a 5'6" 50-year-old who lives in Memphis, SLAP ME ACROSS THE FACE. For reals this time.

das ist gut.

It was surprising how little English was actually spoken in Switzerland.  And also how little this fact made me panic. However, I did get a little lost wandering around Zurich, so found a newsstand and asked the couple working there if they could point me in the right direction -even used a map to demonstrate. And the lady said in halted English, "speak Italian?" Ummm no. So now not only are people not speaking English, they're not even speaking German. Bueno.

 The second near-tragedy happened also in Zurich at the train station. I was looking for the train back to the airport, but saw nothing helpful. It was not written in English anywhere, and there were not even any pictures of a nice airplane as guidance. Come on people. Give the tourists a fighting chance. Thank god I listened to those Learn German in Your Car CDs - I remembered that "flughafen" was the word for airport, so I said a quick prayer and got on the train. And sure enough - airport. Dear lord. It's all fun and games until I accidentally end up in Poland.

How do you like 'dem apples?

Apparently fans of "Fifty Shades of Grey" are so upset by the movie casting that 7,000 people have signed an online petition to re-cast with Matt Bomer and Alexis Bledel. (Not bad suggestions, but whatever.) Is there no petition to re-cast Ben Affleck as Batman??
(Hey-oh)

Planes (trains and automobiles in future posts)

Flying internationally is so different - they don't charge you for your checked bags, and you don't have to take your shoes off to go through security. The flight from London to Dallas yesterday was redonk - everyone has their own TV with remote and like 85 movies to choose from. I may have watched 5. (Certainly makes a 10-hour flight go by faster!). Plus each seat had a charger (albeit for a European plug), and they provided meals/snacks/drinks like every hour. On the flight from Zurich to London, I finally had some English tea and a piece of Swiss chocolate. Never did get a scone, though - maybe next time.