How low can you bingo

Apparently I'm a pretty decent Bingo caller. I even had some (admittedly lame) Bingo jokes:

• "I-35. Like the highway!"
• "B-12. The vitamin!"

Okay that was all my jokes. When calling out an N number, someone did ask if I said "N" or "M," so I politely had to remind them that it was spelled B-I-N-G-O, not B-I-M-G-O.

Good times had by all, clearly.

Booze clues

I went on the Express website yesterday because it has been YEARS since I've shopped there and I wanted to see what I was missing. Clearly, I was missing a hangover. Here is just a sampling of t-shirts for sale:

Every. Single. One mentions alcohol. Now, I'm no prude - I enjoy a mimosa as much as the next gal. But this seems a bit excessive and offensive. All we're good at is drinking? Hey, girls - here's an idea: put down the bottle and get a job. #generationgap #backtotalbots

A young Keanu and Joaquin? Sign me up!

Watched Parenthood last night. The movie from the 80s, not the recent TV series it was based on. Both were excellent; but man the movie brings back such fond memories (particularly because I can quote most of it by heart). And scenes like this crack me up, mostly because my brother used to run around with a bucket on his head as well:

#theyrenotstolentheyreputaway

Why-ee indeed

I want to go see the Backstreet Boys in Vegas this summer, so I have been listening to them on my iPod recently. (Okay, I don't need an excuse. I just like them, okay??) And I've realized they have their own little dialect happening.

On "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)," they sing "everybah-day-ah" instead of just "everybody"

On "I Want it That Way," it's "tell me why-eee" instead of just "tell me why"

What IS that? Then again, NSYNC had "it's gonna be MAY," so maybe it's a boy band thing. We may never know.

I dig gardening. (See what I did there??)

Y'all. My vegetable garden. Has overtaken my yard. Check it:

What you're looking at are tomatoes, lettuce, peppers, spinach, cucumbers, carrots and snap peas (the giant monstrosity in the middle). Everything except the tomato I planted from seeds, so it's super rewarding (and I realize a sound like a super nerd). Anyone need any veggies? Ain't no way I can eat all of this. #farmersmarketinmydriveway

Car Smell: An Update

In an effort to eliminate the gasoline odor in my car (going on three weeks now; I think I am immune to it which is even scarier), I read white vinegar helps. One bottle of vinegar later, I bet you can guess what my car smells like now. Not sure which is worse, honestly. Next up: coffee beans. STAT.

Single White Female

As I mentioned, my mom is currently living with me. Although it's going well, there are certain things she does that drive me bananas. And when I write them out, I look like I'm insane.

• Flips light switches so they are in the "on" position when the lights are off and vice versa
• Keeps moving the sponge from it's "spot" on the left side of the sink to the right
• Doesn't believe in leaving the front porch light on
• Watering the yard for 45+ minutes

But really, 4 ain't so bad. (I'm sure there are plenty more; these were just top-of-mind.)

Fiery

Went to my first polo match on Saturday out in the middle of nowhere (but hey - great excuse to wear a hat!). Five minutes in, my feet starting burning and I looked down and was covered in fire ants. Which bit no one else, mind you. 6 bites later, I can barely walk because they're between my toes and right where my shoes hit. So flip flops it is this week. Sorry, work peeps.

Easter fail

Went to church on Easter (along with thousands of others - my church even offered shuttles for parking). It was lovely, until leaving and I grabbed an Easter lily off the windowsill of the sanctuary. (We had purchased one in honor of my grandmother and everyone was taking them, so this in itself was not a sin.) What WAS a sin: the fact that the lily I grabbed was tangled with the one next to it, and the second one came tumbling down and almost hit the little old lady behind me. Dirt went everywhere and it was all super embarrassing. I got the hell out of there. (And yes, I realize I shouldn't use hell and church in the same story, but whatev.)

And Bingo was his name-o

We're playing Bingo at work today. For the first time in my life, I get to be a Bingo caller. I may or may not have practicing my best "I-18. N-3." Of course, with it being Good Friday I might be both caller and only player, but at least the prizes are decent. And if my calling skills are also decent, I will next start practicing my best auctioneer calls. Or perhaps square dance calling comes first? I don't want to hurt myself.

Alk-aholic

So I have been going to an acupuncturist. I think it's all hooey, but have heard it can actually be helpful so what the eff. The first day, she had me stick out my tongue and she told me just by looking at it that I was too acidic. I needed to eat more acidic foods to get my body more pH-balanced and alkaline. (Yes, it's confusing that eating a lemon can make you more alkaline, but whatever.) So I've been trying really hard, taking these barley pills, drinking green tea and eating even healthier than I already did - and still testing acidic. So I desperately went on Amazon and bought Alkalife drops that go in your water, and after only a week I'm in the right pH zone. Weird and who KNOWS what I'm putting in my body, but for some reason it makes me feel better that I actually accomplished something. Bring on the lemon squares.

Good morning, Charlie

Just re-watched Charlie's Angels last night - come on. That's good stuff right there. Plus, I now have the Destiny's Child song (Independent Women Part I) stuck in my head. And now you do too.

(Also good stuff? My finally figuring out how to add GIFs to the blog. #soold)

I'll just stick with Cat in the Hat

More musings after spending time with a baby:

If you really think about nursery rhyme/kid song lyrics, it can get weird. For example:

It's raining; it's pouring.

The old man is snoring.

He went to bed and bumped his head,

And didn't wake up the next morning.

So what are we saying here - he died?

Then of course there's

Three blind mice, three blind mice,
See how they run, see how they run,
They all ran after the farmer’s wife,
Who cut off their tails with a carving knife,
Did you ever see such a thing in your life,
As three blind mice?

This is just gross.

And the creepiest:

Ring-a-round the rosie,
A pocket full of posies,
Ashes! Ashes!
We all fall down.

Because what nursery-age child doesn't want to learn about the Bubonic Plague. Truly.

Counting sheep in a totally different way

Drove to Austin on Saturday to go see my adorable nephew, and two things caught my eye while driving down 35: the gorgeous wildflowers, and a pick-up truck carrying like 6 lambs in the back. The bed was open, and the lambs were standing in this big cage. The guy was going like 80, and the poor little guys must have been terrified. (They were probably going to be slaughtered, which only adds to the terror I'm sure.) They were all huddled together in one corner - I wondered if they took turns on who had to stand on the outside and bear the brunt of the wind. I felt so bad for them - I didn't want to drive behind him because I was afraid he would hit a pothole and the cage would pop open and lambs would come flying out onto the highway. If I had a bigger car I would have pulled up next to the guy and offered to buy one. Next time, lambs. Next time.

Blah-g.

You know your blog is completely pointless and frivolous when you see a blog like this:

https://julieyipwilliams.wordpress.com/2017/04/06/paralysis/

I mean, good grief. This woman is amazing.

80s summer to the max

Didn't get to go on the 80s Cruise (this is still super bucket list, btw), so instead I am filling my summer with 80s concerts. Better pop the collar and get out the neon clothes...

• NKOTB/Boys II Men/Paula Abdul
• Foreigner/Cheap Trick
• Tears for Fears/Hall and Oates
• Cutting Crew/Wang Chung/Berlin/Tommy Tutone/Spandau Ballet
• Howard Jones/Men Without Hats/Modern English/Katrina & the Waves

Like, totally guys.

Is there a doggie cardiologist in the house?

Took Charlie to the vet on Saturday for her mid-year shots, and learned that she has a heart murmur. The vet wasn't too worried about it, but said it's common in older dogs. She's only 6!! (Unless the shelter lied to me when I got her and maybe she's like 12.) I just have to watch to make sure there aren't signs of congenital heart failure. She is acting totally normal, but of course I bawled my eyes out and I'm spoiling her even more than I already was. #sorrynotsorry

University of National Champions

So I was right: not going to the Final Four = UNC wins. So happy for them - they needed redemption from last year, and they got it. Having witnessed both, I can safely say winning>losing.

Don't light a match. No, seriously - don't.

I needed to fill my red gas container (I'm sure there's a word for this; I don't know what it is) for my lawnmower, so I took it in the car to the gas station over the weekend. Epic mistake - guess the lid wasn't screwed on tight enough and my crazy driving caused it to topple over and now my car REEKS of gasoline. I left the windows down all weekend, stuck a cup of coffee grounds in there overnight, and NADA. Not sure what else to do aside from selling the car.

(Kidding. Sort of.)