Bachelor recap: The Women (Kiss and) Tell All.

Let's get honest,people. JP is an idiot. And also honest. Because clearly honesty is his best policy, okay? (It's okay.)

Clearly they didn't have enough to fill time, so we open with Sean and Catherine in an awkward recap of their honeymoon and wedding night. I'm fairly bored with these two. Good thing the next couple was Kermit and Miss Piggy, in a promo for the new Muppet movie. I did enjoy evil Kermit making fun of JP's accent. #teamkermie

On to the main event: 23 of the 25 booted ladies are back (plus one dog - shout-out, Molly), and I only recognized half of them. A few of the girls kicked off night one even got to speak, which is fairly unheard of. But I guess when all 23 think JP is a douche, you gotta give them all a chance to talk. Even host Chris Harrison admitted no Women Tell All had ever been like that - with everyone groaning about how JP wasn't in it to find a wife, never got below surface-level conversations, and wasn't "fair" (for having "special ones" aka the single moms) even though he kept wanting to be "fair."

Surprisingly, it was Sharleen and Andi who kind of came to his defense. Both girls who had voluntarily left the show because he wasn't the one for them. I thought they both really came off well, seeming very well-educated (and therefore too smart for JP, hey-oh) and non-psycho like some of the other ladies (I'm looking at you, Dog Lover).

Then it was JP's turn in the hot seat, and I felt a little bad for him because the ladies just went OFF. He could barely get a word in edge-wise. But the fact that he had no regrets and was just being honest and would rather be honest and hated than dishonest just kind of made it worse for him. Poor dumb idiot. Take your shirt off. Dog Lover came in from out of nowhere blasting him for his homophobic remarks, and another chick whose name escapes me said he couldn't use the ESL excuse anymore (thankyoujesus). Dumb as he may be, JP took it all like a man, kept his calm (and his shirt, damnit) and said he would like to explain after the show.

Cue the blooper reel to break the tension. Of course, most of that was him saying "it's okay," which didn't really help his case. I am so over this guy and his pink boxer-briefs. One more week to go. Ay yay yay.

And PS did y'all see that Renee is engaged?? That's the "situation" she was referring to. Atta girl, single mom and your spider lashes.