Bachelorette recap: cue the waterproof mascara

Reality bit on last night's Bachelorette. From eye-opening hometown dates in obscenely short shorts to learning of Eric's tragic passing, it was a longer two hours than normal. But press on we must:

Andi first visits Nick's hometown of Milwaukee. Cheese and beer stereotypes abound - at the brewery, I was totally singing the Laverne & Shirley theme song in my head (shlameel! shlamazel!). Upon meeting Nick's 10 (!) siblings - the youngest of whom literally looks 10 - Andi is a bit overwhelmed. That's a lot of Wisconsin accents slapping you in the face. But everyone sees how much Nick loves her - even though he hasn't actually said it yet - and his mom cries. Always a good sign.

Next up: Arlington, Iowa with farmer Chris. It's pretty much out in the middle of nowheresville (pardon me, Arlington), and Andi starts to panic about how small the small town really is. After riding (and driving) Chris' gigantic tractor (not a euphemism - actually a John Deere), Andi flat-out asks him what job she would be able to find in BFE (excuse me, Arlington). He says, without cracking a smile, "homemaker?" Oof. But just when you think the city mouse is about to ditch the country mouse, a plane flies overhead with a banner that reads "Chris Loves Andi." And we're back in the game, folks. His sisters and parents are adorable farm folk, and his mom tells Andi she's from the city as well, but they both have gumption (no relation to Forrest) and Andi can be happy wherever she is. Phew.

Andi next visits Josh in Tampa. And wears shorts that are basically underwear. Damn, girl. You are were an Asst District Attorney! Whatevs. They play baseball, Andi manages to break a bat (damn, girl again), and Josh begins to weave the tale of sports in his family. He played baseball, his brother Aaron is about to enter the NFL draft and Josh is verrrrrry excited about this. He wants to be his brother's mentor and biggest athletic supporter. (I had to.) Andi starts to fear that this will become the Aaron show and what if she has PLANS on a Sunday and doesn't WANT to watch Aaron play football? Holy first world problems, Batman.  Josh cries seeing his family, and flat-out bawls seeing his dog. Aw. And his family DOES talk about Aaron quite a bit. But athletic mama can see Josh is in love, and his siblings (Aaron included) actually talk some sense into Andi and get her to see the bigger pitcher picture.

Last up, Dallas with Marcus. He drives her around (that's what we DO here), shows her Uptown and then Highland Park Village. He performs a striptease reminiscent of their first date (romantic?!), and they chat about how he's in love with her at 31, where I will be celebrating my birthday on Thursday. (I am such a fame whore, I know - but it had already been planned!) Meeting his mom and siblings helped show Andi how much he cared for her, which may have actually freaked her out in the end because she hadn't quite "caught up."

We then get to go inside Chris Harrison's real-life pad (swanky!), as he breaks the sad news that Eric has died. The guys are visibly shaken, and Andi starts to cry, thinking about her last conversation with him. She feels guilt, as well - hard not to, I guess - and can barely get through the rose ceremony on the next night. But she's here for big love, dammit, so the show must go on. Not going on? Marcus, who does not receive a rose. I'll look for you in Uptown, my man.