Mostly because of this.
But I'll get back to that trainwreck in a minute.
We begin with the first one-on-one date: Brooks. He looks like the guy from Bride Wars to me:
But they are super cute together, trying on wedding dresses and tuxes (why is this a recurring date on this show?!), sitting on the Hollywood sign and dancing to a private concert. Oh, and smooching. And let's not forget his sob story - because apparently every guy on this season has to have one - his parents are divorced and that's hard. Aw. Rose.
Up next: the verrrrry unfortunate and hard to watch group date: filming a rap video with Soulja Boy. Oh, Soulja Boy. I am so embarrassed for you right now. Soulja Boy soul(ja)'d out, y'all. Each guy gets assigned a role - representing the douchebags from prior seasons. D-bags playing d-bags - how ironic. Ben manages to steal lots of time with Des during the shoot, and ends up getting the rose, to everyone's chagrin. Mikey goes so far as to pull him aside and tell him he's not being very nice. Ben lays it on thick, including some sort of compliment about Mikey's shoes, and all is forgotten. (Until the rose ceremony.) After he takes the Speedo off and puts regular clothes back on, Brandon uses his time to spill HIS sob story about an absentee dad and a drug addict mom. Sigh.
The last one-on-one date goes to Iraqi war vet Bryden. (Seriously, guy - that hairdo. Not good.) The road trip leads to a night at Ojai, where Bryden spills HIS sob story - which oddly isn't about Iraq - that he was in a terrible car accident and almost died. And then proceeds to whip out the pictures. Okaaaaay. But Des eats this shiz up - Rose.
Now it's time for the rose ceremony. Three guys have to go, so it's crunch time. Michael feels he needs to give her his (say it with me) sob story: he's a diabetic. Now, no offense to diabetics (my grandfather was one, so I get it) - but with proper care, you can live a long and fruitful life, no? Not exactly a "dun dun DUN" moment...(although clearly it is, because Des gives him a rose in the end.) But Michael gets interrupted by Ben - who already HAS a rose - thereby pissing off all the other dudes in the house. (Sidebar: I just learned that Ben is not really an "entrepreneur" in Dallas - more like a "bartender.") But Ben doesn't care - similar to Tierra last season, he's not there to make friends (and probably can't control his eyebrow) - but confrontations abound. Yay dude drama. I kind of love it.
Will (Smith - ironic, no?), Nick (who I barely remember) and Robert (spinning sign inventor) get the boot. Next week: someone still has a girlfriend, and there are lots of tank tops. So many tank tops. So little time.
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