Bachelor recap: the most awkward silence in the history of awkward silences

We're in Miami trick!

JP is back in his hometown and has the sweaty shirts to prove it. The first one-on-one date goes to Sharleen, who as usual looks like she would rather get a root canal. She is still waffling on the whole idea of JP, doesn't see a future with him, basically can't even have a conversation with him. All they really have in common is swapping spit. Which they do a LOT. She tries to explain herself, he nods and pats her head, then they kiss some more. She even tells him she wishes she was dumber (!) - then things might work out. (Or maybe if he was a tad bit smarter? Anyone?) You can tell her time on the show is drawing nigh.

Up next: a one-on-one with Nikki, who oddly gets to meet JP's family, including his daughter and baby mama. Awkward, much? Considering Nikki didn't get the memo and is wearing daisy dukes. (I did love her floral silk robe thingie and those gladiator sandals, not gonna lie) Camila does an adorable song-and-dance number in her recital and gives Nikki a Cheeto-y smooch. Aw. Clearly she is the front-runner, since no one else got to meet his family. (And don't they usually wait to meet when there are only two left? Weird.)

Before the group date (four girls, one rose!), Sharleen finally puts on her big girl opera panties and tells JP the fat lady has sung. Or does she. I swear - that was the friendliest break-up I have ever seen, and I wasn't completely sure he hadn't convinced her to stick around for a while longer. But then she got into a cab and he cried (which should be a drinking game, btw), so I realized it was finally dunzo. She clearly was embarrassed for him to meet her family, which is semi-awesome.

Group date - not a helicopter this time, but a prop plane brought to you by some company who got a big shout-out but that I can't remember anymore. He spends one-on-one time with everyone (although I don't recall seeing him hang out with Renee?), and gives Andi the rose because she broke down and cried about being insecure and emotional. Things are getting a little predictable with JP, no?

Clare and Nikki get into it back at the hotel - someone give these girls their own show! I was thoroughly entertained by how bitchy they were to each other. Greatness. I half expected Nikki to rip that god-forsaken necklace off Clare's neck. Maybe next week. Then at the rose ceremony, they sit next to each other in complete silence for what felt like an eternity, which was probably a minute. Then Andi joined, and then Renee - still, complete silence. Poor giggly Chelsie tried to get everyone talking about jewelry, but Nikki cut her off with an "I'm just not sentimental." Oooooh.

Chelsie got the boot, and although I found her a bit cartoonish and annoying, she redeemed herself with the walk to the limo. Very mature and cool about getting dumped. (Until she started bawling in the car.) JP cried, again. And Clare, glaring at Nikki, stage-whispered "that was a mistake. Huge mistake." Oh, ladies. This is gonna get good.

Next week, a freaking two-night Bachelor event, where apparently no one's family likes JP and something goes awry in the fantasy suite. Dun dun DUUUUUUUN.