Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Bachelorette recap: Every party needs a Kupah, that's why we invited you - party Kupah! Party Kupah!

It's Kaitlyn's world, and we're just living in it, people. She is SO EXCITED to have beaten out Britt be the bachelorette - let's get this party started! And since these people aren't fun enough on their own, let's throw in some celebrity guest appearances to spice up the group!

First group date, first celebrity guest: Laila Ali. Because they are boxing to the death, duh. Daniel, Justin, Jared, Corey, Tanner, Kupah, Ben H and Ben Z are equally psyched/nervous as hell to play Rocky Balboa to Kaitlyn's Adrian. Jared and Ben Z make it to the finals, where Jared then gets a punch to the back of the head and ends up with a concussion and has to miss most of the evening festivities, although he manages to swing by and kiss Kaitlyn (who also kissed most of the other dudes, but whatev). Ben Z gets the rose, which he deserved just by winning the boxing match in my opinion.

First one-on-one date goes to Clint - a real "hunk of meat" according to Kaitlyn. They do an underwater photo shoot. Very odd choice of date, but again, whatev. They proceed to (say it with me) make out, and Kait is feeling the sparks fly so gives him a rose. Dare I say Clint went ahead and made her day. HEY-OH

Last group date is stand-up comedy at the Improv, with special guest star (and self-proclaimed Bachelor fan) Amy Schumer! (NOTE: these epsiodes are so much better with Kimmel and Schumer. Perhaps we can get them as recurring characters?) Amy asks Kait if it would be okay if she hooked up with a couple of leftovers. Love her.

Jonathan, Joshua, Chris, Ian, Joe and Tony are terrified to have to get on stage and tell jokes. JJ is not. He is super confident and knows he's going to kill it. Mmm-kay. Amy has a few comedienne friends to help them out, and finds JJ to be a turd. Foreshadow alert. But the guys actually do pretty well, get some laughs - except Tony, who does get laughs but more AT him not WITH him. Oh, Tony. Poor confused healer Tony who takes this opportunity to share how #blessed he is. And then admits he is wasted. Yay Tony.

Kaitlyn begins the kissing train, smooching JJ after he talked about his daughter, who misses her terribly but there's no place he'd rather be (really??), then Kentucky Joe who throws out a "well I'll be!" Sealing the deal for Southern dudes everywhere, but not for Joe - JJ gets the rose.

At the cocktail party, the guys decide to give the three fellas who weren't picked to go on dates some time to bond with Kaitlyn. Well, all the guys except JJ, who swoops in and steals her away immediately. Ooooh. Low blow, fella. (One guy even questions: "Power move or dick move?!") After kissing her again, JJ comes back in, tells the guys he's #sorrynotsorry and eagerly accepts the Most Hated Man on the Bachelorette (soon to be the Next Contestant on Bachelor in Paradise).

This angers Tony, and Tony is a healer who doesn't get angry. Someone that does, apparently, is Kupah, who accuses Kaitlyn of keeping him to make a diversity quota (ooooh) and is she even interested at all?? Kait fires back, saying he was the only one who didn't talk to her on the boxing date, and was HE even interested at all?? He continues to rant and rave, and she said she felt a connection but it was no longer there. Kupah runs into the next room and tells the guys everything, clearly in earshot of Kaitlyn, who marches in and gives him the boot. "But I don't want to go! You're so hot!" Um, too little too late, bub. He then begins yelling at the camera crew trying to film his exit interview, and Kaitlyn gets worried about their safety and heads outside.  To Be Continued...

(#argh)

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