Bachelorette recap: Fantasy not-so-suite

JoJo is weeping in a fetal ball outside the private airplane hanger, but somehow pulls it together enough to send Luke home (and miraculously doesn't look like she has shed a tear). Luke is shocked and thought she knew how he felt. Girls don't have ESP, fellas. The floral heart was a lovely touch back in Burnet, but you gotta SAY IT. And not right before you feel you might get cut.


The lucky three remaining lookalike dudes - seriously, they could be triplets - jet off to sweaty Thailand for dates and fantasy suite nights with JoJo. Robby is up first, and he is so in love that he calls her Joelle. Ooh, fancy. I still truly believe this guy is gay, but JoJo is in love with him (although she doesn't tell HIM that - she learned her lesson from Ben!). He gladly accepts the fantasy suite date card and they may or may not stay up all night talking. Just saying.


Up next is Jordan, and JoJo has strong feelings for him but wonders if he's too good to be true. (Answer: probably.) Will she get her heart broken? (Probably again.) Screw it - he's hot and has close ties to famous people. It's worth a sweaty hike and a trek into a cave that houses a temple (read: no kissing). They make up for it in the fantasy suite, and JoJo admits (again, to camera) that she's in love with him, too! Oh, the irony. In love with two guys. Just as Ben was in love with two women. This show does crazy things to people, no?


JoJo hopes she doesn't fall in love with a third guy before her date with Chase, but they have a blast talking monkeys and fishermen (okay, Chase talks about that stuff). Chase is nervous to say "I love you," but once safely inside the fantasy suite he opens up about his true feelings, admitting he has never said it first before. Bless him. And suddenly JoJo looks ill and excuses herself to go outside. This can't be good. And it's not - she tells Chase she doesn't see herself feeling the same way, and it wouldn't be nice to spend the night with him and then dump him, so why not just dump him now. Chase is rightfully pissed, and impresses me by not taking her crap. He says he can't believe she let him into the fantasy suite just to "get the f$#& out," and he took a great risk/leapt a big hurdle just to get skewered and shattered for it. (YOU CALL ME, CHASE.) She doesn't want him to leave like this, but he's like "what do you want me to say?" Cracks open a Thai beer and hopes into the exit minivan. Adding, "Well, that sucked." Brilliant.


At the rose ceremony, there's clearly a male dress code of khakis and blue button-downs. Make that cropped khakis. What the hell was happening with Jordan's pant/ladylike sandal combo??

JoJo appears, announcing that she let Chase go, but what do you know - he shows up! Atta way, producers. He pulls her aside to apologize for ending it the way he did, and he's proud of her (??) and has a lot of love for her. I feel this could be an excellent stumping speech to be the next Bachelor, but whatever. Back to two, and Robby and Jordan both accept their roses (obvi) and get geared up to meet JoJo's family. Here's hoping her mom swigs wine from the bottle again...