Bachelor in Paradise recap: Make Paradise Corinne again

My mistake - the eagle has not landed. Canadaniel is no longer an eagle - he's a wolf. Pardon me. So the WOLF has landed with an hour to give away his rose, and he's not thrilled that he only has the "leftovers" to choose from. As he put it, the only girls left are the ones with a 5 o'clock shadow and hair extensions falling out. And he said this to Lacey's FACE. And she still wanted to go out with him. Sigh. He "interviews" Christen and Jasmine (the other leftovers) but decides to give his rose to Lacey.

Most roses are obvious, but Adam gives his to Raven and Dean gives his to Kristina. To her dismay, Ben Z saves D-Lo so Dean can still have his cake and eat it too. Matt returns to give his rose (but not himself) to Jasmine, who has perfected Resting Beach Face. Thus, Sarah and Dolphin Girl (aka Alexis) have to say adios.

Some crazy frat bros lucha libre dudes come screaming through paradise the next morning, hinting at a date card that Canadaniel gets. He invites Lacey to a romantic day of Mexican wrestling, because why not. Jack Stone was hoping to bond with Christen, but she gets asked out by the tickle monster, who is actually a doctor! (Bless his heart.) Their date involves feeding each other with tiny hands, and I guess the jokes about shrimp and scallop fingers will just never go away. Sigh. They smooch but she later tells Jack Stone she's not sure there were fireworks.

Back at the homestead, Dean gets closer and closer with D-Lo, telling her she's the kind of girl he could fall in love with. Meanwhile, Kristina is done. Nyet. Not happening.

Cut to another lame live show, though clearly taped on the same night as last week because Jasmine is in the same outfit. We learn that Wells and Danielle did go on a date years ago but nothing ever came of it...but that kiss was GOOD. Raven explains about the near threesome between herself, Sarah and Adam back in Dallas, and Jasmine is able to confront Matt on leaving her in Mexico. Booooring. Also boring? Corinne's interview. Basically she was on meds and mixed them with a ton of booze, leaving her unable to make good decisions or remember what happened. (aka college) She says DeMario did nothing wrong - except talk to the media - and she is sorry for what happened. Not sure why no one asked her why she called herself a "victim" if nothing happened, but I just don't care enough to care. I would have also liked to hear about Raquel, but that's neither here nor there.

On to the next!