Bachelorette recap: Popping the Cork

We're still in Ireland (for what seems like an eternity - guessing ABC's budget has been cut), and Kaitlyn still has to get the five guys down to three for overnight fantasy dates. Ben H gets the first date card, and although Kait is tuckered out from crying all week, she pushes through like the grown-up she is - and plays hide and seek. Later they talk about all the feelings and Ben admits to being scared of being unlovable. Kaitlyn tells him he is in fact lovable, and is ready to love him pretty soon. But Ben wants to stay up all night and talk. Which leads Kaitlyn to ask him point-blank if he's a virgin. Ouch. He isn't, for the record, but he's glad he comes off as "innocent and pure of heart." Oof. She then presses him for details on his first time. Damn, girl. He totally deserves the rose for this kind of peer pressure.

Back at the hotel, a date card arrives with Shawn, Nick and Joe's name on it. Not much happens on this date, although Kaitlyn is trying to get up the nerve to tell Shawn that she slept with Nick. (why, god - why?). Shawn steals her away first, to get back on track after the whole "let's take a step back" fiasco at the last rose ceremony. They are both bummed that they didn't kiss after that conversation, and vow to never let that happen again. Just as she looks ready to tell her sordid truth, Nick arrives to steal her away. (well-played, producers)

Kaitlyn asks Nick what he thought about their intimate night. As any guy would, Nick says he feels real good about it.  He throws in an "I'm falling in love you" for good measure, and they kiss, even though I am super distracted by her glittery eyeshadow. I want to hate it, but I also want to buy it. Curses.

It's Joe's turn, and he is totally falling for Kaitlyn, even though it's clear to everyone that she is minutes (nay, seconds) away from dumping him. Dudes - when she can't look you in the eye as you're pouring your heart out, it's NOT a good sign. Poor Joe is totally blindsided (although he tells her he's "cool") and rightfully pissed. Doesn't even get an exit interview because he storms off. Later, dude. Maybe Bachelor in Paradise??

Kaitlyn returns to Shawn and "The Other Guy," which is what Shawn not-so-lovingly calls Nick, and informs them that not only is there no rose on this date, but Nick is going back to the hotel so she can spend some time with Shawn. Aka telling her boyfriend she slept with her other boyfriend. Yay!
She struggles to get it out - I thought she was going to leave it at "things went too far" - but finally comes right out and says "we had sex." And Shawn just sits there. He stews over the fact that she did it, and especially that she did it with The Other Guy, but he loves this girl, y'all. He has to man up and stick it out! He can't tell the other guys he knows, so he returns to the hotel and tells them he had a great time and feels super-confident he'll get the rose. This concerns Nick a bit...

Then it's rose ceremony time again! Jared hopes to get a chance to talk to Kaitlyn, but she has made up her mind and is blinding everyone in her shimmery mirror dress anyway, so let's get on with it. Shawn gets the first rose, but says "we need to talk." He doesn't understand why, after he told Kaitlyn what he thought of Nick, would she go ahead and do that with him? Especially after she told Shawn he was the one?! All valid points, IMO. Kaitlyn strikes back with "I shouldn't have told you you were the one halfway through." Duh. And "I'm obviously here to explore other relationships, since in the end this will be my LAST relationship." Shawn is somehow placated by this, and accepts the rose. Ben H snags a rose, and the final rose goes to Nick, which concerns Shawn a bit...

And poor Jared is sent packing. Ever the gentleman, he offers Kait his coat outside. He is nothing but nice, and she sobs, saying she has only good things to say about him. Perhaps Ethan Hawke was a ibt too nice?

Off to Cork for three overnight fantasy dates! (Seriously - the budget. They used to go to Bora Bora and shit.) First up is Nick, and they have a boozy date of day-drinking, confessing in church (what IS it with them and churches??), smooching in public and trying to understand what the Irish are saying.
Later on, Nick badmouths Shawn because that's what these guys do, and accepts the key to the fantasy suite. Which Kaitlyn at first convinces him is an abandoned jail cell, complete with pallets on the ground. Nick just wants sex - he doesn't care where - so is fine with this arrangement. In the morning, they debate bacon versus Canadian bacon and are super comfortable with each other. Kaitlyn claims they stayed up and ate chocolate. I assume she left out "off each other's bodies."

Shawn calls the front desk to find out where Nick is staying, and pays him a little unneighborly visit. He tells Nick he doesn't think he's here for the right reasons, and that if Kaitlyn knew the truth he wouldn't still be here. He saw him on last season, and none of the guys liked him! So what do you have to say for yourself, Other Guy?? Nick says "you don't know me, man" and "you can't compare last season to this season" and blah blah testosterone and blah blah To Be Continued.

We do get an update on Britt and Brady, who are now trying to make the long distance thing work. This thing is doomed.