Bachelor recap: Boobs gets you a rose; sex gets you the boot

It's the first group date for Nick's ladies, and they're taking wedding photos. Because why not. There's a rocker bride, a shotgun bride, a princess bride, even an Adam and Eve bride (?). Villain Corinne is the beach bride, and loves parading around in her skimpy bikini -until she sees Adam and Eve bride Brittany who is topless. Corinne will NOT be wearing more clothes than anyone, dammit - so during her photo shoot in the pool, she whips off her top and Nick "has to" cover her breasts with his hands, Janet Jackson-style. Rough life. All the other girls are horrified -she is NOT wife material!- but Boobs McGee wins the challenge and some quality time with Nick. The evening gets worse at the after-party when Corinne proceeds to interrupt no less than three girls to continue to get time with him. Taylor is one of the ones that gets interrupted, and she decides to turn things around and interrupt right back (thank you! why does no one else do this??). Corinne is pissed- how DARE someone "re-interrupt?" But because every encounter between Corinne and Nick involves a makeout sesh, she gets the group date rose. A few girls bring up a valid point - if all Nick wants is sex, no wonder he's on his 4th try...

Special props to The Dolphin (no longer dressed as a shark or dolphin, thank goodness) for celebrating her fake boobs' first birthday (or "boobday") with cupcakes. And telling Nick her boobs tasted better. #BOOM

Danielle gets the first one-on-one date, and they take a helicopter to a yacht and end up on a ferris wheel. Quite a whirlwind day. Plus they open up to each other about past relationships and we learn that she was engaged but he died of a drug overdose. Sheesh. Nick handles this like a champ and she gets the rose. She actually seems like a nice normal person. Odd.

The second group date heads to the Broken Relationship Museum, which I can't believe is a real thing. Each of the six girls must get on stage and "break up" with Nick. Which proves funny in some cases, and incredibly awkward in another. I'm looking at you, Liz. Liz slept with Nick 9 months ago, as she likes to remind us, and she finally cracked and confessed the whole thing to Christen. After her "performance," Nick realized it was time to have a little chat. Especially after learning that Christen knew all the dirty details. He couldn't get a straight answer from Liz on why she never tried to contact him yet decided to show up on TV to "get to know him better," and Liz ended up getting the boot. Nick had to explain to the remaining ladies where Liz went and why - and TO BE CONTINUED.

Dammit.