Bachelor Recap: The Red Dress District

Annnnnd we're back. Sunday night had a pointless one-hour "preview" special, but I'm not even going to get into it. Nick Viall is our Bachelor, because three times isn't enough apparently and he clearly enjoys crying on national television.

The black box makes it's return, as Nick hops into the shower. Not sure why these shots are necessary, but whatever. After a brief Bach-chat with former B's Ben, Chris and Sean (who clearly have little else going on in their lives), Nick heads to the mansion to meet the 30 lucky ladies.

They include:

Alexis: Wacky NJ native who loves dolphins so much she spends the entire evening in a shark costume. But swears it's a dolphin. (This makes me miss Left Shark, but bygones.) Rose.

Angela: Model from South Carolina, I believe. One of 15-20 wearing a red dress. No rose.

Astrid: All I remember is a pink (not red) dress. Rose.

Briana: Nurse. Purple dress. (I'm telling you - so many in red you noticed the ones who weren't!) No rose.

Brittany: Nurse with low self-esteem and a red dress. Rose.

Christen: YELLOW dress. Taught Nick the box step and claimed they were ballroom dancing. Alrighty. Rose.

Corinne: "Runs" her daddy's multi-million dollar company, but yet has a nanny. Clearly being edited to be the bad girl, Corinne planted the first kiss on an unsuspecting (yet totally fine with it) Nick. Rose.

Danielle: In the running for first impression rose, mostly due to the fact that her boobs were thisclose to popping out. Rose.

Danielle M: Neo-natal ICU nurse who brought Nick her dad's homemade syrup and fed it to him on her finger. Is that hygenic, D? Rose.

Dominique: Nose ring. Rose.

Liz: Slept with Nick at Jade and Tanner's wedding, refused to give him her number and conveniently shows up now that he's the Bachelor. Interesting. Rose.

Elizabeth: From Dallas. Rose.

Hailey: Canada, eh? Friends with Canadaniel I think. Or it was staged. Rose.

Ida Marie: Two-piece blue lace dress. That's all I remember. No rose.

Jaimi: Tells Nick he has balls, and so does she - and puts her fingers up her nose to reveal the bullring. Classy! Rose.

Jasmine B: No rose. No idea.

Jasmine G: I remember her from Dallas Cowboys: Making the team. Best dressed, in my opinion. Rose.

Josephine: Another super weird one who presents Nick with a book with an uncooked hot dog inside and says "you're a weiner in my book!" And then proceeds to ask him to eat it "Lady and the Tramp style." Sigh. Rose.

Kristina: cool spy-like Russian accent, dental assistant. Rose.

Lacey: Rode in on a camel, because she heard Nick likes to hump. Oy. Rose.

Lauren: I enjoyed her opening line comparing Nick's unfortunate last name ("vile") to hers ("hussy"), but apparently it was a no-go. No rose.

 Michelle: I don't remember her at all. No rose.

Olivia: From Alaska, gave him an Eskimo kiss! No rose.

Rachel: Attorney from Dallas, got the first impression rose. This girl is on fiyah.

Raven: From a tiny town in Arkansas, she did the Pig Sooie call. Oy again. Rose, y'all.

Sarah: This one came running up in sneakers, as the "runner up." Get it??? Rose.

Susannah. No clue who this is. No rose.

Taylor: Social worker with an amazing rollerblading body. Rose.

Vanessa: Another one to watch, she is from Quebec, speaks French and teaches special ed. Sigh. Rose.

Whitney: Another red dress, another rose.

Looking forward to another most dramatic season ever!!!