Diane's fancy NYE plans

Sad when a little plastic doll has fancier plans than I do, but she'll be at Javier's. Again. Probably in the cigar bar, trolling for an A-Rod bobblehead to smooch at midnight. Gold-digger.

Regardless, Happy New Year everyone!!

Ho ho, ho's

The last day of work before the Christmas break inevitably feels like the last day of school before Christmas break: everyone is hopped up on cookies and cocoa and other sugary goodies; no one is actually doing any work (which is good, since the phones aren't ringing and all emails are "out of office" bouncebacks anyway); and you're just hoping the boss lets you go early. Preferably before the sugar high wears off around 3pm.

Have a great holiday everyone! 34 followers and counting! :)

Diane, practicing for her part in the nativity play

(aka Fun With Kleenex)

This "cracks" me up for some reason

It's a gingerbread crack house! Love the obscene graffiti. And no, I didn't make it. That's the beauty of the internets, people.

The Christmas Glutton, Part II

See Diane. See Diane face-planted in the cookies. Sleep it off, Diane.

The Christmas Glutton: A Diane Tale

Diane Esparza loves Christmas.

She adores getting treats.

But Miss Diane has a problem

When it comes to the sweets.

"Christmas cookies!" she exclaimed,

Grabbing one right off the plate.

But sugar is her crack,

and you can now guess her fate.

Global Warming=Grinch

It is going to be 76 here today, close to 80 tomorrow. Not exactly a winter wonderland or cuddle-up-by-the-fireside weather. (I don't have a fireplace anyway, but I DO have one of those yule log DVDs and it works just as well, thank you.)

And although I'm spending Christmas in Colorado, my mom doesn't live in the mountains and there's no snow there, either! At least it will be cold enough to wear freaking sweaters and drink hot cocoa without sweating, though. Stupid global warming.

SNL Digital Shorts KILL ME.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQlIhraqL7o&feature=player_embedded

Possible dates for Diane

I am at once entertained and horrified at the sheer volume of bobbleheads out there. Of course you've got your athletes, your politicians (Joe Biden? alrighty), even your Jesus and Pope bobbleheads for the religious among you. But for little Diane, I think she needs someone a bit more...attainable. Take your pick, mmm-kay?

Bite me, Kim Kardashian

Love how she's making a conscious effort to try to be single for a whole year. She said, "I've made a promise to myself and I'm going to try really hard to stick with it, but I'm such a hopeless romantic [and inexplicably have guys throwing themselves at her] that it's hard." Boo freaking hoo, Kimmy. Want to switch? You can enjoy 33 years of being single! It's a blast.

Forecast calls for SNO.

That's not a spelling error, and that also has nothing to do with the weather. Tonight, apparently, is "Sarahs' Night Out" (SNO), since I am hitting the town with two lovely Sarahs. And we all spell it the same (and the correct way, ahem). Look out, world. Sarahs are comin' for ya.

A rare insight into dudes

Okay, not really. But I love reading the ESPN.com message boards - granted, most of them are about college basketball (my chosen topic of choice, duh). But there will be an occasional post and ensuing conversation between guys about things like dating, sex, what to have for lunch, favorite R&B group, and a recent topical one that made me giggle out loud: 50+ posts on "The 5 Worst Christmas Songs EVER." Guys are funny. And reading these things makes me feel like I'm a fly on the locker room wall. Because you KNOW they don't just talk about sports (or even sex) in there. There's bound to be a "Dude, should I go to Subway for lunch?" conversation going on. Hilarious.

All I wanted for Christmas, circa 1988

The Dooney & Bourke bucket bag. Everyone in the sixth grade had one - this WAS Hockaday, remember - and I wanted one so bad. Especially to take on our class trip to Williamsburg/Washington DC. But what did Santa bring me instead? A Liz Claiborne shoulder bag that was honestly not even a close replica. Think of wanting a BMW convertible and getting a Ford sedan. Yet somehow I have managed to survive without one. (But still like to whine about it sometimes.) Bygones.

Bachelor Brad is Baaaaack

...and the lovely ladies competing for his attention are up on abc.com.

In a nutshell:

*Lots of tats. Esp. of shamrocks.
*A smattering of weird name spellings. "J?"
*Some odd jobs. Manscaper? Funeral director? Model (in Vail)?
*People can comment on the girls' photos (for the first time I can remember). Some comments are harsh, others are just plain awesome.

Let the good times roll January 3! I still predict he picks no one, although he's saying he found love. Maybe with a producer.

Someone's caught Bieber Fever

Willow Smith looks cute, but is going to have a tough time "whipping" this hair. Time for another single to come out, I guess...

A little something for the tree. Or not.

Ouch.

At least she's not a Dook fan

(And yes, that's my mouse pad. What.)

Why.

How come EVERY time I see the name "Dwayne" (which, let's be honest, isn't all that often), I immediately think, "dwain the bathtub, I'm dwowning!"

Heh. I am so juvenile. Anyone have a whoopie cushion?

*Apologies to anyone named Dwayne.

Diane learns how to use the copier.

Diane. Diane-a-rama. Steak Diane. Making copies. Not creepy AT ALL.

This picture scares me.

It's like "pick out which of these women is really a man." And I have to give it to both X-tina and Cher. YIKES, ladies. You're starting to look like dudes.

(xoxo Kristen Bell, aka Gossip Girl.)

Where's Dwight Schrute when you really need him?

While relaying the intimate details of our office holiday party to my friend Jade (shout-out), she said it sounded like something on "The Office." So true, so true. Aside from the merriment surrounding Diane Esparza, the "party" consisted of a three-hour (!) pot-luck lunch with a holiday CD playing in the background. Except when it was time for the live entertainment, courtesy of a guy who works in the Web Services office, who did some stand-up comedy. The first joke literally started, "I just flew in from Vegas..." (and sadly didn't end with "...and boy are my arms tired!" - because I probably would have laughed at that)

Now, a party's a party, and we did get to go home afterwards. Plus I of course left with the gift that keeps on giving, Diane. But still. A little sad.

10...9...8...

Somehow got roped into co-hosting a NYE party with a guy friend of mine. Apparently his friends were trying to convince him to have a party, and he said "Only if Sarah will co-host." I swear it's only because I have a few single girlfriends who I can coax into attending. So basically I'm like a madam. Awesome.

Still - I prefer the NYE house party over braving cabs and bars and cover charges any day, so I'll bring my ladies (of the night -ha) and have a blast. Because my one stipulation was that the party have karaoke. Yay. Bring it, 2011.

Happy Holidays from Sarah and Diane

...does that make me sound like I'm in a lesbian relationship? FML. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

FML

Dermatologist appointment this morning. Just my 6-month check-up. Which is why it's weird that they ask all these questions like "what are you doing here?" You sent me a postcard and told me it was time to come in, people. Sheesh. But it was stressing me out so much that I had to come up with a reason. So I decided to let the doc unclog a pore on my forehead. Okay, pop a zit.
Little did I know he was being followed today by a very cute resident. Who got to come in and watch the magic happen. So humiliating. Plus I paid a $35 co-pay. To pop a zit. Sigh.

Meet Diane.

Diane Esparza, that is. I stole her during my office white elephant party on Friday. Apparently this person created bobbleheads of herself and sent them to companies in the hopes of becoming their Time Warner Cable account rep. Ballsy, Diane. Very ballsy.

I decided to keep her on my desk and blame things on her - "Oh, Diane Esparza was in charge of that." "Let me connect you to Diane Esparza." "She nodded her head yes, so she's on board." Etc.

She was such a hit at the party that we decided to call the number she listed to compliment her marketing savvy. And...she no longer works there. Perhaps business cards are a better way to go...

But thank you, Diane, wherever you are, for livening up an office holiday party. Stop nodding your head at me.

Don we now our gayest apparel

Fugly Christmas Sweater Party. TONIGHT. Who knew there are websites devoted to this. Mine arrived complete with shoulder pads sewn in. Which should give you a pretty good idea of how old it is. (And yes, it's quite fugly, thankyouverymuch.)

I told my friends that whoever doesn't show up in a sweater/sweater vest/holiday turtleneck will have to pose in a Santa hat and tie that plays "Jingle Bells." Because if I look ridiculous, I'm taking everyone down with me. That's the true spirit of the holidays, no?

Frosty, indeed

Top 10 Reasons Why Dating a Snowman Would Suck (besides the obvious):

10. His cold, icy stare. (This also applies to his embrace and his feet under the covers)

9. He doesn't HAVE feet. Scratch #1. But this is still problematic.

8. That damn corncob pipe. Nasty habit.

7. Tendency to hang out in the buff. A scarf doesn't cut it, bub.

6. When I'm hungry, his carrot nose gets nibbled on. And not in a sexy way.

5. Takes a lot of work to make - er, meet - his friends.

4. No fireside chats.

3. Or s'mores.

2. Or candlelit dinners.

Because, the #1 reason dating a snowman would suck...

1. HE MELTS, people.

Whiffen-whos?

I don't watch "The Sing-off" (which may come as a surprise to those of you who know how much TV I actually DO watch), but a friend texted me Tuesday night that the Whiffenpoofs were on. I so heart them. They're the a cappella group from Yale who are apparently the oldest collegiate a cappella group (thank you, Google), and they are also mighty adorable.

They performed for us at a Hockaday assembly once in high school, and let's just say 14 good-looking college dudes in a room of hundreds of girls went over VERY well. They could have just sat up on stage and done absolutely nothing, and we still probably would have given them a standing ovation. All-girls schools are tough, what can I say.

They were also on an episode of "West Wing" back in the day and sang the most amazeballs rendition of O Holy Night. Of course, every time it's a different bunch of dudes - like Menudo, if you will. But they're always super cute and uber talented.

Plus you can use it in a sentence: "Whiffenpoof THIS." (That's what she said. Whatever.)

Good Samaritan! (no, not me.)

Sometimes it is pretty awesome being a girl. Like today. When I stopped by FedEx to mail boxes of gifts to my dad and brother. I tried balancing the boxes while closing the trunk of my car, but sure enough, the big one fell. (Um, hoping nothing broke...heh) This dude came running out of the store to help me, and he carried the big box all the way to the register for me. Totally embarrassing that he had witnessed the whole scene, but still. So nice. Yay for chivalry.

Holey crap. Indeed.

How much would you pay for this distressed t-shirt? It's military-ish, which is totally in right now. But it DOES have holes in it. Well, folks, this is not just any cotton t-shirt. It has magical powers. I mean, it must. Because it costs $1,385. Yes, it's Balmain. And yes, it's on sale for $350. (Which, compared to the original cost, is QUITE a sale.) But it is still a holey t-shirt. I'll stick to the 3-pack of Hanes v-necks from Target for like $9.99, thanks.

Photos a go-go

Sarah Fun Fact #718: Since buying a digital camera like 5 years ago, I have not printed out ONE photo. Looking around my apartment the other day, I realized that it might be time to replace some of the high school/college photos that are currently residing in the picture frames. Especially considering my hair is a different color. And I'm not exactly 19 anymore. (Or 25, for that matter)

So I downloaded some pics from the last few years onto a CD and I'm making it my mission over the holidays (aka New Years Resolution) to get these bad boys printed out and actually put up somewhere. Of course, my resolution LAST year was to learn how to cook, and that didn't go so well. But a girl can dream.

Sorry dude

I have trouble shopping for Christmas presents without buying myself the occasional something. I admit it, it's a problem. Regardless, I was at Target and bought t-shirts for my half- and step-brothers, and treated myself to a new DVD player b/c mine froze and doesn't work anymore.

Long story short(er): without any gift boxes at home, I was forced to wrap one of the shirts in the DVD player box. Which is so mean - he will unwrap it Christmas morning and think his awesome older sister bought him a DVD player for college. Um, no. So I felt obliged to write on the box, "Sorry. This is NOT a DVD player." Talk about ruining it. Oh, well. Here's hoping the Rangers Claw and Antlers tee I actually DID buy him will make up for it...

Damn you, Zuckerberg

Got the "new profile" on facebook this morning. I don't like it. There, I said it. It immediately pulled my grad school up into the header, and no offense Emerson, but I am much prouder of having attended UNC. Seeing no other way around it, I had to delete grad school from Facebook entirely. And now I feel dumber. And saddled with tens of thousands of dollars of student loans for nothing. Sigh.

I'll repeat: DAMN YOU, ZUCKERBERG.

Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?

(Shout-out to an old SNL sketch with Seinfeld as the host that portrayed a game show called like "Stand Up and Win" with a bunch of stand-up wannabes. Adam Sandler's token answer was "who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?" Sorry. Tangent over.)

Got sucked into buying a new flavor of Extra gum, Mint Chocolate Chip. The box actually says, "Have your dessert and CHEW it, too!" Oh lord. Now for the review: it's not bad. It's NOT the same as having mint chocolate chip ice cream. But it's not bad. It's weird, though. Seriously - who ARE the ad wizards who came up with this.

When did this become a thing?

People.com keeps referring to tight dresses as "bodycon." Which I guess is short for "body conscious." But makes me think of Comic Con or some other weird convention where people dress up in anime costumes. Think I'll stick to "tight." (Plus, how many letters are you really saving by not typing out "conscious." Lazy, much?)

Holy Tar Heel Basketball, Batman

Man did I pick a good game to go to, or what?! Best $500 I ever spent. Seriously. Got to see old friends, bonded with a 6-year-old who might start asking her mom for mascara and a hair straightener for Christmas (sorry SB), saw about 2 inches of snowfall (a majority of that actually fell ON us), and watched my sweet Heels win one for the Gipper. Also scored a rally towel, but that's neither here nor there. Almost bought the last UNC Snuggie at the Franklin Street CVS, but I managed to tear myself away. Does a person really need three Snuggies? (Don't answer that.)

Plus watched "Elf" (again) on the plane ride home. Doesn't get much better than that. :)

Ouch

Elliptical repair guy came this morning. I joked how the elliptical takes up most of the living room (which really isn't a joke; it's true), and he said "oh, that's okay. You're a college student, right?" I was like, "um, NO." And he was shocked and asked, "What? Really?" At first I thought I should be flattered, that he thought I totally looked college age. But then he followed up with, "So you're living here why? To save money?" Um, sure pal. Dang.

*Note: perhaps my UNC football rug needs to go. It DOES look rather "college-y" in here...

About to snap

Wearing a puffy vest similar to the above today at work. I swear to god five people have walked by and asked, "Are you cold?" NO I'M NOT COLD. It's fashionable. (In fact, I'm sweating my a** off, but I can't take the damn vest off b/c the shirt underneath is a tad short and no one needs to see my stomach at the office.) Crikey. Never wearing this bad boy again. Unless it's like -5 out and I can say, "Actually YES. I'm freezing." Sheesh.

Chapel Thrill...

Going back to Cali tomorrow. Um, I mean NC.

Staying with my college roommate, pictured above (shout-out, SB!), nosebleed tix to the UNC-KY game (please win, for the love of god), buying up more Carolina crap (although I can't imagine needing to own more t-shirts than I already do), dinner with sorority sisters (delta love)...all in all, good times ahead.

Kind of annoyed by

...cars dressed as reindeer. It's just weird.

I find it amusing

...that ever since Jessica Simpson received her ruby and diamond engagement ring (which, even though I share the ruby as my birthstone, I find quite fugly), her nails have consistently been painted a matching ruby red. What is a girl to do when she wants to wear, say, pink? Oh the mismatched humanity.

Meteorology. What a joke.

The other night on the news, the weather guy was talking about a "potential weather pattern" that could hit the Dallas area next week. Apparently on the European radar charts (?), this bad boy could create a huge winter storm that would result in "record-breaking snowfall" for the metroplex. However, on another chart, it would breeze right by and just get a little "colder." Um, really? Ice age versus simply throwing on a scarf? Good to know, people. Good to know. Where's Troy Dungan when you really need him.