Bachelor in Paradise recap: Joe lies (when he cries)

I tried to find that clip from Say Anything, but no dice. Hopefully y'all catch my drift on this one.

Last night's episode was pretty focused on the Joe-Juelia-Samantha fiasco, once again. We quickly learn that Samantha is in on the scheme - she won't talk to Juelia about it without Joe present - but she chooses to play it coy and wants Joe, who has quickly become public enemy #1, to do the same. Too bad that Joe already came clean (ish) and outed their prior contact, including a text from Sam that told him to "do anything it takes to still be there" when she arrived. Samantha even goes so far as to kick out the guys and push out the camera, hiding behind a bunk bed and telling Joe she lied to producers and he should to. And then she bends down and sees the camera is filming this entire exchange, so she closes the door. #sketchymuch

Joe is defensive as usual, particularly when confronted by JJ (semi-redeeming himself from the "villains gotta vill" on Kaitlyn's season). He doesn't see anything wrong by what he did, even saying Jared did the same thing. Jared pipes up that he did NOT do the same thing, thank you very much. Dates with two different girls doesn't equal starting a relationship with someone beforehand and lying to someone else about it. JJ makes the valid point of why don't they just take their forbidden love and leave the island altogether?? And then makes a confusing point about Joe being circular and needing a straight edge. What now?

In other BIP news, Dan accepts Amber's date request, but wants to smooth things over with Ashley S first. This does not go well, and Ashley ends up hanging out with her real friends, the parakeets (one in particular named Juanita). The crazy is back, folks! Hide your kids, hide your wives. Dan and Amber hit the town and a crowd of people start chanting "beso!" until they kiss. And then "otro!" until they do it again. How much were these people paid, is my question.

Megan and JJ also have a date, yachting and jet-skiing with dolphins (and Megan hopes if things go well there will be some motorboating as well - HEY-OH). JJ announces that her perky breasts and blonde hair more than make up for the fact that he's smarter than her, and Megan announces that "I've never been wet so quickly on a date." Annnnnd scene.

We end the evening with another TO BE CONTINUED, as JJ and Joe seem on the verge of fighting. Bring on the lucha libre!!

Special shout-out to Jorge the bartender for making the opening credits! These remain the most enjoyable part of the show to me. #speaksvolumes