Bachelorette recap: Villains gotta vill

This week's Bachelorette is brought to you by the letter "B": bad guys, bare butts and bromance.We start with Kupah, who has still been kicked off and yet still refuses to leave. He is yelling at the producers, telling them how upset he is (duh), and then Kaitlyn comes out to confront him and he goes all sad puppy dog, telling her once again that he doesn't want to go home. She doesn't give a crap, like a real Canadian would, and it's time for Kup to fly the coop. (See what I did there?) He gives more sarcasm and drama to the camera and finally goes, so it's time to get back to the rose ceremony and kick off more guys! Cory and Daniel are given the boot, and I honestly barely remember ever seeing them on a previous episode.

For some god forsaken reason, she keeps Healer Tony (although since she later says she has a thing for Jared's black eye, maybe it was Tony's mysterious black eye in episode one that kept him around?), but he gives HIMSELF the boot after the group date the next day, involving two sumo wrestlers and a bunch of dudes in assless diapers:

(Damn you, network censors! In the back AND in the front!)

The guys all get annihilated by the giant Asian men, but still seem to have some fun with it. Tony, however, is a lover not a fighter (still - black eye. WHAT), and wonders aloud why they can't just go to the zoo and make animal sounds. (This is a direct quote, people) I kind of think he was still on the show for Britt anyway, and this was just one more reason to leave. Peace, Tony. Namaste. Or whatever.

After the pseudo-sumo, Clint decides that Kaitlyn needs to make an effort to talk to him. Which she doesn't. Instead, she and Shawn snuggle up and he gets the rose. Clint doesn't care - he's not into Kaitlyn anyway. He's more interested in pursuing a bromance with JJ. These two are BFFs - they shower together, pop each other's zits, hang in the hot tub, serenade each other on the guitar, talking about turtles, and basically enjoy being douchey. As JJ puts it, "Villains gotta vill." Okay...

Ben Z gets the one-on-one date this week, and Chris Harrison has planned the entire date. I guess he likes freaking the hell out of people, because Kait and Ben go to "The Basement," a horror-fest of terror including live snakes, scorpions and the grossest toilet I have ever seen, where they must solve a puzzle before "poisonous gas" is emitted. (The puzzle ended up spelling out "roses," which took both of them much longer to spell than it should have.) I gotta side with Tony on this - can't they just go to a damn zoo?! But it brings Ben and Kaitlyn closer, and after he tells her he hasn't cried since he was was a boy, he gets the rose. Anyone else sort of hoping that would make him cry finally??

The last group date involves guys teaching sex ed to a bunch of impressionable kids in a school setting. We later learn that Kaitlyn is punking the guys (of course she is, that jokester!), and the kids are all actors, but still. They're kids. Asking the guys about wet dreams and sexual positions and what I can only assume is "what is the clitoris?" because some comments were beeped out. Ohhhhh lord. To their credit, the guys did great. Even Joshua having to show the girls how to use a tampon. Seriously?? Ben H was endearing, bringing it back to love and pulling Kaitlyn up to represent the egg while he was the sperm, swimming around "the other mess" to get to her. I had a flashback of the Reproduction scene from Grease 2. Ben obviously deserved and received the rose for his efforts.

At the rose ceremony, Kaitlyn hints at wanting to find out more about the divisiveness in the house, but before she can, Clint pulls her away to get back in her good graces. It works, which is good, because although he doesn't like her, he's not ready to leave his best pal JJ. But enough guys have started talking to Kait about this terrible twosome that she's annoyed by the lies and wants to take action. She grabs Clint and they head outside, where...

TO BE CONTINUED
(#curses)