A thrilling hairpiece update

Not really, but I had to come up with some sort of title. My goal is to figure out how to get the damned hairpiece in for New Year's Eve. So this morning I had an extra couple of minutes and attempted. It stayed in for about 10 minutes until I got in the car, and then it started sliding around and I had to take it out. Awesome. So now there's a big blonde poof on the front seat of my car. Bet people walking by are like, "WTF happened in there." Sigh.

Another exciting chapter in my "Life as a Single Gal" book

Had a date on Friday afternoon that I thought went pretty well. He kept touching my arm, opened doors for me, complimented my perfume (thank you, Michael Kors), came and picked me up/walked me to my door, etc. But have I heard from him? Nope. Pardon me - he seems like a polite fellow - no SIR, I have not.



Sheesh. I mean, it's one thing to get blown off when I know the date isn't going well. But when I think it's a good date...another blow to the ol' ego.

Whatever. Here's to 2011.

Son of a NUTcracker

Had my first "Elf" viewing of the season over the weekend. Man I love that movie. I think this weekend will be time for "Christmas Vacation." Mind you, I will watch it like 50 more times in December, but it's time to get it started. It is my favorite movie of all time, and I could watch it in the middle of summer. Doesn't matter. Still funny.

Favorite line: "The older boy, bless his soul, is preparing for his career."

"College?"

"Carnival."

Classic.

What I do for my friends

Helped out a guy yesterday who needed to submit a spec commercial for a contest. NOTE: I look ridiculous. But I will share with you because it's Monday and maybe you need a good laugh.

http://vimeo.com/17284350

Thank you, Facebook Places

It's finally arrived for Blackberry users like myself. (My fingers are too fat to master an iPhone.)
And I really can't get enough of "checking in" places. It makes me feel extra-sociable. Which I'm really not. In fact, I might just start typing crap in and pretending like I'm out and about. Create a fake persona, a la Sasha Fierce for Beyonce (?!), who lives out the life I wish I was living. Sarah's at Barcadia! And now she's eating dinner at Hibiscus! And checking in for a Mavs game at the AAC! She can't be stopped! She's...SuperSocial!

Okay, got a little carried away there. But seriously. Stalking opportunities aside, this Facebook Places business is fun. And it will motivate me to go out, simply to check in. I'm not ready to lie to my 750 dear FB friends quite yet. But I'm sure that will come in time. :)

My biological clock has stopped

...taking care of three dogs, a cat and my mother for a week will do that to a person.

Over Thanksgiving, I dog-sat for two sweet labs, Hank (who we re-named "Moose" b/c he is just gigantic) and Lucy (who we re-named "Black Shadow" b/c that thing is as dark as the night - which I can attest to after tripping over her on the way to the bathroom), and my brother brought his crazy little white fluffy dog, Butters (aka "Squirrel," to go with "Moose"), to complete the menagerie. (The cat, Chico, was barely seen after the arrival of doggie #3 - at least until it was time to cook the turkey. Then we couldn't shake her.)

Some lessons I learned:

1. Dogs like bread. LOAVES of bread.
2. Dogs also like swimming pools. Even when it's 35 degrees outside. (Butters jumped in accidentally when she was being chased by the bigger dogs and simply ran out of room. Turns out, she's an excellent doggie-paddler.)
3. I no longer gag when opening wet cat food. (Yay!)
4. I can clean up litter boxes like a pro. Also, without gagging. (Double yay!)
5. Doggie vomit, however, makes me gag.

Good times all around. Someone get me a fish for Christmas. Because that's about all I can handle. :)

Gracias. (That's "Thank You" for my English-speaking friends)

What I'm thankful for this year:

• Lindsay Lohan is off the streets
• Modern Family
• The over-abundance of frozen yogurt establishments in Dallas
• I finally own jeans that can be squeezed into boots (it was a long time coming, believe me)
• My new fake hairpiece, even though I can't figure out how to put it in
• "That's what she said" never gets old (and works on the above bullet point)
• I have a job, unlike last year at this time
• The 30+ faithful readers of this ludicrous blog
  

My mom's latest crush - and a little history lesson

Last night while flipping through the latest InStyle magazine, my mom (who is in town for Thanksgiving) was making random comments: "This dress is trashy." "Ooh - Justin Timberlake is CUTE." I was watching Oprah give away more of her favorite things, and wasn't really paying attention. Until I heard my mom say, "Thomas Jefferson is HOT." Aaaaand pausing Tivo.

Assuming she got mixed up by a celeb's name - Thomas Jane? Jeff Goldblum? etc. - I asked her to repeat it. "Thomas Jefferson is HOT." She passed the magazine over to me, and the above was the image she was referring to. Sadly, NOT Thomas Jefferson after all, but Alexander Hamilton. Although it really doesn't matter - she is still crushing on someone who, as I mentioned, is "like 5,000 years old!" (Yes, we're both very blonde.)

Truly outrageous. (Truly truly truly outrageous)

Showed my VERY unfortunate new driver's license picture to a group of co-workers last night. Let me just say every single person burst out laughing. Then today one said, "You look like JEM." Alrighty. I refuse to post the license photo on here - it is TOO humiliating. But above is Jem. Should give you a pretty good idea of what we're dealing with.

Oh, Tar Heels.

Please stop losing to random teams. I really cannot handle another season like last year. If you insist on sucking, I'm going to have to find a new hobby this winter. I'm leaning towards scrapbooking. Or maybe knitting. Girl can never have too many scarves. Sigh.

Whirlyball hurts

Played Whirlyball for 2 hours straight on Saturday for a friend's bday. For those unfamiliar with Whirlyball (have you been living under a rock?!), it's like bumper cars meets lacrosse with a little basketball thrown in. I have played once before and remember getting a little bruised and banged up. Well, this time I'm not sure if my overly-competitive nature took over or what, but I literally have about twelve huge bruises on my legs, including an awesome goose-egg situation on one shin. Oh, and a little kid flung the whiffle ball at me and it hit me square in the nose. Um, that hurts. Seriously thought my nose was going to bleed all over the place. Which would have been kind of awesome in retrospect.
Still, Whirlyball, 2. Sarah, 0.

Boy Bands a go-go

How awesome was the Backstreet Boys-New Kids on the Block mash-up on last night's AMAs? (Excuse me: NKOTBSB) I will soooo be going to this concert. If only NSYNC would jump on board...seriously. What the hell else is Joey Fatone doing right now? (You know everyone but Justin Timberlake would actually be all over something like this. No pressure, Justin...)

Coulda Shoulda Woulda

So after we left the 80s bash last night, some of our friends went to the Loon - ALWAYS a good idea - and who should be there but Cape Cod Chris (of Bachelorette fame). Seriously? If I had gone in my awesome 80s purple tutu, maybe we would have met...I would have even given him the awesome gold slap bracelet I received at the party. (Anyone remember those? Greatness.)

Ah, well. Gotta hand it to the Loon, though - that place always attracts random celebs.(Not as many as the Stoneleigh P, but I digress.) I saw Mark Cuban at the Loon once, taking shots. Nice.

UPDATE: Apparently it was Bachelor-mania there last night: Chris, Jeremy, the foot-fetish guy...sad but true people. They all hang out together.

From TV...

Wait for it...

...to reality!

How awesome is this. And no, I didn't "cook" this up. Found it online. But still - awesome. And it actually is pretty close to my culinary level of expertise. Although those pieces of toast look better than the ones I usually come up with. Still. Viva "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving." And Miles Standish. Whoever the hell that is. I just remember it from the cartoon.

This is why I don't watch DWTS*

Bristol Palin is in the finals? No offense to anyone's political beliefs, but the girl can't dance. Neither can I, but I'm not subjecting myself to a reality show about dancing. Love that some dude shot his TV when it was announced that she made it through. Granted, he has some mental problems, but that's pretty damn funny.

*Note: I will also not be watching Skating with the Stars. So help me.

Inspiration for tonight

Although I won't really look anything like this...but HOW AWESOME is she. Totally had her record circa 1985. Nice.

Totally 80s

Going to "Hairballs and Hair Bands" tonight - an 80s party where the money goes to Paws in the City (hence "hairballs"). CanNOT wait to deck myself out, 80s-style. Neon and acid wash and fingerless gloves, oh my!

Time to crank up the Motley Crue to get psyched. Rad.

Can I get an AMEN?!

Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you, People magazine.

This ALMOST makes up for the lame-o "I thought I would be married by now" cover of Kim Kardashian last week. (Yeah, you and me both, sweetie.)

Royal mess

Y'all. All of this royal engagement business is overshadowing the BIG engagement news! No, not Nick Lachey. Not Jessica Simpson (?!). According to People.com, Leeza FREAKING Gibbons is engaged. Poor thing is just trying to make the news again, and whammo! Prince William beat her to the punch.

But seriously. How cute is Kate Middleton. We used to have this picture book from Charles and Diana's wedding, and I would flip through it as a little girl, wishing I could be her. I'm sure I will do the same this time around - they are already selling royal engagement mugs online! Let the madness begin.

I should always read the fine print

Tar Heel Fans on Facebook announced some contest today where you have to name the Duke-UNC rivalry and the winner gets "4 tickets to the Carolina-Dook game!" (and 4 new tires - SCORE.) So I immediately come up with a lame attempt ("Thrilla on the Hilla," thankyouverymuch), and submit.

Turns out it's 4 tickets to the freaking FOOTBALL game. Cue Debbie Downer music. Although 4 new tires would kind of rock.

A friendly PSA in light of Thanksgiving...

I wish I worked for someecards. HEART THEM.

When is it officially "I've Been Stood Up" o'clock?

Last Monday, a guy invited me to the Mavericks game tonight and said he would call with the details. It's almost 5pm and I have not heard from him since. Aaaaand...scene. Calling it. Time of death: 4:51 p.m. Suck it, loser. :)

The most expensive rum and diet coke known to man

...was apparently what I mistakenly ordered at the Ritz bar this weekend. My drink plus my friend's glass of wine came out to $27. The bill was thoughtfully not itemized, so if I had to guess I would say hers was $15 and mine was $12?! (Actually, if I had to guess, I would guess that I got screwed and charged for a few other beverages.)

I know it's the damn Ritz, but for the love of Pete - it's rum. And Diet Coke. Next time I'm going classypants and bringing it in my purse.

"Egging" it on

Last year, I got sucked into the "jeggings" trend (jeans leggings). And now I can say I am the proud (?) owner of "pleatheggings" (faux leather - or pleather - leggings) and "sequeggings" (sequin leggings). Probably more fun to say than to wear. Let's see if I actually ever put them on. But all this "egg" talk has made me kind of hungry.

B.O. - boyfriend odor

Kate Walsh (of Private Practice/Grey's Anatomy fame) is apparently releasing a line of fragrances at the end of the month called Boyfriend. It's kind of genius, really - you can douse yourself in the scent of a boyfriend without having to actually have one. And think of the mind-games you can play with people:

"My Boyfriend is all over me."
"This Boyfriend reeks!"
"I can't get the Boyfriend stank off me."
"My Boyfriend smells awesome."

And the best one...
"Why do you smell like my boyfriend?!"

Good times, people.

Don't freak out

...but there will not be a blog post tomorrow. Instead, I get to sit in an all-day (literally, 7:30am-5pm) marketing conference! And I have to pay attention enough to write a story on it. Would much rather write blog posts, I assure you. Thank god for Facebook on my phone.

Oh, Gwynnie

It really bugs me that Gwyneth Paltrow is now proclaiming herself to be some sort of country artist. I'm sure she's great in the movie (Country Strong, duh), and has a decent voice, but come on. Methinks someone has felt a little irrelevant lately, and decided "Hey. GOOP didn't go over so well, so maybe I'll give a singing career a try!" And if you're married to the lead singer of Coldplay, you obviously know "people" in the industry. Bada-bing, cut a demo. Well good for you GP. And I'm not jealous. Really.

Sunny days...

Today, in honor of Sesame Street's 41st (!) season, you're supposed to change your Facebook profile pic to your favorite SS character. I was torn between Cookie Monster and Super Grover, which I ended up going with. But as I was telling a friend, thank goodness it wasn't Muppet Day. I would never have been able to choose just one. When I was little, I truly wanted to be the voice of a Muppet when I grew up. How freaking sweet would that be.

Some fleeting, fond, furry memories...

Beaker and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew

The Swedish Chef

Camilla the chicken, who Gonzo was besotted with

New Zealand and his flying fish act

Kermit and Miss Piggy - the love story of our time

Janice, the weird Valley-girl type

The old guys - Statler and Waldorf, maybe? - who heckled

Very excited that Jason Segal is making another Muppet movie. Keep 'em coming.

Baby Genius

Hung out with my friend Kelly, her husband Drew, and their adorbs baby girl last night. I swear to god, that 10-month-old is smarter than I am. She can do the following:

Snap (ish)
Clap
Semi-whistle
Dance
Play the drums
Hug
Wave
Wag her tongue like the dog
Raise up her hands (i.e. raise the roof)
Blink on command
Peek-a-boo
Pattycake, complete with the "roll it" motions
Take out her hair bow

I'm sorry - I can't even do all of these things. WTF. Wonder if I could hit a Gymboree class without a baby. Just to re-learn the basics.

Bloggers are a different breed...

Have you ever clicked on the "Next Blog" link on this page? It is truly fascinating (and a helluva way to waste time at the office). In the past five minutes, I came across a bunch of blogs written in Chinese or Japanese and a bunch of Christian-related blogs. (And of course a smattering of cute "this is our family!" blogs that restored my sense of normalcy.)

My personal "favorite" was one titled "Encouraging Ladies in the Variety of Aspects of Homemaking and Fulfilling Their God-Given Calling." Alrighty then. I will counter that with my random daily musings. That's MY God-given calling. Ha.

Hair did

Have a hair appt on Saturday. Cut and color (shhh of COURSE I'm a natural blonde). Which should only take about three, three and a half hours out of my day. Don't get me wrong - LOVE my hair stylist, but sometimes I'm jealous of guys. Run into Supercuts, and 10 minutes later, dunzo. (I guess in the days of boy-band highlighted "tips," it might have taken a bit longer, but still. Not three hours.)

And the worst/best part is, no one ever notices. Which is good, because it's supposed to look natural. But it's also bad, because COME ON PEOPLE. THREE HOURS. Which I can never get back. At least I get to catch up on Life & Style magazine.

Overheard at the gym

Granted, I work out at the Y. So it's an older, not-so-hip crowd. But this morning I heard this carpool mom-type telling her workout buddy that she wanted to get the new "G6" phone. I stifled a giggle, as I'm pretty sure she was confusing the 4G with the "Like a G6" song that her tweens are probably jamming to on the radio. Not that I really understand that song, either - what the HELL is "sizzurp" - but I know some stuff.

The Photo Booth: Best. Invention. Ever.

Went to a charity event last night. Mayor Leppert was there. Tre Wilcox, of Top Chef fame, was doing an Iron Chef-esque cookoff. But where did I spend the entire evening? In the photo booth.

OMG I want one for my house. You could pick color or black and white - so of course we had to choose both. And it didn't hurt that they brought props. Those who know me well know how I feel about props. We're talking cheesy sunglasses, feather boas, hats, masquerade masks...oh the humanity. I was in heaven. We just kept whipping out cheesy poses, grabbing the proofs, and getting back in line. I think we took like 40 photos. And I could have kept going.

Proof that Oprah really IS the most powerful woman in the world

Yeah yeah, she gives a ton of money to charity. Has opened a girls' school in Africa. Gives her audience cars and trips to Australia. But I think the most concrete proof that Oprah is the most powerful woman around was evident in yesterday's show. It was the Teen Heartthrob episode, and Her Almighty did the impossible - brought the Backstreet Boys back together! Kevin had left the group a few years ago, and one call from the big O and he's back with his boys once again.

Next, she needs to place a call to Timberlake to kick off my dream of an NSYNC reunion tour. I'll wait...

The winner of the most unfortunate name award is...

Dick Butkus. Not sure why I thought of him today, but I did. And not sure why I haven't really dissected his name before, but WOW. That is just a major bummer.



But I knew there had to be others. Thank god for Google.



I give you: other athletes with horrific names...



Craphonso Thorpe.

Jack Glasscock.

Johnny Dickshot.

Harry Colon.

And, my personal favorite, from the Korean World Classic baseball team (hey - it still counts): Bum Ho Lee. Put the middle and last names together...greatness.

My awesome business idea.

NOTE: I do not advocate carrying a handgun, and will never own one myself, but I would be much more likely to do so if they were more girlie and I could match them to my outfits.

I'm serious.

So here's what I propose: make interchangeable gun handles that can be snapped on and off to go with different clothes. You could have a denim one, a leather one, a pink rhinestone-covered one...the options are endless. Remember those Kaepa shoes in the 80s? You could snap the colored triangles in and out? That's kind of what I'm talking about - but in a deadly weapon format.

All I need is a prototype, and I swear at least in Texas girls would scoop them up. Coming up with a name is the hard part. "Girlie Guns" sounds dumb. "Pistol Poppers" sounds like some sort of ice cream treat. I'll keep thinking about it. Nobody steal my idea.

Come on, girls

Really? A SECOND girl on 16 and Pregnant is from the Dallas area? (First Mansfield, now Lewisville) Ladies. Or should I say girls. Get it together. It's called a condom. Look it up.

This is just sad. For me, at least.

My mom told me last week that she had to send out a MASS TEXT to her many suitors, explaining to them why she had been M.I.A. and out of touch. I'm sorry, what?!?! I am in awe/impressed that she has so many dudes interested in her that it would necessitate a mass text, and at the same time a little discouraged/depressed/dejected/insert synonyms here that I only have like two guys' numbers in my phone. And one is my brother.

Dang.

Found out this morning that my old company is eliminating all 47 PR Director positions across the country as of February 1. So I would have been laid off anyway (um, had I not been fired). Weird how stuff happens. Totally sucks for my friends and former colleagues, but I'm certain they will land on their feet, like I did. (I took a few tumbles and of course got multiple bruises, but found my footing eventually.)

And btw - Panera offers free wi-fi, job seekers. I speak from experience.

Oh, Bret.

I have a long-running, not-so-secret crush on Bret Michaels. Whatever, haters. He's cute. And I know his hair is fake. I wear fake hair sometimes too. But I'm sorry - "Every Rose Has its Thorn" is a great song. And Rock of Love, while trashy, made for some great TV. (He is also a great Halloween costume. I speak from experience.)

However.

He allegedly had an affair with Miley Cyrus' mom, causing Billy Ray to file for divorce?! Although gotta give the woman credit. I'd go with Bret over Achy Breaky any day of the week. Maybe he could blame the meds after his health scare(s), although I don't think the timing is quite right. Thing is, he'll be fine. Because he's a rock star. Double standard mania. And I like it.

Good try, dude

I am putting together an electronic "Year in Review" newsletter for the School of Arts & Humanities, and asked any faculty to send me pictures of babies in their family that were born this year. One guy sent a photo of his adorable baby granddaughter in a little red and black Halloween costume. He said, "I can't remember what she was...a watermelon?" I wrote back, "that, or a ladybug!" And he was like "Doh. She was a ladybug." Ah, gramps. Hilarious.

Why was I so anxious about this??

FINALLY got my driver's license in the mail yesterday. And the picture SUCKS. Why have I been so eager to get this, again? Oof.

You know what's awesome?

When nail polish peels off in one complete layer. I mean it looks horrible, but it's oddly satisfying. One down, nine to go.

Reality TV has hit a new low. For real.

Saw a preview on TV this morning for a new show coming to vh1 called "Bridalplasty." The name pretty much says it all - a bunch of brides will compete in stupid challenges, and the winner gets "cut." Aka plastic surgery. REALLY? This is what the producers come up with? And this coming from someone who is a BIG fan of shows like "Rock of Love" and "Jersey Shore." But I think it's safe to say this is one I will not be watching. Need more room on my Tivo for "Celebrity Rehab," anyway. :)

Embarrassing confession time.

In all my time at UNC, I never went to a basketball game in the Dean Dome. I went to the Blue-White game my freshman year, but that's IT. I could blame it on the fact that I had no desire to camp out overnight and had a better "view" from the bar TV, but it's really a pretty shallow excuse. Now, I've been to two Final Four games in San Antonio (and both times we lost - not saying there's a connection, but it was a little traumatizing), but more than ten years after graduation and this is getting ridiculous.

So today I sucked it up and bought two nosebleed tix for the 12/4 game against Kentucky. Helluvan opponent, and god-willing we will play better than we did last year. But it really won't matter - the point is, I will BE there. Waaaaay up at the top of the arena. Look for me on TV - I'll be wearing blue.

Bah humbug?

I love Christmas as much as the next guy, but stuff is out so early they might as well keep it up year-round. I mean, there were decorations for sale at Sam's in September. And over the weekend I saw a bunch of workers putting Christmas lights up on a Highland Park home. God forbid it be November 1 and your decorations aren't up yet...

Saw a Christmas commercial this morning on TV. And I'm sure 103.7 Lite FM (aka KVIL) will start playing all-holiday-music, all-the-time any day now. Can we at least wait until after Thanksgiving?

No? Alright. I have been wanting to watch Elf lately...if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.