Belated Bachelor Pad Best Wishes

And DUNZO. I apologize if I miss some key quotes or moments, but parts of this were so cheese-tastic that I had to fast forward. Mainly through all dance sequences and pretty much any time Tenley was on.



Some thoughts...



Natalie's hand sock thingies at the beginning.



Elizabeth just keeps looking worse. (Which could explain her back-to-brunette self in the live portion)



Eliz and Kovacs' crazyass make-out jumping into the limo. WTF



Dance lessons...Kiptyn wearing jazz shoes (with a slight heel, I might add). Nice.



Louis asking Dave and Natalie if they'd had sex. And then something about doggie style...Natalie's remark about being "used to those positions" was pretty classic. And dead-on.


The dance number. Holy open shirt, Dave. And he kept wearing it WELL after the performance was over. Why god why.



Also why JAKE why. Really? Nothing better to do than to comment on their "interludes" or whatever the hell he was saying. SO tragic.



They're going to "leave this on the dance floor." Alrighty.



Tenley, skipping and cheesy dancing after winning. Means Sarah fast-forwarded.
Tenley giggles. More fast-forwarding. Can't stand her. Sorry.


Elizabeth: "we needed to lick our wounds." Um, ew.



Kiptyn was a tad overdramatic about the big vote-off. "One of the hardest decisions of my life?" "We'll have to deal with the repercussions for years to come?" Dude. It's just a cheesy reality show. Chillax. PS - by voting off Kovacs and Elizabeth, you totally sealed your fate. Enjoy working at Disney with your new gf.



Which brings us to the Live Show. Is this like a poor man's "Cast Tells All?" I could have used an extra hour of gossip. But not of shots of Nikki's cleavage.

(And btw Melissa Rycroft has the tinies baby bump known to man.)

Is it sad that the most romantic moment happened between the evilest one of all, Wes? Although he brought it back to earth with "Bad boys need love too" and "I've got a million dollars right here (gesturing to Gia)." Eye roll eye roll eye roll. Another eye roll when Tenley refers to Kip as "my boyfriend."


Elizabeth rocks the dark hair. America thanks her. And Chris Harrison calls her out on it.

Gia calls Kiptyn to the carpet on screwing over Nikki. Psycho Michelle calls Tenley to the carpet for starting a "rumor." She's still psycho, but I like her moxie.

Then we have the pleading for votes and sob stories for money. I fast forward.

We finally learn Gwen's age (39)!! Nice work telling Dave you were "in it for the money, not for love." And by "work," I of course mean plastic surgery.

Juan, trying to stir up trouble. I know he and Nikki tried dating once before and it fell apart, but I could see them as a couple. Or else I see them both as very unloveable except to each other...

The voting begins - very "Survivor"-y. My big question was, can you write down "Neither?"
What in the world did Wes write on his board that had to be blurred out? A porno sketch? Hilarious.

And Dave and Natalie, the two sluts of the show, win! But wait! There's more! Sucking the audience in to another 15 minutes of over-dramatized Keeping or Sharing...seriously, how much does Chris H get paid to do this. And with a straight face, no doubt.

Until next time. And hopefully that will include Cape Cod Chris...