I want to protect and guard your heart. And then vomit.

Oh, the Bachelorette. It was such a doozy last night that I had to take notes. Here are my thoughts, in brief:

1. Has this turned into a musical? WHY did like four guys insist on singing (not even counting the cringe-worthy Broadway auditions)??
2. "Protect and guard your heart" should have been a drinking game. How many freaking times did the Muppet say that?? Good lord. And Frank took the words out of my mouth when he said "getting a tattoo proves nothing except that you're nuts!" Genius.
3. Chris M speaks! And somehow gets a rose over sweet Jesse. Who IS this guy. Seriously.
4. Chris L rocked a backpack on his way over to Ali's hotel. Why god why.
5. Two words: BIKE SHORTS.
6. "Cocooned." Sigh.
7. Do you think actors and dancers who have struggled for years to get on Broadway saw Ali and Roberto and were like WTF. All we have to do is be on a cheesy REALITY show, and there you go!
8. "Fibber!" Sigh, again.
9. Weatherman..."dolt." "Schmuck." And then that whole crap in your face sh*tstorm reference. Got a little graphic there, bud. And loved the psycho music that would always play when he was about to speak.

All in all, she should have dumped Kasey and kept Jesse. But thank you thank you for giving weatherman the boot. I SO want to look for one of his newscasts on Youtube.